Viewing 37 - 45 out of 63 Blogs.

<< First  < Previous | Page:  3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next >  Last >>

I cried the night before I left our second home and I wasn't sure why all I knew was I was scared....



Today we had a doctor's appointment with our sons' plastic surgeon to discuss the last (fingers crossed) surgery before allowing him to get his life back and hopefully be able to start into a career. The news today was not good. The doctor feels the squishing part at the top of his head is infection. If this is infection there is only one option left and it isn't a good option. Tomorrow we meet with the infectious disease people to see how they feel about it. Nick has been on 11 antibiotics for 6 months trying to fight an infection which is in the mesh plate which is covering his brain. Over two and a half years ago Nick was struck in the head by a tire and rim as it exploded on him at work. He has had a multitude of surgeries he has had his entire face re-built. Now if this infection is still there the only option is to start over. They will need to remove all of the plastics they have done. They will need to remove the titanium mesh plate which covers and protects his brain. With this surgery comes the possibility of more brain damage, and the brain is non repairing. With this surgery Nicks face will look completely different and they remove all they have done to fix his face, every bone in his face was broken or shattered besides his lower jaw. The put him back together with plates and screws which would all need to come out. With the removal of all of these things his brain would be left unprotected. He would need to only have his skin covering his brain and broken face for six moths. He would be required to wear a helmet to protect his brain.

We will not know for sure until we meet with the infectious disease doctor tomorrow we need to know how much longer he want to treat Nick using this antibiotic therapy. This was being used along with hyperbaric therapy for 60 two hour treatments. The plastic surgeon feels that "the squishy" that he feels is a bit of infection that these antibiotics are keeping at bay but because the infection is around the mesh plate and it is foreign to his body it's difficult to eradicate it.

I pray that my son will continue to be blessed.

I've been a little scarce on LDS Talk lately. I have been burying myself in getting rid of 'stuff'' I no longer need to survive.

This has been a really difficult week and I almost felt like I wanted to retreat and go back to my serine life I had in Southern Utah. Although I was very lonely I didn't have the heartache I have come into since moving back. I have almost felt that my moving back somehow triggered these things to happen. Today I went to lunch with the church ladies. I have been away for almost a year and people were happy to see me and one lady who I have been visiting teaching to didn't remember who I was LOL. I saw her put her menu in front of her face as she asked and relatively new sister who I was! I laughed and said Joann don't you remember who I am! It took her a minute then it came back to her and she was asking me about Nick and was telling everyone that she used to tease me about looking like Jill on Home Improvement.
The death of Nicks best friend has been rough on all of us. He was just 20 years old with his whole life ahead of him and now he is gone. Collectively we have discussed how close we came to losing Nick less than three years ago. We have talked about all of their childhood memories together. Nick told me that day after his friend died that he would be asked to speak at his funeral. The day after that they asked him to be a pallbearer, today they asked him to also speak at his friends' funeral. Nick is ready for this; he is a great speaker and will do his friend proud. When he called to tell me today he said "Mom, will you help me with my talk"? Although he couldn't see me I was smiling as I said "Yes, I will help you compile the words which are in your heart". The funeral is set for Tuesday.

I know that I am to be right here where I am now, this doesn't take away the fear but it does bring some peace. I have even taken to being a homemaker again...doing little things for my family that I thought went unnoticed but now they really see.

What the heck?

My dad who is in stage 4 prostrate cancer is feeling more pain and fatigue as his doctors said he would. The cancer is in his bones and he has been feeling pretty good up until the last few weeks. My dad is a very proud man and doesn't often complain. I need to be there for him now in whatever capacity he needs me. It won't be long before we know Nicks outcome for the possible surgery. Hubbies father has been in the hospital on and off for 4 months and we believe he will go home the first of the week. It has been more than three weeks since getting my cast on and I it's taken it's toll on me as I feel I have so much to do and I need to get past this.

I couldn't sleep very well so I got up and did some research on the Internet about the duration I can expect to have limited use of my right arm/wrist. I came upon this and thought I might share it.



PHYSICAL THERAPY FOR THE SOUL

By Chelona Edgerly, Ph.D.



Having recently broken my wrist I have begun the long hard journey toward recovery. I never realized how long and painful the road would be. Once the cast came off, six weeks after the fight, I figured I was home free. I knew the muscles in my arm would be atrophied, but I thought with a little work they would strengthen and I would soon be good as new.

When the cast came off I nearly cried. There sat my bare arm, a sight I had waited six weeks to see again. My head told my arm to move-but nothing happened. At first I thought something was wrong, that I was paralyzed. But then slowly, painfully the muscles began to respond. I tried to turn it over. It barely moved. I tried to make a fist. My fingers twitched, pain shot through my hand, but nothing moved. It was then I realized just how long and painful this road this was going to be.

Now several months later my movement is much improved. I can make a fist-better later in the day after the muscles are warm and stretched then early in the morning when my fingers are stiff. Although it still feels frozen and awkward, I can rotate my wrist in most directions.

