What are you looking for...

[melissa23]

This is a great and interesting topic.

The friendhship thing.. I definitly fall into the category of someone who has just a few really really close friends. And I also love making new friends.. but half the time they just end up be acquaintances and we never really hang out that much.. But I love to have friends who I know I can turn to whenever ever I need them and that I can talk to about anything. That's always something great to have.

As for dating, I'm 19.. and haven't really done much of it. When I was in middle school I had a few "boyfriends" here and there.. but I barely knew any of them LOL. so I don't consider that. I tend to be the shy type around guys. I'm not quite sure why. But it definitly would be great to finally date.. haha I guess I'm just not sure how to.

[Maxel]

Well, my advice to any girl looking to get some dates is to not be standoffish (not that either of you are, Josmo or melissa) or inaccessible. Unfortunately, it seems that young men these days don't get up the guts to ask girls for dates (I guess because there's the very traumatizing chance of rejection). If you get asked on a date by a guy and you can't go but want to (you're busy on the day of the proposed date, for example) make sure to let the guy go- chances are that, if you don't, he won't ask you on a second date.

Good luck!

[bmy-]

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years.. just as a recommendation -- date for as long as possible. 3 years later I'm still learning things about her and we're still growing as people. I'm of the opinion that marriage before 22 or 23 at the earliest is a little foolish.

Sometimes foolishness can turn out to be wonderful in the end.. but there's a reason for the rising divorce rate in the Church and the pressure on kids to get married plays a large role in it. One last piece of advice.. once you have a person you are committed to.. there are no such things as "just friends" when dealing with opposite-gender individuals becomes very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. There are a few exceptions to the rule of course.. but they're few and far between.

[Islander]

Originally Posted by bmy-

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years.. just as a recommendation -- date for as long as possible. 3 years later I'm still learning things about her and we're still growing as people. I'm of the opinion that marriage before 22 or 23 at the earliest is a little foolish.

Sometimes foolishness can turn out to be wonderful in the end.. but there's a reason for the rising divorce rate in the Church and the pressure on kids to get married plays a large role in it. One last piece of advice.. once you have a person you are committed to.. there are no such things as "just friends" when dealing with opposite-gender individuals becomes very dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. There are a few exceptions to the rule of course.. but they're few and far between.

I do not agree whith your assertion. There are 150 years to the contrary. Nothing wrong with getting married young. I wish I would have been born in the church and had a chance to marry young. The process is fine, the "ingredients" have change and the "quality" of the product is inferior. In other words; we are raising young people that are ill-equipped for marriage, lacking spiritual and emotional maturity, incapable of overcoming the slightest tension and normal environmental stressor, without (or little) moral or intellectual discipline.

Divorce happens because people are selfish and not able to think and behave in terms of US/WE as they are the byproduct of a self-centered, permissive and lax culture that accentuates self and immediate gratification rather than the traits that are conducive to an eternal, God-centered family.

[Maxel]

Agreed, Islander. I can see the correlation between immaturity and failed marriages, and the correlation between age and (im)maturity- but no direct correlation between a young marrying age and a failed marriage.

The way I see it, the Church's strong emphasis on marriage is barely enough to counteract the anti-marriage culture rampant in the world today.

[bmy-]

Originally Posted by Islander

I do not agree whith your assertion. There are 150 years to the contrary. Nothing wrong with getting married young. I wish I would have been born in the church and had a chance to marry young. The process is fine, the "ingredients" have change and the "quality" of the product is inferior. In other words; we are raising young people that are ill-equipped for marriage, lacking spiritual and emotional maturity, incapable of overcoming the slightest tension and normal environmental stressor, without (or little) moral or intellectual discipline.

Divorce happens because people are selfish and not able to think and behave in terms of US/WE as they are the byproduct of a self-centered, permissive and lax culture that accentuates self and immediate gratification rather than the traits that are conducive to an eternal, God-centered family.

In reality.. we live in a different world compared to the one that existed when young and lasting marriages were common place.

You've heard the statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce now.. and unfortunately.. it's true. Here's another statistic.. People who marry at 18 and under have a divorce rate that is ~50%.. while those who marry at 25 or older have a 26%.

My assertion is backed up by facts and statistics. Of course in a situation with 2 level headed, logical, and mature teenagers.. they'll be fine. Provided financial strain doesn't do them in of course. The younger the people in the marriage the higher the divorce rate.. and that's the bottom line. It holds true for mormons, catholics, and baptists alike..

