|
VIEW PERSONAL BELIEFS
|
|
POSTED BY:
|
Mailis
|
|
DATE:
|
13.10.2008 |
|
SUBJECT:
|
My conversition story |
|
LOCATION:
|
Helsinki, Finland
|
|
Note: I chose Finland as my country because this all happened in Finland.
I was not so very oldas my good lotheran parents took me to a sundayschool a hundred yards or so from my home. Since then I loved to go there every sunday. But I did get a problem as I become 7... I should have changed to a group of older kids...but I did not want to as I havedyslexi and I hated to read aloud and there you had to read... so I was alloved to be with the smal kids...I was helping the theacher.
I always felt close to my Hevenly Father. I was dreaming of becoming a missionary... I red the new teatrament trough at 14 and often I red smal partshere and there. I knew God excisted and that He loved me.
When I was 17 I was asked to be a sundayschool teache. With grace I agreed. I loved my sundayschool! I did have a few smal problems though. One of them was that I just could not tell the kids God was a spirit. It did not feel right, so I skipped that lesson and tok the one of the 99+1 sheep... my favorite story. I was electedin the lutheran churhces youth counsil in our area.
I continues beeing a sundayschool teacher for some 8 years. Then I married and I was a teacher there too a little while.
Since 14 I was really in love with popmusic...after 1968 the best band ever entered my life...the Osmonds! That must have been the second time I heard about someone beeing a mormon... first one was as the missionaryes visited my class ... Later my teacher asked a question from us and I and my frend answered and I KNEW in my heart I was NOT saying the right thing! She asked from us if we think that the small kids could do something wrong, be evel? I told : Oh yes! And I KNEW I was wrong I just had to say it! I sometimes wonder if that is the way the anties have it...I KNEW I was saying wrong, but I just HAD TO ... weird feeling
So finally married.. well everyone else was ... I got a child... I wondered: IS THIS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT; IS THIS ALL!! I was getting doubts about our marriage, if that was smart at all... it wasnot really what I wanted. He smoked and I ahted smoking...I always had. Had to try once as I was 13... mom found the pack in my bag and said: We really wish you could wait a few years more before you start... Nefver touched the stuff after that...it was no good anyway.
We had some frends we drank a bit with...never too much... but just to loosen up. I never really liked that either I tought it was so stupid when everyone circles around a bottle of something a went : oo, aaah... is that ...ooo cool... I tried to play along, but inside I felt all that to bee SOOOO stupid, like kids that have found their moms cookey jar ... geehow stupid can grown people be...
I was reading a bit in scritpures and making my remarks on life. To my questions my mom toldme to ask the preast... what didnt she know? About answers I was getting a feeling we are just to throw ourselves in to Gods mercy and be good and everything will be good. I wsanot satisfied... life had to be more than mere excitence and wait... I was getting mad at God. I told Him that I DONT WANT TO BE HIS PUPPET! He had created me to be ME so what good was it that I had a body and reseted sin..... everyone anyway was forgiven anyway and then we all would be taken to heaven... aplace where we would... no one really knew what. And HOW could Jesus and Hevenly Father be one... he was talking to HF on the cross... he was praying to him... what is this really!?
My husband tok home magazines and films, also of kids, that mademe sick... I wanted out, THIS could not be the meening of life, but I did not have strength to fight it, but I wrote myself out of it. God forgives everyone, all you need to do is ask! Again this cookey jar...
On a September day 80 the door bell ringed. Behind the door were the two most UNSURE persons I ever met in my life.. They looked a tone an other then teh other said in english: Is your husband home... I shok my head.I had noticed the lables they wore.. The church of Jesus Christ of the Latterday Saints... wasnt that the church the Osmonds were in...IT would be nice to know what they stand for. "Sorry... eh, uh, thank you.." They were sneaking thowards the staircase... OK I tought so you do not want to talk with a woman.. and I slammed the door. Well I had heard they are not so nice thowards their women anyway... but Osmonds....
In Novenber the doorbell rang again..later I been told that the missionaries do not usually trackt so soon in the same places ... anyway there stod two soked wet missionaries behind my door the other a head taller than the other. "We have amessage from God to you" I grinned..oh yeah sure, from God,tome, sure ..I wonder what that is.... I did not say anything just studied them thinking of..the Osmonds... qurious. The tall youngman bent a bit down looked at me with his big brown eyse and said "It takes only 5 minutes!" "Uh .. I have some kids at the table eating..." "It is ok we can wait"... My motherly insticts took over .. at least they get to dry abit..
I fed the kids and tacked all 4 of them for a nap.
We sat in the livingroom and they found out that I do believe in God, which they tought was very good. The converstion was interesting. They toldmethat they woudl love to come again when my husband was home. I felt this could be somthign good and thsi could change our life to the better and I agreed a time when I knew he would be home.
Nextime they come my husband was there. The missionaries wnated to show us a dia serie called "Cearch for happiness" We found a white wall to show the pictoures on. My husband however insested ion sitting on teh sofa where he glansed evetry now and then at the film and us. To my suprise he was not at all happy. The diaserie was very good and I believe I got my testimony there and then. The missionaries continued coming, my husband did not want to be present. I was never asked if I wanted to be babtised, we did talk about waiting formy husband a bit.. then I just felt so strong about this that I set me a babtisement date. It was about a year from my first meet with the missionaries.
I had red BM and as I red it I was looking for those things that talk against the bible...I should notice them afterall I was very familiar with the bible. I never found any. Instead I saw many things that were confirming the bible and many things that clared the gospel to me. I got answers to my questions, I fell in peace. Now I knew who I was, where I came from and where I was going to and why I am here!
My mom, was not over happy about this and she and my husband tried to talk me to talk to with the biggest antimormon in the country, who as she said knew it all soo much better than me. She said he could come to her place and we could talk there. She told me to read his book..which I did ... Funny, it only strengthened my testimony! The book made me sick! I wondered how someone can write abook like that so full of halftrueths and direct lies.
I had to ask my husband if I may be babtised. I asked him and he did nto say a word... Quietness is an agreement, so I got babtised. He got mad. Later he was with a couple of times, but he had the defenses up alla the time, he would not let them down. I was blacmailed in all the ways possible to a husband. His favorite was not to talk to me in weeks. Then he was unhappy and needed money which I gave him and he would travell down town to a special type of a bar... he had nothign to do with the speciality of it, he just happened to have some frends there, he came back he was very happy. Then one day he was supposed to go for a week to his parents...as he returned I found a flight ticket in his pocket for gay travells. My cup run over.... LDS or not, enough is enough.
Life is sometimes so weird. I so much wished for an eternal family. I remebered how it hurt me that he would not even listen to the possibility, I suppose he did not love me enough, to be with me all eternity!
Anyway I never regretted getting babtised, even though life went the way it did. I wish I could have got my ex in the church, but you just cant take a train off its rail, only God can and for some reason or an other He did not do that. Now I am married to a very wonderfull man..far from prefect, but aint we all... and that is an other story.
|
|
|
|
FairLDS.org
LDS.org
MormonWiki
Mormon Encyclopedia
FARMS