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VIEW PERSONAL BELIEFS
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POSTED BY:
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christmasvalleyfarms
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DATE:
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25.07.2008 |
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SUBJECT:
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From Atheist to Anti to LDS |
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LOCATION:
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Catalina, United States
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I'll try to be concise....(!) I was raised an only child, parents who were not LDS - good people but did church pretty much only on Easter and Christmas. It was beautiful: lovely buildings, decorations, professional clergy and choirs - but didn't really touch my heart. At some point in my growing up, I decided that all this God business was really quite ridiculous and unbelievable. For those who were weak, naive, gullible, not very intelligent. The "opiate of the masses!" Hear, hear! I remember my dad liked to listen to Billy Graham on TV. On those occasions when I was within earshot, I would laugh to myself at how puerile it all sounded. This went on for some time. I continued to do the holiday church with my parents, but it was all about tradition and not at all a spiritual thing for me.
I will never forget the day, though, that God somehow reached out to me - I don't know why on earth He would bother, or how else to describe it, as I certainly was not looking for Him, and I realize that it may sound really corny, but it was very powerful for me. I was 14 years old and in my room doing homework, laughing to myself at Billy Graham ranting and raving on the living room TV. I have no recollection of his subject or his specific words. The next thing I knew, there were tears running down my cheeks. It was as if something deep inside that I hadn't even known was there suddenly broke. One moment I had been so sure that he was a phony and his words were some fanatic's fantasy; the next I knew with my whole soul that what he was saying was absolutely, undeniably true. My "born again" experience. Totally unsure how to proceed with this newfound conviction, I wrote to Billy Graham and was sent some basic Bible study materials, which got me started in my learning about God. I had a friend at the time who attended an evangelical, non-denominational Christian church and I began attending regularly with her.
As many of that type of church do, hers taught very specifically about the evils of "organized religion." I remember attending retreats where the primary focus of the classes were what was wrong with every religion out there. I had many good times and grew step by step in my nascent faith, and appreciate the time I spent there and the friends I had. After a couple of years in this phase of my spiritual progression, I met a friend my senior year in high school that was LDS. I thought the world of him, and tried my very best for the better part of that year to "save" him from this "cult." I marshaled the most damning of the "anti" pamphlets our church could round up; studied my Bible and bashed with him hour after hour. I would feel very bad for this now, but I know now that my misguided but well-meaning attempts only strengthened his faith and forced him to learn and grow more in his testimony.
As our senior year drew to a close, he prepared to go on his mission. Before he left, somehow I relented enough to agree to listen to the missionaries, just to hear about the Church from "his" side. I was ready for a fight. And by this time, I was fairly conversant with my Bible. But once again, little did I suspect, Heavenly Father had another course in mind for me! Again, I don't remember specific doctrines that "did it" for me. One thing that was crucial, though, was the humility of those missionaries. I would present them with questions, or challenges, that were at times beyond their ability to answer. Their response, which took me aback, was, sincerely and humbly, "I really don't know the answer to that, but we'll research it for you and let you know next time!" How can you argue with that? "A soft answer turneth away wrath....??" And somehow, as I listened to them present the Gospel from "their" side, again, something inside me resonated. It was as if I heard a quiet voice deep within say, "I know that's true - I've always known that!" Whoa. Not only was the Gospel from an LDS perspective a totally different animal than that presented by the "anti's", but again something in my eternal spirit was much wiser than my head. As Pascal put it, "Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas".
I remember too as I read the Book of Mormon, I was filled with the realization that no young man with a third grade education wrote this. It had to come from one of two places. Which one? How could I know whether he was a false prophet? Then one night as I was reading in Matthew, Chapter 7, verses 15-20 leapt off the page to me. "Ye shall know them by their fruits....A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit...Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." I looked then, as I look now, at the "fruits", in our Church, of Joseph Smith's life and mission. There are, sadly to me, those who become myopically fixated on a blemish on the skin and call the fruit bad. Like the blind men and the elephant, I feel they tragically miss the whole picture. The finest people I have ever known, or known of; the most ennobling and truly Christlike teaching and practice I can see in this troubled world, are here. Is perfection here? No. We are still living in a fallen world and subject to the frailties of men. But I am so very grateful to have found the Gospel, and proud (please don't misunderstand the word) to call myself a Latter Day Saint.
Maybe my conversion and testimony sounds simplistic. If so, I am glad! I have worked very hard to maintain that. Years I spent serving in Primary were some of the most awesome ones I ever had in terms of progression. I have studied children, to try to learn what the Savior meant when he enjoined that, unless we "be converted, and become as little children, [we] shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." We spend the early years of our lives in such a hurry to grow up - and must fight the rest of our adult lives to learn how to become as a child again. It is all too easy to become cynical, jaded, and lose faith when we trust in the arm of flesh (read, exclusively, our own pride and intellect?) to the exclusion of that childlike faith.
The rest, as they say, is history. In the 33 years since I was baptized, at 17, no member of my immediate family has ever embraced the gospel. My husband, who I thought was the next "golden" investigator and sure to join the Church imminently, ended up taking 20 years(!) I think perhaps Heavenly Father, knowing that I would be "alone" in my faith for so many at times very lonely and tough years, blessed me with a very strong faith. I have had times when I didn't feel that I could measure up, and was not worthy of the Church, and even stopped attending briefly - but I have never had even a moment in those 33 years when I did not know, as absolutely and undeniably as I first did, that the Church is true. There were times when I wish I could have doubted! Believe me, with the difficulty it often created within my family, and the deeply lonely times, life would have been so much easier for me at times if I could have just walked away. But I would have been a liar. And He has blessed me with the grace and love and faith I have always needed to get me through.
Today our family is sealed in the temple; our oldest son has an incredibly strong and mature testimony and is serving his mission in Taiwan. Who knows how many apples will come from this seed?! We have two more children at home who are really good young people who are not afraid to "let their light shine" and are very strong as well. Life is full, and wonderful! Our God is a God of infinite and incredible love and miracles. Heavenly Father is awesome. "Hoorah for Israel!"
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