It is remarkable how we adapt to pain and restricted movement. When the cast first came off I continued to do many things with my left hand. It was just easier and it didn't hurt so much. Slowly, I forced myself to try things with my right hand, awkward and painful though it be, because I realized if I did not work to regain the use of my right hand I would remain crippled for life.

I work on stretching the muscles of the hand and wrist. I try to rotate the wrist a little further each time even though it hurts. I make myself do things with the right arm even though it is painful and difficult. I remember what it was like to have free and easy movement with that hand and I want it back! The pain of physical therapy is worth it only when I remember what it was like to move that arm freely; to live my life with no painful reminders of having ever broken that wrist, to not be on guard to protect it against possible re-injury or pain.

As I struggle to regain my physical mobility I am struck that recovery from emotional traumas take a comparable path. Whether it is a broken bone or a broken heart the road to recovery is similar. When a person first experiences the trauma of emotional pain her first response is to protect the injured part. Immobilize it, guard it from further injury, hide from the world if you must-but protect yourself at all costs.

Just as the time my arm spent in the cast was necessary for the bone to heal, so this time is necessary for the soul to begin its healing process. But just as the muscles in my arm atrophied from lack of movement, so the muscles of our soul atrophy from emotional withdrawal. One learns to limp around in the world, never letting anyone get close. One learns to smile when she is angry or hurt in order to protect her broken soul from further pain. Or she over develops the muscles of anger in order to keep others away. Emotions become unbalanced just as when my right arm atrophied my left arm strengthened. One begins to move more awkwardly through the world; trying to protect the part of her she feels is vulnerable. Freedom of movement is gone, as her soul become stiff from lack of love.


Eventually the cast must come off. It is often frightening for people when the cast is first removed. The same hard, protective devise that restricted their movements kept them safe as the bone healed and the pain subsided. So it is when a person first leaves the shelter of a guarded soul. It is frightening. One may get lonely when one is protecting their heart, but at least it's safe.

Just as I must work on stretching the muscles of my hand and wrist so those with a wounded soul must work to stretch the muscles of their heart. They must move away from the shelter of social withdrawal and begin to reenter the world. At first these stretches will feel painful. A critical comment, a harsh rejection or a broken trust and the pain of the injured soul returns. Each stretch holds the potential for more pain or further recovery.

Strengthening exercises are also necessary. Just as I must strengthen those atrophied muscles of my arm and hand so those with injured hearts must work to strengthen the muscles of their heart and soul. While I can lift weights to strengthen my body's muscles, one must take risks to strengthen the muscles of their emotions. Remaining calm in the face of perceived attacks strengthen the heart muscle and lets the anger muscles relax. Just as one wants your left and right side to match, so one wants the varying emotions to have equal strength.

Taking risks is an important part of the healing process. When I first returned to kickboxing after having broken my wrist, I found myself protecting my right hand and arm. Now this caused some major problems as I am right handed and tend to fight better with my right side. I pounded my right and left wrists together during the breaks to remind myself that my right wrist was healed. But the minute the fighting began I again worked to protect the right side. It was an automatic response--learned from the pain of a broken bone. So those who have experienced broken hearts or souls learn to protect them from further pain. They protect those parts of themselves that have been injured long after the injury has healed. They must retrain themselves to use those parts, reminding themselves that they are indeed healed.

If a loved one has broken your trust, be it a parent or a lover, you must take the risks of reaching out and loving again. At first this is likely to be very frightening. You have learned well from your pain and want to protect yourself at all costs. But to do so means you will remain in the prison created by your injury. To reach out risks the possibility of being hurt again. To not take that risk leaves you with permanent damage and atrophied muscles. You decide.

I have always prided myself on a firm handshake. Since breaking my wrist it has became quite a challenge and risk to hold my hand out to be shaken. Some who know that I have experienced a recent injury to that area shake my hand very gently. While I appreciate their thoughtfulness, I hate the fact they are treating me like an invalid. For those who don't know that I have recently injured my hand, I risk further injury if they shake too hard. I hold my hand out, take a deep breath and squeeze hard, hoping that my grasp will be firm and that the pain will not show on my face. When I can shake hands with no thought of pain I will know that the injury has fully recovered! When you can risk enough to feel and trust and love again with no thought of possible pain - you will know that your broken soul has fully recovered!

