Advice Please!

Writer_Chick1213 · #1 (**permalink**) 01-03-2005, 12:27 AM

ok so here's the deal. I dated this guy for awhile who isn't a member. we broke up because I didn't want to be in a serious relationship with someone who couldn't take me to the temple. So then christmas eve we were talking and then he tells me he has a tumor in his lung and its likely that he will die. We were both crying and we started saying how much we loved each other and things like that. Well we're still talking and he respects that I don't want to get back together but he thinks I still love him as more than a friend when I don't. So he keeps talking about how much he loves me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt his feelings and he keeps saying that i'm the reason he's fighting to live and I can't just tell him I don't like him anymore because it would crush him. I still love him as a friend but thats it. Anyone have any advice on what to do? Should I just let him believe that I love him for the last few months of his life? Or do I tell him the truth and hurt him really badly? HELP!!!

StrawberryFields · #2 (**permalink**) 01-03-2005, 07:28 AM

EEEEK, this is a hard one....

Can you find out more about this tumor? I lost my mom almost two years ago to lung cancer.

If I were you, I would try to find out more about his condition, maybe it isn't as bad as he thinks it is, he is so young. I am sure he is afraid and even your friendship would be a great support to him. Is it possible for you to talk with his mom without him?

the_kid_in_the_korner · #3 (**permalink**) 01-04-2005, 08:01 AM

thats really good advice, if a girl i really liked wasnt into me then i'd wana know it sucks wondering whats going on, i vote break it to him if hes not 150% about to die

Writer_Chick1213 · #4 (**permalink**) 01-04-2005, 09:02 AM

Well its not something he really likes to talk about and share details but from what he's told me the tumor is pushing on his pulmonary artery, i think. He told me that he needs a lung transplant because the cancer is spreading. But I doubt he will be able to get one. He's not a member and he has been smoking since he was 8 and his parents have smoked all his life. He also refuses to give up smoking no matter how many people tell him he has to. He says if he's going to die he's going to at least be happy. He also lives in England now and I live in Canada. So I can't really be there for him or talk to his mom to find out whats really happening. So I still don't know what to do.

StrawberryFields · #5 (**permalink**) 01-04-2005, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Writer_Chick1213@Jan 4 2005, 10:02 AM
Well its not something he really likes to talk about and share details but from what he's told me the tumor is pushing on his pulmonary artery, i think. He told me that he needs a lung transplant because the cancer is spreading. But I doubt he will be able to get one. He's not a member and he has been smoking since he was 8 and his parents have smoked all his life. He also refuses to give up smoking no matter how many people tell him he has to. He says if he's going to die he's going to at least be happy. He also lives in England now and I live in Canada. So I can't really be there for him or talk to his mom to find out whats really happening. So I still don't know what to do.

I am so sorry, that is just the attitude that many smokers die with.

Smoking SINCE HE WAS EIGHT? How old is he now?

Writer Chick, now I know more details I would say "Stay in touch with him". If he lives so far away you can still be there via letters asking about how he is feeling and things like that without being committed to him.

I watched my mom die of lung cancer and it was very fast for her. She was diagnosed with it February 21 and she died March 20. Hers had already spread all over her body before they caught it.