I got Married last 21st of March. sorry for not informing you friends. Its an Emergency...lol.

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When I look back, i notice that God plan my life perfectly, and every people that comes my way  play a part of it. even i met them for only one day. I remember one of the seventy's talk that God always send His trusted friend to answer prayers. He always send me His trusted friend. and i can easily recognize them because they are the perfect person that fills what i need. He sent them to me, on time. God never been late in sending those people to me. When my husband died, even im mourning at the back of my mind this still small voice are telling me not to worry because theres someone prepared for me. and im like, why are you preparing someone for me, I need my husband and he is the one i want. and i kept on ignoring that small voice.Then comes, the hardest part in my life.being a  widow. im crying and pleading to God that i need a husband, I need someone who will help me in my struggles, and i even describe the man that i need, But heres the answer, I need to go back in a place where i and my late husband live when he was still alive.Its a strong feeling, I wonder why, but i know i will find out the answer if i follow that feeling. Everybody, all the people around me are telling and questioning me for going back there, no ones agree with me, but i need to go back there. thats what i feel i need to know why, or im going to regret it. I dont have money for that, my budget is so short for another expenses, but i need to take my chances and trust God, because I know thats what He wants me to do...its funny somtimes that the hindrance of what God is telling me is the people who are very close to me. who are very dear to me. the people that i dont want to be disappointed....coz if i disappoint them, maybe they will turn their back on me coz they are the only one i've got. i gained a lot of courage to kick against the pricks and do what that still small voice said. so i went back there, I need to go back there alone, and left the kids with my Mom, Its always like that. when you follow God's commandments its not easy, but He says, I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it. I cried every night when i was in Quezon, I miss the children so much, and thinking of the next things i need to do in that place, i went back to my husband resting place and talk to him, and said goodbye too, i let myself go...because my late husband already told me to go with my life and find someone for me, he told me that on my dream....I decided when i go back there in Quezon that, I will move on with my life close this book of my life and open a new one, and if i close this book. i want to end it with a happy ending.. so i did, i go back to my in laws and let them know that im okay, that i didnt hold any grudge to them that i forgive them. and everything is okay. I hug them, and talk to them like nothing happens. I feel good about it. and its like i can see Heavenly Father Thumbs up on me. and thats the end of the story end of my book with my late husband. and i said to myself. So i open a new one. and i met this man. who help me open the new book of my life as a very exciting introduction to my new book. We meet only in a website where you can find a lot of singles in the LDS church...Its amazing how it happens. and He is the perfect man i am asking from God, The man doesnt even know that i ask God for someone like him. and in my prayer im smiling talking to God, saying..there you go again, you always want me to follow you without asking why, and without any idea whos this guy is. but i have this strong feeling that he is the man he prepared for me, That still small voice, stop wh ispering to me about this man when i met him. and its hard to explain, I think i can borrow the words that Adam and Nephi said, I know not save the Lord commanded me. and now where planing to get married on the 21st of March..if God wants this thing to happen in my life, everything will be fine. but if not He will do something to stop me. like He always do with my life. I never be the one who control my life. even i beg and ask God that let me do things that i want. if its not right for me, He never let it happen even i ask 3 times or more. Sometimes i am complaining "i said i thought we have free agency?" But you know even i want to do things that i want in my own way, im not that brave to argue with Father in Heaven and im not that brave to do what i want without his permission, coz my life is not me anymore, its about my kids, my family, and if i chose the wrong path or do the things i want without His permission I will mess up my life and i dont want that to happen because i know it will affect my childrens children. from generation to generation...and thats my life. Im looking forward this time whats   gonna happen next . What ever it is. Its a part of Heavenly Fathers plan for me, and He knows what is best for me. so I will use my Mission Presidents words to me, when i was so worried with our invistigator....".Let the Lord make the case"Im not gonna end my story here coz i know someday im going to write again......

Tags: Me Again

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The daily news paper screamed the headlines, Plane crash kills 43, No survivor of mountain tragedy. Two automobiles crashed when one went through a red light and six people were killed, Why should the young mother die of cancer and leave her eight children motherless,? Why did not the Lord heal her? A man died in his sleep, Wife found him struggling fighting for his life, His wife cried out in agony, Why? Why? would the Lord do this to me? could he not considered my three little children, who still need a father,? why did the Lord took his life while his wife is pregnant?

How can we say that the Lord love those people if He never answere them, Why?

