Single parent dating in YSA?

[IamMe]

Don't forget tho that you need and deserve a break too. YSA activities don't have to be about finding a spouse. I know that they're often looked at as a meat market, but there's no reason you can't go just for a night off. Given some of the alternatives out there, I would think a YSA activity would be a good activity.

I remember somewhere being told to work on making yourself the best spouse for your future partner, and that is so true. Had I not had the experiences I did while a single parent, I wouldn't have been who I am for my husband.

Things can and WILL work out. It just may not be in your time frame.

[clevermoniker]

The fact is, getting pregnant at 16 is definitely not normal, and it really is a big deal. I think you're right to expect that some people are going to treat you differently because of it. That being said, I don't think you should let it keep you from going back to church and fully becoming involved again. I let some pretty serious sins keep me from returning to the church for a long, long time. While talking things through with the Bishop he told me something that I've always remembered: "The Church is not a club for perfect people. It's a hospital, and we're all sick".

I had a friend years ago in a similar situation to yours. She was having a hard time, and couldn't understand how a worthy priesthood holder could ever look past what she had done and accept her for who she is. I told her the same thing I would tell you: If he can't, then he's not a worthy priesthood holder.

[Bini]

Originally Posted by clevermoniker

I had a friend years ago in a similar situation to yours. She was having a hard time, and couldn't understand how a worthy priesthood holder could ever look past what she had done and accept her for who she is. I told her the same thing I would tell you: If he can't, then he's not a worthy priesthood holder.

Agreed IF this is excluded. Otherwise, I completely agree that if a man or woman can't see past a sin that has been repented of, it's on him/her. But with the above statement, there should be some clarification.

[Vort]

Originally Posted by clevermoniker

I had a friend years ago in a similar situation to yours. She was having a hard time, and couldn't understand how a worthy priesthood holder could ever look past what she had done and accept her for who she is. I told her the same thing I would tell you: If he can't, then he's not a worthy priesthood holder.

You are in no position to make that judgment. A man can refuse to marry a woman for any old reason he chooses. Maybe he thinks she's too tall, or too fat, or too blonde. Maybe he thinks she's too rich, or too girly, or too tomboyish. Maybe he doesn't like her teeth or her fashion sense. Maybe he doesn't like her family. Or maybe he doesn't like that she is not a virgin. Any or all of these reasons might be petty, but they do not in and of themselves make him an unworthy Priesthood holder. That's pure claptrap.

[clevermoniker]

Originally Posted by Vort

You are in no position to make that judgment. A man can refuse to marry a woman for any old reason he chooses. Maybe he thinks she's too tall, or too fat, or too blonde. Maybe he thinks she's too rich, or too girly, or too tomboyish. Maybe he doesn't like her teeth or her fashion sense. Maybe he doesn't like her family. Or maybe he doesn't like that she is not a virgin. Any or all of these reasons might be petty, but they do not in and of themselves make him an unworthy Priesthood holder. That's pure claptrap.

That's right, only God get's to make that judgement. And when you stand before him and explain that you just couldn't forgive that girl for a sin she had committed in the past, that you just couldn't let go of it... What is he going to say? "I love the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but if you it is REQUIRED to forgive ALL men".

Last time I checked, the principle of forgiveness was kind of important...

[Vort]

Originally Posted by clevermoniker

That's right, only God get's to make that judgement. And when you stand before him and explain that you just couldn't forgive that girl for a sin she had committed in the past, that you just couldn't let go of it... What is he going to say? "I love the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but if you it is REQUIRED to forgive ALL men".

Last time I checked, the principle of forgiveness was kind of important...

It's not a matter of forgiving her. You don't have to marry her to forgive her.

[IamMe]

Why would he need to forgive her?

Her transgression was prior to him, had nothing to do with him. It's not like she cheated on him. There's nothing on his part to forgive as far as I'm concerned. Her transgression is between her, the bishop & God. The only thing that should matter to a potential spouse is, has she completed the repentance process so that she can be temple worthy.

While in the dating process, he's going to know about her child, and should it come to the stage where marriage is on the table, then raising her child as his own would need to become a factor in his considering her as an eternal partner. Package deal.

As another has pointed out, any guy can choose to not continue in the dating game with someone because their too fat, too skinny, blonde brunette, have a child etc.

I would never ask a potential spouse to forgive me for being blonde, this is me, this is who I am, accept it or I'm not the one for you.

[joanne_laylah]

Originally Posted by lydie15

Hey,

I was just wondering, what is the perspective and thoughts of other YSA people in the Church of young fathers/mothers who are single/dating?

I went through a rough patch for a few years a couple of years ago where I didn't attend Church and got pregnant at 16, I'm now 18 with a 16 month old... I have come back to Church occassionally (I want to return to being fully active) and the reason why I haven't attended any YSA events is that I don't know ANYONE within the Church (in Australia) who has gone through the same things I have in the past few years, and I feel as if I'm being, so to say "looked down at" by the other YSA people.

I would love to start going to YSA events, I'm just worried that the fact of being 18 with a toddler would be a big scare for most young men...

Anyways, what's your opinion? Do you think this is true?

hi! im joanne i just came across this n woah! didnt think there was anyone else in my position! lols im also from australia, which part are you from?and i know exactly how u feel.im 19 with a one year old n im soo struggling with dating, coz honestly it seems that every guy i meet, as soon as he finds out i have a baby, boom! i dont hear from him again:/ but it could just be that i pick the wrong ones haha i dunno but it would be good to talk with u il add u on this thing( new to this so i dont get it much haha) sorry that i didnt answer ur question, but im just amazed, coz i dont know anyone else in our possition! lols

[annewandering]

Originally Posted by clevermoniker

That's right, only God get's to make that judgement. And when you stand before him and explain that you just couldn't forgive that girl for a sin she had committed in the past, that you just couldn't let go of it... What is he going to say? "I love the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but if you it is REQUIRED to forgive ALL men".

Last time I checked, the principle of forgiveness was kind of important...

lol funny memory here. I was going with a guy I really, really liked. We were talking one time and he mentioned my teeth. Ok I was a bit stunned and asked what was wrong with my teeth. Oh ya the front two teeth had a slight space between them which was hereditary. I suppose it would be 'fixed' now. Never in my life had I ever considered them a fault. At that point I was a bit insulted but realised that a person who looked at me and saw a small space between my teeth was not a person I wanted to be with at all.
So ya. If there is anything they cant 'not see' then its a problem.

[Gargantuan]

If a person can’t see past the outward appearance of the beautiful person inside then it may be a warning flag about that person’s character. I knew a man who married a woman because of her beautiful singing voice and flirtatious personality. After a few months, he told her that she needed her teeth fixed, because she could eat apples through a picket. He was sincere with his remark and didn’t want to hurt her, but his lack of tactfulness devastated her tender feelings. She didn’t want him to know how badly he had hurt her, so she fluffed it off as his lack of good upbringing and made a joke out of his knobby knees. Well, you guessed it, after a few years of marriage and several children, tolerating the cutting jabs gradually led to a genuine belief that they shouldn’t have gotten married. One mate began to look for reasons to look around and to allow the justification of unfaithful thoughts to interfere with what may have been a time for learning more of the sensitive process of how to love and feel love. There is much more to this all too common scenario, but the main idea is that once contention entered into their marriage, it was easy for the Adversary to help one of the partners make a wrong choice.