So Shy

johnnylingo · #1 (**permalink**) 07-14-2009, 10:53 AM

I feel like I'll never get married because I'm so shy.
Others ladies can flirt. They can ask a guy to dance, or at least make eye contact and smile until somebody asks them. They can talk to the guys they like without their mind going competely blank, and they can build friendships before relationships.
Can anybody relate, or have any advice??

(I've attended a YSA ward for around two years, and the only time I was ever asked out, was the only time I was accidentally loud and flirty)

Dravin · #2 (**permalink**) 07-14-2009, 11:26 AM

I know how you feel, ultimately it comes down to biting the bullet and socializing. Which is of course easier said than done.

tubaloth · #3 (**permalink**) 07-15-2009, 05:13 PM

Exactly. The way things are, the guys have to go out there and do it, even it you fail 99% of the time. It only has to work out once.

Dr T · #4 (**permalink**) 07-15-2009, 05:14 PM

Welcome, good first start with reaching out.

FairChild · #5 (**permalink**) 07-16-2009, 08:25 AM

Johnny, may I ask if you are male or female?

Dravin · #6 (**permalink**) 07-16-2009, 09:03 AM

Her profile says female.

bmy- · #7 (**permalink**) 07-17-2009, 11:14 AM

You're at the meat market (YSA)... you might as well shop around. It's something you'll have to conquer. I assume it's much easier for you to be social online.. so you could chat with people via social networking sites like facebook.

ZionsRodeVos · #8 (**permalink**) 07-17-2009, 12:34 PM

I can relate since I was shy when younger. I don't know if I can explain how I became less shy. I do know one of the things that I did when I was shy that didn't help me get any friends. Because I was shy whenever anyone (for me it didn't matter if it was a boy or girl) asked me a question I would simply answer the question but give absolutely no additional information.

Since serving a mission I have learned that to maintain a conversation I must give a little bit more than just the answer to the question and so in such a way I feed the conversation and it continues. But when I was shy I wasn't even interested in maintaining a conversation either so I didn't care. Now that I know this if I want a conversation to end and at the same time don't know how to tell a person nicely to go away I simply give short answers and don't feed the conversation.

I believe my mission helped me to become less shy, however I do remember becoming less shy a year or two prior to my mission. Now that I think of it I think it was because the girl was so nice and friendly and that is what helped me. I was 22 or 23 at the time that I first started dating. Before that I was too shy and not interested in girls. One thing I do remember is that it was a slow process and I had to learn how to socialize. Always in school I only had a few friends. I didn't mind though since I was mostly a loner and liked doing things on my own and I am sure that contributed to me remaining shy.

You seem to want to break out of being shy. I see that as very positive. I do not know if this will help but if you haven't tried it before then it may be worth a try. Find something you are comfortable with doing for example playing a board game or soccer or scripture study or something. Then find an opportunity to do what you like with others in your ward, even if it means you do the inviting. If your birthday is coming up then you could plan to play your favorite board games at your party and hand out invitations to the people you want to be there. The reason I say this is that if you are doing something you enjoy and are comfortable with the hope would be that your mind wouldn't go blank if the person you are talking to happens to be a guy because you know how to keep the game or activity going.

I was thinking about how I am less shy when talking in Spanish (I served a mission in the Dominican Republic) than in English and the thought came to my mind that if you are interested in languages maybe you can find a guy that knows one you would want to learn.

I hope that if none of what I have said seems helpful to you that at least something I said may spark an idea for something that you can do.

freckleface · #9 (**permalink**) 07-17-2009, 03:38 PM

I was terribly shy as a young single woman, johnnylingo. When ever a guy would approach me that I liked my heart would start racing, I would blush and my mind would go completely blank. I just hated it. Let me reassure you that someday a man will see it as an endearing quality and find it completely charming. He'll follow you to the ends of the earth, and lay his coat out in the street so you don't have to get your new shoes wet. Well, maybe he'll pick you up and carry you, but you get the picture.

Don't fret, love. It's okay to be shy.

Heavenguard · #10 (**permalink**) 07-18-2009, 08:16 AM

Have your goal be to make friends, not boyfriends. It's easier to talk to someone who is your friend rather than someone who is just a crush. And those sorts of relationships are much more enjoyable, because you're not pressuring yourself into thinking all sorts of things, like does he like me? What does it mean when he does XYZ? And you'll gain some friends. If someone from those friends becomes interested, then let that fall where it may.