[Maxel]

Originally Posted by bmy-

In reality.. we live in a different world compared to the one that existed when young and lasting marriages were common place.

You've heard the statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce now.. and unfortunately.. it's true. Here's another statistic.. People who marry at 18 and under have a divorce rate that is ~50%.. while those who marry at 25 or older have a 26%.

My assertion is backed up by facts and statistics. Of course in a situation with 2 level headed, logical, and mature teenagers.. they'll be fine. Provided financial strain doesn't do them in of course. The younger the people in the marriage the higher the divorce rate.. and that's the bottom line. It holds true for mormons, catholics, and baptists alike..

The problem with statistics is that they're elusive and don't always reflect what we want them to.

In the last 150 years, has the average age of marriage gone up or down? How does that differ between men and women? What was the divorce rate 150 years ago? And the most important question(s): why?

I think the answer is that the average American household has stopped producing mature adults ready for marriage at 18. The correlation is between maturity (spiritual, emotional, and financial) and divorce, not age and divorce. Back in the mid-19th century, there was no such thing as "teenagers"- children began working hard jobs (either on the family farm or around town) around age 10; there were fewer technological conveniences and accessories to distract the mind and therefore retard emotional growth.

While the divorce rate for Mormons is going up, that's inevitable. Few Church members pay due attention to all the teachings of the prophets (including "gaining a testimony" and "put away the things of a child when one becomes an adult"). 'Cultural Mormons' and Mormons who aren't as strong in the faith will fall into the trap of following the most oft-repeated commandment of marrying while neglecting the commandments to form a foundation of preparation for marriage. In this, they neglect the better portion of wisdom for whatever reason.

If one is not ready for the challenges associated with marriage at 18, then marriage isn't appropriate then. In today's world, abuse and parental neglect often leave children without vital emotional growth needed to move from an independent lifestyle to an interdependent lifestyle. In the cases of those individuals, the pressing issue is to seek the Lord's atonement and be healed, and work on relationships as guided by the Spirit.

[Gemma]

Originally Posted by bmy-

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years.. just as a recommendation -- date for as long as possible. 3 years later I'm still learning things about her and we're still growing as people.

I'm not going to comment on the age thing, but this statement worries me! I say date for as long as you need to to be sure, then take the leap. Gosh, I hope I'll still be growing as a person after I get married - I never thought of that as something I'd give up when I was married, or when I turned 30 or anything like that!

My BF and I were talking to a missionary couple a few weeks ago and he asked them if they had to adjustments to make living together in the first few years of marriage. She said yes, every year - otherwise it looses its spice! That is now my favourite marriage quote

Josmo and Melissa (and anyone else this applies to), don't worry you've got plenty of time, just enjoy yourself and when your least expecting it you will be swept off your feet!
I know people say that all the time, I had to wait 10 years before I met the guy I'm now dating, and went on a grand total of 6 dates in that time! (yep, not much dating going on in England) But I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted by living my life the best I could, and I'm glad that that was heavenly fathers plan for me, if I'd been dating the wrong guy when I was 18 I might not have known it or had the courage to break it off.

[melissa23]

Originally Posted by Maxel

Well, my advice to any girl looking to get some dates is to not be standoffish (not that either of you are, Josmo or melissa) or inaccessible. Unfortunately, it seems that young men these days don't get up the guts to ask girls for dates (I guess because there's the very traumatizing chance of rejection). If you get asked on a date by a guy and you can't go but want to (you're busy on the day of the proposed date, for example) make sure to let the guy go- chances are that, if you don't, he won't ask you on a second date.

Good luck!

thankyou! i guess i'll try being a little more outgoing.. it's just a difficult thing to do, I'm so jealous of people that have no problem with it. but yeah thats a good idea, I'll make sure if that ever happens to let the guy know i do want to go on a date.

Originally Posted by Gemma

Josmo and Melissa (and anyone else this applies to), don't worry you've got plenty of time, just enjoy yourself and when your least expecting it you will be swept off your feet!
I know people say that all the time, I had to wait 10 years before I met the guy I'm now dating, and went on a grand total of 6 dates in that time! (yep, not much dating going on in England) But I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted by living my life the best I could, and I'm glad that that was heavenly fathers plan for me, if I'd been dating the wrong guy when I was 18 I might not have known it or had the courage to break it off.

thankyou! and yeah i've kinda realized that I have time.. its just seeing all my friends with boyfriends and stuff.. i just feel like out of place. but yeah I'll just live my life, and try not to let that bug me haha. and hopefully someday i'll meet someone