They are not the only people who ask the Lord Why?  I am not the only one who ask Him Why? Even Joseph Smith The Prophet of restoration, while he was in  prison. In Doc. & Cov. 121:1-5

and even Jesus when He was on the cross in Mark 15:34

But the Lord answered Joseph Smith in Doc & Cov.121:7-9 and it helps me a lot. and i know if we only trust in HIm. we can find peace. even theres no answer to all the questions we have in mind.

and i know its not only us who feel the pain of loosing someone, Even our Father in heaven,

I would like to qoute what Melvin J. Ballard comment about Isaih 53:10

In that hour I think I can see our Dear Father behind the veil looking upon this dying struggles untill even he could not endure it any longer and like the mother who bids farewell to his dying child, has to be taken out of the room, so as not to look upon the last struggles, so he bowed his head and hid in some part of the universe, his great heart almost breaking for the love that he had for his son.  Oh! in that moment when he might  have saved his son.  I thank him and praise him that he did not fail us, for he had not only the love of his son in mind, but he also  had loved for us. I rejoice that he did not interfere, and that his love for us made possible for him to endure to look upon the sufferings of His son. For God so love the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

And in this Christmas time let us remember How God love us so much, He was born in a humble manger, He was born not for the rich, but for all the people who are poor. Let us enjoy this moment, this Christmas season with one thing in mind, That it is Jesus Whos saved us all. Let us look around us and find someone who needs someone to cheer them up. who needs a helping hand. who needs to feel love.and let us feel the true meaning of Christmas. Give love on Christmas Day.  Merry Christmas to all.

Tags: Hi

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Tags: Everyone

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Its like Yesterday, this time im crying sobing,confused, scared, feeling alone oh so alone, for being left alone of the man i really loved, Yesterday, Its his second Year death anniversary..time flies so fast like a lightning grease, its like water, you cant hold the day and let it  stay in your palm...when i look back i realize a lot of things from that experience  testimony becomes more stronger than ever. i've seen how God works in a very mysterious way, how He manifest Himself through the Holy Ghost, and How he gave or send help from all the people who are in need i've learned punctuality, He gave me what I need in the right time, never been late, and i converse with Him like He is just beside me, or infront of me Like my earthly Father, He gave me a hug when i need someone to comfort me, He gave me smile when i cant smile, and He assured me always that everything will be fine. How Lucky I am to have those great experiences...and How lucky i am to experience and be with one of his faithful son here on earth. and be with him eternally i    am so Lucky, He is so righteous and so humble, the spirit is so strong when im with him. and i can see that He is ready when God took him from me, ready for another calling to work with God. after the internment, i was crying so hard, and asking God,  Why? I need him right now...Do you need my husband more than i and my children needs him?I was 3 months pregnant and i need my husband, its a big Why?  can you just give me a clue. just a small clue coz i dont understand...        ..and that night i dreamed, its my husband, he is trying to comfort me, and he is telling me to be submissive, this is the exact word my late husband use " This is the will of the Lord and we must submitt unto it" how humble he is. when i woke  up  in the morning i feel well.im still crying coz i missed him so much but knowing that my husband is so humble to submitt himself with the Lords will..help me to do the same thing....days passed  its hard to cope up with everything....my Sister the youngest are helping me for everything...coz i have nothing, i left everything behind...in our province, knowing that all my in laws are so interested with all the things we had, i left coz i want to be in peace and traumatic experience for me and my kids are enough....i  have nothing, just my kids and my family.....and im 3  months   pregnant...My younger sister help me financially, and i cant help looking at my kids when they are sleeping , thinking how can i raise them, and again i ask God. can you just put us to sleep and never wake up too? so we can be with my husband..? its hard to think about it....my head is about to burst and my heart is broken into pieces. but im still alive and needs to cope up with everything, be the strength of my children coz they need me more than any one in this world. but the answer is How? I prayed so sincerely and ask God again, HOw?  How? coz i really dont know. who can hire a pregnant woman.?then one morning while im crying on my bed. My younger sister running and calling me, and i hurriedly wipe away my tears and ask why?!...she was holding his cellphone telling me excitedly that i have mail....when i open it...its from My Mission President and his wife and some letters from My friend in Mission....it was a comforting message, a message of condolence, and comfort, and My mission President's wife are asking me a lot of things...like where do i stay? where i am? and how i can cope up financially, i was crying again, and prayed, I thanked God for all those letters, it gives me hope, I told them everything, about my life. and my Mission President ask Help to all the people from Mission who knows me, and my late  husband because we serve in the same mission. they start collecting money so i can stand and start again, with my life....its a great blessings. they are online everyday to let me feel that they are always t here, if i need someone to talk, God is on time, I was about to loose hope, But Heavenly Father is on time, He never let me give up. He loves me, for sending people who give things that i  perfectly need....a lot of members in the ward are offering help. visit me in my house do house chores for me, or even wash our dirty clothes, bishop is doing his best to help me feel comfortab le in my new ward, and even primary leaders are doing their best so my children will feel comfortable with all the new people around them. my visiting teacher's are visiting me not just once a month, when they feel the need arise to visit me, they visit me, its real, that the angels will lift you up and   they      are   just there , i am sorrounded by an angels, me and my children can easily enjoy life in there, but everything that they are doing cant heal my wounds, its so deep, but i start smiling and laughing, coz inspite of the pain i feel i know theres a lot of people who loves and care for me, and I am a child of God.  but that knowledge cant erase the pain im feeling inside, i feel like half of my heart died too. i feel like my heart is so dry and its powderized not just broken  into  pieces   i   dont want that feeling anymore, and i want to overcome those feelings. i try to hide it. but its just make my heart frozen, i tried to be numb. not to feel the pain and try to forget memories but trying to ignore it. it affect my attitude, my brain, and i was almost forget who am i...and because i want to forget evrything, everything is affected........and its funny sometimes because a lot of people care about me, i was somtimes confused of what to do and what to follow because they are all suggesting what i need to do and some blame me for not following them, and it reminds me of   my inlaws   of pointing finger on me and blaming me for my husband death...they think they know what i need, and i was thinking too. because im so weak that maybe they are right, i realize that its me all alone who knows what is the best thing to do with my life, its me all alone who knows what is really going on with my life, its me Its just me and God, but im thankful for all those people they made me strong to decide for myself, be tough,and to be me again. but still the loneliness and pain  stay in my heart, at least im a little tough and ready to face challenges of being alone....then first year of being alone past again, and i think from the time he left me, thats the hardest part...im praying i need someone with me, and i need it right now. coz im having a hard time. and i dont know what to do anymore, all the friends are starting to vanished   one  by  one.  Well,  I understand that, they have their own lives to face and live with, and enough for me.thats the real time that im so alone, and no one to share all the feelings i have, im about to give up and chose the things that i know its not right....another dream came and its my husband again, asking if i am decided to do the things in my mind...i never tell anyone what is on my mind...but he knows it. and his face was so sad, he touch my baby's head feeling pity on her. and i was crying on my dream talking with him. asking again. why he left me. althought i know it already....when i woke up. i repented of the decision i was about to make..and i ask God again, i need someone, i need a husband...and i even describe what i really like to a man. not as perfect as my husbnd coz i know everyone has a different personality..all im asking is the one that will understand me and be with me, also help me financially.......its really really hard in the beginning of this year....then answer came, and the answer made me confused, i met a lot of man, and it seems that they are not the one im looking for even they are nice too. and i  feel that they just distract me on my focus...huh! Oh man! asking then complain.....lol. hmmm natural man! then i decided to do things differently, i need a lot of courage to make difference in my life. and i said Heavenly Father. okay its enough. I am thankful for answering my prayer, but if you are preparing someone for me, then give  him to  me now....coz this is the last one, i will try this last man. and  if everything will not work out, i will stop..and accept the reality that my life is being alone till i met my late husband again.......then.......................i always want to write this letter but it scares me a lot, to think that the pain will come back. But now, Wow! im so impressed coz i can do a lot of things, things that scares me, and its so easy...i can say that i am healed..and i owe this to a man. that i really love..........I love him. and I met him, in a day that i want to give up in trying to find a man for me.....who will understand me and help me in everything.....i have a lot of things to write and this last part....   or the continuation will be a happy one. coz thats what i feel right now.. life is a bit hard still but it become more easy kn owing that theres always someone with you.. who always ready to listen. lift me up when i am so down.and give me smile...and inspired me a lot. help me to chose the right. and    gives suggestions..................................

