Girls: Could you marry a guy like this?

[pam]

I have to agree with Stacie as well. Especially if your friend is considering actually giving up and not holding onto life anymore. I'm sure your friend is a great person and a strong person. I think a lot of us have our moments of wanting to give up. I know I have at times. But it always seems that at the darkest of moments, a light appears that motivates me to move on. Even if it's just a pin hole of light.

[Maxel]

I don't know if he's actually considering suicide or not- but he's having a hard time doing anything, including keeping the job he's got. He says he just wishes he would be out of the funk he's in and be at a place where he had somewhere to go and be safe... It does sound like he wants to be taken care of, but he knows it's not healthy and he wants to be a strong provider eventually with a healthy, celestial marriage.

Obviously, we talk a lot, lol.

[jadams_4040]

Originally Posted by Maxel

A question has been pressing on me lately. A good friend of mine really wants to get married, but isn't ready. He has a few psychological and emotional problems that make marriage difficult.

One of his main problems is that he's not very fiscally mature. He does all right when someone's there watching him and with him, but when he's on his own he's not able to really function. He knows he has these problems and is working on them, but because of his physical and spiritual makeup and things that happened to him in his youth he's not progressing very quickly. He has a difficult time holding down a job.

The question I have is: are there any women out there who would even considering marrying a person like this? He really wants to do what's right and tries a lot, and is making progress. He'll never be someone who can provide a lot of material goods, and he'll always have emotional problems. Are there any women out there who would ever want to yoke themselves to a guy like that (I'm not asking to pass along names; he's just really depressed, thinking that he'll never be desirable).

Waaayyy back in the old days. there used to really be a thing called love; and it was the most powerfull thing in the universe; {which i might add that me and my wife still have!}.

[FunkyTown]

Originally Posted by Maxel

I don't know if he's actually considering suicide or not- but he's having a hard time doing anything, including keeping the job he's got. He says he just wishes he would be out of the funk he's in and be at a place where he had somewhere to go and be safe... It does sound like he wants to be taken care of, but he knows it's not healthy and he wants to be a strong provider eventually with a healthy, celestial marriage.

Obviously, we talk a lot, lol.

This is depression, Maxel. The truth is that absolutely no one can 'fix' a depressive in this state. He needs counselling and, most likely, medication. What he's doing right now is not seeking an answer - It sounds like he says what he wants and, when you give suggestions, he just gives up and says that whatever you're suggesting won't help.

That's what depressives do. He needs help.

[LonelyGargoyle]

Right on Funk !! Don't even consider marrying this guy until he gets much more of his act together. Love doesn't overcome all. He will be burdensome. Bi-polar maybe ? As Funk stated, there is help available. Insist he get it before you dive into something that may take you over your head.

[FunkyTown]

I don't think this is someone Maxel is considering marrying. He's a dude.

[Maxel]

Originally Posted by LonelyGargoyle

Right on Funk !! Don't even consider marrying this guy until he gets much more of his act together. Love doesn't overcome all. He will be burdensome. Bi-polar maybe ? As Funk stated, there is help available. Insist he get it before you dive into something that may take you over your head.

Never fear, I'll never marry this man. Never, never, never!

I'm a man myself.

That being said- he's frustrated because he's sought competent medical help and things are still hard. Right now he wants to save some money and find a safe place, then get off of all medications and try natural remedies (like St. John's Wart). If that doesn't work, he'll go back to medications. (All this will be done under the watchful eye of medical professionals)

It seems a good plan to me- he's been on various antidepressant medications since he was 12 and doesn't know if the medications are actually helping or making things worse.

[beefche]

That being said- he's frustrated because he's sought competent medical help and things are still hard. Right now he wants to save some money and find a safe place, then get off of all medications and try natural remedies (like St. John's Wart). If that doesn't work, he'll go back to medications. (All this will be done under the watchful eye of medical professionals)

It seems a good plan to me- he's been on various antidepressant medications since he was 12 and doesn't know if the medications are actually helping or making things worse.

Max, I'm going to talk to your friend as if I am his friend who has some medical knowledge (which I do).

"Discuss your desires to be completely off medications with your doctor on several occasions. Depression is a very real medical condition and although these desires are good, there is a very real possibility that you may need take medications for this for life. Whatever you do, DO NOT EVER STOP TAKING THE MEDICATIONS WITHOUT BEING UNDER THE DIRECTION OF A LICENSED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I cannot stress this enough. There are so many side effects if you do not take them correctly which can cause unnecessary and unfortunate events.

There is absolutely nothing shameful in seeking continued medical attention for your medical condition. As I've explained this to my sister, it is just like any other medical condition--you have to seek treatment and listen to your doctor. Do not be ashamed to take medications or counseling or both."

That's Dr. Beef talking. Now, it's me, beefche:

I could marry a man who had this medical condition as long as he is being responsible and continues to seek treatment. In fact, I would probably have a very serious discussion with him prior to marrying him to discuss what our actions would be if he ever stopped seeking treatment. I have lived with someone who has psychological issues (my sister) and I can tell you that I would rather be with someone who takes responsbility for his health condition than with someone who thinks it just a temporary thing and may eventually stop treatment. I'm not saying that your friend is cavalier about his condition, but I do worry about someone who has had some issues since a young age who is considering going off all medications. Again, if he is working closely with licensed professionals, that is one thing. But in my experience with my sister, I have seen how one starts to feel better, stops treatment, then deteriorates significantly, and doesn't see it. It took excessive measures for us to get her back in treatment. I definitely don't want to deal with that in a husband.

[WillowTheWhisp]

I would like to encourage your friend by saying that nothing is impossible but he must take care of himself and take medically approved medication if that is what he needs. I am diabetic and also have glaucoma. I need to take medication for both for the rest of my life. There is no hame in having to rely on medical help.

A word of warning though. Love may be blind but it cannot conquer everything and one of the main causes of marital problems is financial. That doesn't mean that he should not marry bu the future wife would have to understand how rocky the road could be when it comes to money.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Maxel

Well, it doesn't matter anyway. My friend is kind of giving up... Not really interested in holding onto life anymore. He has bigger problems than being marriage material now.

Maxel, tell him to hold on. Hope and change in mood are just around the corner. One does not have to keep pace with the herd to survive and be at peace with the world. In everything you and your friend do, there can be joy if you reference it as such.