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The time is drawing near.

 

I have tried to write this many times but I just have a problem putting it all together.

 

My Dad.

 

Hospital Bed Delivered

 

Medicine Pumps

 

Palliative Care

I can hear the echoing ringing in my ears…

 My dad ended up back in the ER on Wednesday March 26^th because of changes in his body he didn’t understand due to the progressing cancer. Yesterday was also my 26^th Wedding Anniversary. Today we had a doctor come into our hospital room and talk to us about the services that hospice has to offer. This is the first time I saw that my dad could not turn away from the reality of what this cancer has done to him…  am very very tired.  Tomorrow we will meet with the people from hospice and this will be another difficult day. I am living through this with my dad. Five years ago it was he and I who were making these preparations for my mom…  I wish I knew how to best serve him now. I will be there for him in every way that I can but I want to make it all better and I can’t.

My Music

 

For me music represents a period of time in my life. I would rather listen to music than watch TV. I like music that inspires me to get up and dance like Mony Mony and others. I have been told I like to dance and do the Super Freak. HAHA.

 

I like the Beatles very much and even chose my screen name from one of their songs.

 

The Neil Diamond Music is chosen for my dad as well as You Are The Sunshine Of My Life. We used to go to Lake Powell as a family and my dad had his music playing and especially now while he is so ill I enjoy listening to these songs

 

I enjoy music that evokes passion like music ballads as well as some with a calming effect.

 

The song Live Like You Were Dying was coming out in the summer of July 2004 when we were fighting to save our son who had been in a horrific accident. He also had tickets to see Tim McGraw when he was lying in the hospital in a coma. I called the concert producers and explained what had occurred and not only did they refund the money for his tickets Tim also signed a picture to our son.

 Music can take me back in time, lift my mood, or calm my soul. Music is very important to me in my life.

Today, I brought my father home from the hospital for the 5^th time in just as many weeks. The cancer pain is increasing yet he still has hope. What would any of us do without hope in our lives? Hope is not ours to take away for even trampled upon by others who think it is more important to spell things out for the patient in black and white. We need to take in consideration what it is that our terminal brothers and sisters need. We are not in charge. The Plan Of Salvation is so important. I want to write more but the record player is broken.

Thanks to my friends who are here for me.

 

((((((Hugs))))) SF

It seems to me that I have read that there is a reason for pain surrounding births and deaths.

My fathers cancer has been in his bones for sometime now. He has not had much pain until this last few weeks and it is increasing at a shocking rate. Those who know me know how this is and will continue to have an affect on me. I need strength. March 20th will be my moms 5th year anniversary date since she died from cancer.

It's in the Valleys I Grow

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then we have to remember
That it's in the valleys we grow.

If we always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
We would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

We have so much to learn
And our growth is very slow,
Sometimes we need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys we grow.

We do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.


The little valleys are nothing
When we picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for the valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!

by Jane Eggleston

It started about 4 months ago, the VT supervisor, who doesn't even know who I am, started calling and being real nosey about our VT report. I was in the backyard up to my elbows in dirt when she called so I told my daughter to tell her he had completed our VT. My daughter returned to tell me that I needed to come to the phone because she made some questions fro me. When I got to the phone the VT Teacher Supervisor started with do the two of you (partner and my self) go together...I said yes. She then asked if we got into the home of each one of our sisters...I said yes. Did you give the lesson from the manual was her next question...I replied yes of course we did. Next she asked are there any problems on our route...I said like what? At the end of that conversation I was glad that THAT was over and done with.

The next month...pretty much the same drill. I then avoided her calls the best I could. Her voice on the end of the phone was enough to make me scream.

After feeling like I was being stalked these past few days I made a call to my RS President and asked her to help me by getting this woman to stop calling me. After explaining what had occurred she told me that she would talk to this sister and ask her to only call my partner... She also told me that she was going to make an announcement in RS that VT Supervisors had been asked my out Bishop to gibe two reports a mid month report and a end of month report. I could just scream again, maybe I am just not cut of to be a VT right now.

Spinning, Spinning, Please make it stop.
Who's up and what's down placed solidly on the ground?
Allow me to close my eyes...to make it all go back the way it was.

What's that you say, I've lost control of my life?
Eyes pressed tightly shut I see what I want to see, don't make a sound.
Yes, there she is just like before, the woman I most adore.

I want it, I can choose to go there just by closing my eyes.
I have the control, I need not spin anymore.
She is there waiting for me without a care.

The time is not right but soon I will be there.


My dad was hospitalized on Friday he was very sick and he couldn't stand, he couldn't eat, He was diagnosed with Vertigo following many tests. I pray that he will be able to find his own sure ground...

Today I woke up to an open bedroom window. The cool breeze was what I needed to start my day. Today was Therapy Tuesday so I hit the ground running. I woke up Nick to do his homework for therapy he needed to read 5 more pages before his first therapy at 11:00. For the past year Nick has been reading the novel assigned to his Senor class "Something Wicked This Ways Comes". Nick can read as well as anyone who is 18 he just doesn't know what he has read because of his injury last year. After is has read something worth writing down either the therapist or myself will say stop and ask him a question. The questions are something like "who is this about. where are they. what are the feeling" and so on.

Over this past year Nick has greatly improved in his understanding. This book is a real challenge for him because of the way it is written. Once Nick understands what he has read he writes his own cliff notes. It is a process of him reading the book out loud, discussing what is happening and then him forming his own cliff notes. Somedays he is right on with what is going on, other days it is just like he is ready empty words. Much of Nicks performance is tied to his level of fatigue, the more rested he is the better he does. We will be completing this book in the next fews weeks by Halloween we hope.

Does anyone have a book that it's very long (150 pgs? )that would be interesting and further aid in the connecting of the dots in laugange for Nick?

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