Tags: Remember

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Just for today, decide to be happy. To live with what is yours. If you cant have what you want, maybe you can like what you have. Just for today,decide to be kind. Be cheerful, be agreeable. be understanding. Be your best. Dress your best. Talk softly....look for the bright sides of things. Praise people instead of criticizing them. Just for today, try it. After all its just for a day. Who knows you might like it and do it again tomorrow....

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Death is a reality that I am coping with today.

While I am feeling like a victim

I remind myself that I will survive.

Though grief is normal and I must grieve for my own Health's sake,

I grieve not as one who has no hope.

Though I am familiar with sharing decisions,

Sharing experiences,

and doing for another as well as myself:

I can be alone without feeling lonely

I can make decisions for myself, and

I can learn to do for myself all that needs to be done.

More than any other, I know what is best for me.

I will act on my own advice, as well as others 

As much as possible, I elect to be in charge of my life.

I will remember, I cannot help that.

I do have some control over how long the memories linger.

I have a choice as to how I deal with my pain.

I give myself permission to live,

to face reality and change it where I can

and accept it where I cannot.

Like any other human being, I need to be close to another, at times.

The death of one so loved does not change that need.

I will actively seek closeness with others as the need arises.

I choose to live and except the best that life has to offer.

While death is a reality, I will remember that

neither death nor life shall separate us

from the love of God. I am NOT alone.

I make my commitment to live life to the fullest,

with God's help. 

Tags: Hmmm

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