http://www.untaming.com/archive10.html

So yesterday was the day I was assigned to get my cast off of my right arm. I have my daughter take me since my son got to me there when it was put on. The medical assistant who I had never seen before (I know most of them by name) came in and said are you ready for this. I said oh boy I am ever!!. She proceeds to get the saw out and I glance quickly at my daughter who begins to snicker. Then the assistant grabs my hand and turns my wrist to the position she needs it. I flinch and moan. She is like did I hurt you? Taking my breath back I say just a little, my wrist has not moved that way in over a month, daughter begins to snicker again...teenage girls.
The assistant then slides a long plastic ruler down the cast though the opening at my palm telling me that this will protect me from being cut. I look at the thin flexible plastic ruler and wonder... She then turn on the saw RRRRRRRRHHHH and begins moving it back and forth on the cast on the underneath part of my hand. It wasn't long before I felt something and jerked say OOOOO. She stopped and looked at me in astonishment. "Did I get you?!!!" Looking her in the eye I said no not cutting me but I felt something I know not to be too good, it's hot! This time my daughter just doesn't snicker she starts laughing OUT LOUD and I can only join her along with the assistant! Together we decided the assistant wouldn't hold the saw in one spot for very long. : D

The cast comes and we head to x-ray. I look at the x-ray now know where the breaks are and I see while! I say gee that sure looks good to me. : D Then the doctor comes in to talk to me telling that if he didn't know better the x-ray was from my daughter because I have healed like a young person would!!!!

No brace or therapy needed. He tells me to just begin using it and stretching it after I have warmed it up. So this part of my life is really on the way to being normal again.

Well, I think our vacation to Hawaii did us all some good. We all enjoyed each other and had a wonderful time. Nick has gone off of his super antibiotics and things are looking good thus far. I have been very busy taking care of both our fathers since the have failing health. I have been busy getting our home ready to be put on the market. We have found a new home we like across the valley but if this one isn't meant for us I am perfectly fine to stay here this home is very nice especially with the fix-ups we are doing.

Anyone looking to buy a beautiful home close to the Jordan River Temple?

Let me share with you...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ywg-PdeGVL0&...ted&search=

Maybe I should have chosen another name for a different outcome of the last almost 4 years....

Nah, better stick to what I know.

Pretty soon my baby will be graduating from high school. She has worked so hard this last year. Tonight we will be attending an awards dinner where she is a one in nine chance of becoming STUDENT OF THE YEAR. Whether she gets the award or not isn't what matters, what matters is the change in her. I am so proud of her hard work in all she does. I am glad that we were able to take the leap of faith that we did for her.

My sweet father in law has had a very rough go of it lately. He has been in and out of the hospital since January when a blockage in his intestine sent him to emergency surgery.

Since his initial visit he has been hospitalized 3 times. The next one was to repair his plumbing and the other two have been from a fistula that has occurred. He is very weak and confused and he has been falling down and increasing frequency sometime three times a day. It is so sad to watch this pillar of his family become so frail and confused. I believe there is more to what is going on. He had an MRI on his second to last hospital stay, which came back clean... I wished we knew what was going on and how to help him best. Picking him up off the floor is helping him but still not sure that is enough... He is in his mid 70's.

Today.

Today I was up at 2:45 am staring to the clock through squinted eyes wondering if I had missed the appointment. Today my dad had surgery at 7:30 am and I needed to leave at 6 am in order to get there for him before he was carted off. I made it in time to hug and kiss my dad, my hero. I waited with his girlfriend while he was in surgery for 1 hour and 20 mins. As we entered the room he looked right at us with his big brown eyes, the same eyes my grandmother had. He looked very good and not too sleepy. We waited in recovery for about an hour and a half and then he was ready to go home. His girlfriend assured me that she could be there the entire day to care for him.

I then tried my MIL who was at another hospital with my FIL as he awaited his double craniotomy, brain surgery. It was time to go and I got there and waited with the rest of our family in the familiar room on the 6th floor where he had spent day less than three years ago where Nick had his own brain surgery and fought for his life for weeks. The brain surgeon came in and gave us information that would possibly equal a quarter of a sandwich. Didn't he see that we needed MORE from him? We were able to see him just for a matter of minutes bc it was getting close to shift change. We were allowed to see him just a few at a time and seeing him in restraints brought back so much....so much of my son being in such horrible condition in the very same room years before.

Tonight I cried.

I cried with thanksgiving in my heart to my Heavenly Father for allowing these men who I love so much to make it through these surgeries.

I cried to think how blessed we are to have an entire family who was represented and who cares so deeply.

Tonight I cried as I thought about how far we have come with Nick but what a difficult journey it has been at times. Now we will do our very best to rally around these men as they work to get their lives back.

Tonight I have this prayer in my heart.

Oh My Eternal Heavenly Father,

Thank you for blessing me with such wonder men in my life, Thank you for helping me to understand the gifts of father a little bit better. Thank you for blessing me with the ability to give love so freely. Thank you for teaching me what loves truly is.

Father, please bless these men, please help them to feel comfort tonight and be able to get the rest they need to heal. Father, please be with our family tonight as we have some fear, fear of what is to come in the days ahead. Please continue to bless us with Pease and understanding of thy will. Give us the strength we will need to endure this journey.

Father, I am so grateful for the many blessings which tho has given me. I love thee and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

<< First  < Previous | Page:  3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next >  Last >>