Onother Funny Joke

[prisonchaplain]

Originally posted by funkyfool416@Jan 8 2006, 04:42 PM
That was a truely terrible joke. I don't know that it could really even be considered a joke because it was so terrible. Next time you have a joke comparable to that one...just keep it to yourself please because it is just wasting space on the boards. Thank you much.

[snapback]88652[/snapback]

This from the same woman who responded to my riddle, "What is funnier than a clown?" (correct answer = two clowns) with, "Your face!"

[prisonchaplain]

Originally posted by Setheus@Jan 8 2006, 06:28 PM
Now, FunkyFool416, THAT was the stupidest joke in the world...not Moroni's joke. :P

[snapback]88667[/snapback]

Yeah, but it was too long. Here's the stupidest brief joke in the world:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?









...He was...




DEAD!

[LionHeart]

While we're telling stupid jokes, what is the first thing an orange does when you set it on the table?




It looks round.

Originally posted by prisonchaplain+Jan 8 2006, 09:16 PM-->

This from the same woman who responded to my riddle, "What is funnier than a clown?" (correct answer = two clowns) with, "Your face!"

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[/b]

well....that was a pretty funny joke i thought....lol that had me cracking up for 10 minutes straight.

seth's joke is dumb too though

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he didn't have any body to go with.

What does a ghost call its parents?

Transparents.

And for those people who like SW....

http://gallery.pokemonpalace.net/dis....php?pos=-3520

The Mommy Test


I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something
off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do
that.

"Why?"

"Because it's been laying outside and it is dirty and probably has germs."
At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked,

"Wow! How do you know all this stuff!?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "...all moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy
Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed. "So if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."


Military Survival Rules

"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army rocket launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army training
notice

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. From 30,000 feet, every
single bomb always hits the ground." - U.S. Air Force ammunition memo.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -
Army preventive maintenance publication

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Corps memo.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David H.
Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." -
Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper - once." - Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army
recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your buddies

"If you see a bomb disposal technician running, try to keep up with him." -
U.S. Army ordnance manual

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed"
- U.S. Air Force flight training manual

Enjoy your English while you can..... The European
Commission has just
announced an agreement whereby English will be the
official language
of the European Union rather than German, which
was the other
possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and
has accepted a
5-year phase-in plan that would become known as
"Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This
will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes
are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such
as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl.


Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.

[begood2]

SM,

I'm glad that you joined LDS Talk...your adding some real amusing post to liven up this area of the message board. Thanks.

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

*Blush* Why, thank-you, lol.

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)




To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"


Keep Scrolling


"Don't what?" Adam replied.





"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.



Keep Scrolling


"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"







"No Way!"





Keep scrolling





"Yes way!"







"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.







"Why"







"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.







"Uh huh," Adam replied.







"Then why did you?" said the Father.







"I don't know," said Eve.







"She started it!" Adam said







"Did not!"







"Did too!"







"DID NOT!"







Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.








BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?





THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.






2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.






3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.







4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.







5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.







6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.







ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.







AND FINALLY:





IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:


TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

SM, this is going to be fun!

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

Going to be? Hah, it is!

A client told me a joke this morning:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says. "Gimme a beer. And a mop."


Should I have said "root beer"?