Single parent dating in YSA?

[JudoMinja]

Originally Posted by Vort

It's not a matter of forgiving her. You don't have to marry her to forgive her.

I know it's been awhile since this was posted, and the original poster Vort was responding to is no longer with us, but I just want to expound on this, because I've seen this thought process far too many times- and was once plagued by it myself.

Vort has identified a very important distinction that many of us seem to lapse over when considering our relationships with people. As human beings, we have a strong tendancy to generalize things. It helps us make connections between things that are related and have an affect on one another- a very useful ability we don't even realize we use at times. But, it can also lead to overgeneralizations, where we make connections where there are none.

When we link forgiveness to how we respond to a relationship, we are overgeneralizing. It can lead to all kinds of problems. You can forgive someone and still have a desire not to interact with them. The two don't have to go together. If someone steals from you, do you give them an opportunity to steal from you again? No! But you still have to forgive them. If someone commits adultery, do you have to trust them? No! But you still have to forgive them. If someone hits you, do you stick around so they can hit you again? No! But you still have to forgive them. Clearly, our decisions about our relationships, who we allow in our lives and how we interact with them is NOT connected to our ability or willingness to forgive. But we subconsciously make that connection all the time.

When we make decisions about how to interact with an individual based on our understanding of their flaws, weaknesses, and mistakes- we are not being unforgiving- we are simply using sound, wise judgement. But wait! We aren't supposed to judge, right? We aren't supposed to judge THE PERSON. THAT is what forgiveness is about. We withhold making any sort of judgement about the person, their sincerity, their repentance, their soul- because it isn't our place to do that. We can't see inside their hearts and know what they are about- so we must keep ourselves open and understanding enough to be forgiving of everyone. But we CAN and SHOULD use our judgement to determine who and what we will allow to have an influence on our lives. That is something entirely separate from forgiveness.

[YaYaYaYana]

I would say don't go for the younger men... those are the ones who would most definitely be scared and put off from dating you
since you have a child already maybe try looking for older men like age 26.27,28...
Those are probably old enough to want a family and are able to support you finianciaLLY

[lydie15]

I agree with what you say, it's so true to go for the older guys. The only problem in my area is that I only know the younger people who are around my age, and they're all getting prepared for missions, going on one etc. But all the older men who are back from their missions are surrounded by 5342374809 women who are the same age, and I don't know any of them so I can't be introduced etc. I only really know the people around the same age as me... so it's sort of hard to get to know the older ones when they're in a slightly different social group etc.

[GregOstertag]

You're only 18 (at least if I read that right), that also can scare off the older, RM guys. Just be patient and keep participating in the church/institute activities. A real man will eventually notice you, see you for who you really are, and he wont find anything negative about how you have a child.

I write this because that's honestly how I would feel if I met a girl who was living the churchs standards just like any other LDS girl. I've committed sins in my past that were pretty serious, so I have no reason to judge someone else. Kinda like that Charlie movie I guess...!

[lydie15]

You are so right, thank you. I am definitely in no rush to get into a serious relationship right now, as in my opinion I still have a lot of personal spiritual growth to be done before I can be in one. I want to have a lot more knowledge of the Gospel than what I have already (which is behind a little bit as I was inactive for 2 years, but Institute is definitely helping me with learning more about the Gospel, I've learnt at least one new thing every week!).

I just feel that even if I get to that point where I'm ready to be in a serious relationship that others may choose me as second best as I've already had a child etc. But I guess all I can do is be patient and trust that everything will turn out okay.