Viewing 1 - 9 out of 14 Blogs.

Page:  1 | 2 | Next >  Last >>

I have agoraphobia that is currently being helped by medication but traveling is a serious problem . i live 30 miles from the nearest ward ,,, with therapy and meds i could manage to be baptized  but being a part of the community living according to the teachings of the church where i live would be very difficult ..

BUT the biggest problem has to do with local church authorities in the past i have had some serious arguments and misunderstandings with leaders and false reports were made about me so getting them to listen and trust me would be like pulling teeth ... some of that is my fault some of this is their fault ..

the only solution would be for me to move and relocate to a lds community  but i have not the means for that and dont misunderstand im not a beggar or free loader and thats not what im asking ..

i just need some advice ,,'

i could move into a home less shelter just so i could go to church temporarily but that would be a harship in itself .

Tags: Lds Membership Converts

 I suffer from such severe anxiety that i cannot venture more than a mile from my home . I am totally dependent on my mother. I am not under medical care i cannot get to a drs office and a dr is not going to come see me . I have tried so hard to get help ..my mom and i have racked our brains trying to find help and there is none for me .. I live in  rural area of north carolina where there are not allot of resources We have tried social services , we have tried one agency after another and they cannot help me either because i dont meet some qualification or because its impossible for me to travel to their office ... I am stuck , my mental illness is getting worse i have obsessions and compulsions and that is a living hell in itself .. I only see four options
1.Suicide
2.Waste away
3. Or find someone to help me so i can help myself


And before anyone accusses me of seeking sympathy or attention let me assure you that isnt what i want ..in fact i cant stand it makes me angry ..i dont need a pat on the head i need guidance ..i need a reason to hope ..I need help ..

I believe in responsibility and self help but there comes a time when you cannot help yourself .

I need some direction .

you will read this and think me mad but although im not a member and no longer an investigator  i feel that i belong maybe it is in my mind but i feel a familiar something i cant explain it other than it feels like home ..and not as a cliche' it goes deeper than that ..it is the once was feeling .

Anyway in my mind or not in spite of the differences i have with lds theology and the hateful way i have been treated by some of its members ...i love this church i find myself defending this church to others   i find myself wanting to know more ..to maybe go farther ..maybe ...

i am afraid i have no hope ..i am afraid there is no use to even bother because God will not forgive me and im damned ..my life sucks and i feel powerless to do anything about it everything is just soo messed up ..i dont have the energy to put one foot forward ..

If you asked me do i believe in God the honest answer is halfway ..which of course is like saying im a little pregnant ..Well..its a paradox for me ..i fear the judgement of God but at times i wonder does he exist ...does he really exist ,. not because i want to avoid judgement and therfore i try to talk myself out of believing but because the fact is im just not sure ..for me the question is certainty ..do you know that you know that you know ..can we ever have absolute certainty about anything in the physical world and if not how can we infer the existence of a creator with any real creedence in our own ability to make such an inference ..it gets quite complicated ..its like the more you dig the deeper the whole becomes with what ifs and propositions so much so that you cant see the light of the sun any longer ..

 

lately i have been combing over books and articles online laying out arguments and opinions about how we know God ..the knowability of God ..i see merit from different points of view ..

and i dont know whose right ...faith is not supposed to be a blind leap in the dark ..but faith is not always grounded in reason ..reason can only go so far ..i might infer that there is wisdom in the things that are made and i can clearly see that there is ..but if im not careful i might fail to distinquish The creator from the creature which will result in pantheisim ..if i take the classical arguments regarding cause and effect this creates a number of problems ..

one of which is the God you seem to prove is not the God of the bible and therfore isn't God .

God is not a first cause he according to scripture created the universe out of nothing so therfore there is no continium between himself and his creation and furthermore he did it from his own free will ..Cause indicates by neccesity ..Also lets suppose i did accept the cause argument atsome point i must take a leap of faith and say that the first cause created out of nothing which is something that cannot be logically deduced which destroys the foundationof the entire argument ,which is reason ...also the same argument can be used for atheisim ..

Every thing that exists has a cause , God is not caused so therefore God does not exist ..

the point is is that arguments are like guns the real issue is who is using them .

Im not sure God can be proven period ..Bon hoffer said that  a God that allows us  to prove his existence would be an idol .. i am inclined to agree ..

Now matter how smart you think you are there is alway someone a little bit  smarter

My dad taught me that and i think he did it to keep me humble ..

I meet others who have a higher IQ it seems . and those who live smarter if you understand my meaning ....than i do ...my human nature wishes to deny them that right iot wishes to conquer to over come to take no prisoners its rubbish ...they are here before me and i should learn from them as we all should ...

Being humble is a difficult practice for most people it takes the giving up of pride , and not many of us wish to admit that we are wrong ..that we are at fault that we have neglected to do our best for others and for ourselves .... we don't wish to abase ourselves for the sake of the truth because we prefer to serve the illusion that we are really in charge of things ..that we are god ...which we are not ..

In and old Mickey Rooney film Mickeys character is talking to a priest and the priest says to him..

In all my years as a priest i have learned two things ...

There is a God ........And im not him ...

I am a firm believer in corporal punishment in the home ..provided that it is done fairly ,and of course non abusively ...The age limit for corporal punishment is a controversial subject however and that has to be decided very carefully ..

Case in point ..

There was a rather young  gentleman who was walking through his neighborhood one day and came across an elderly gentleman sitting on his front steps crying  ..He stopped and asked the elderly  gentleman why  he  was crying ..the elderly man ..replied ..My dad just spanked me because i cussed out grand pa ...WOW ...  Woo said the young man in response that sucks ..how old are you Dude ..Ninety the elderly gentleman said ..I'm ninety years old ..

Perhaps the 90 year old kid should have been grounded instead of spanked ..

Some parents never seem to learn.

Tags: Family

I want to apologize to anyone i have offended since i came to this site ..Regardless of the circumstances it is always my responsibility to think through what i type and while some of the offense i have caused has come about through misunderstanding on the other parties part still i regret that as well..

So i apologize to whomever on this sute that i have offended in any way whatsoever ..

I will strive from now on to live up to my belief of treating others the way i wish to be treated ..

I will not be abused ...but i will not abuse either ...


Andrew Cothran

Tags: Lives

On the evening of October 24 1998 , six year old David  Holmeswas attending a fall festival with his family when the unthinkable happened .. It was a  wonderful evening at the church , the weather was fair there was a number of attendants from below six  to over sixty years of age . There were smiles and laughter children at play , adult conversations a time when everyone was fairly relaxed and no one no one had an inkling that tragedy would strike would strike within the hour ... But then do we ever ..?

Among the games the children played that evening was the Pinyata ..Well you needed a strong young boy for that job so they picked Raynor a 14 year old member of the church he was blind folded placed in position and when given the word he swung ......He missed ..
The he was told you ..Swing Again Swing again...Raynor did ...but at the moment he was swinging six year old David darted out of the group of children who had been waiting patiently for the pinyata to be opened ....Raynor swung ,,David ran up to the pinyata and Raynor struck David instead ...

The stick that was intended to burst the pinyata with the force of the young mans arms collided with davids neck..

Raynors Father who happened to be a  paramedic was present at the scene  . He tried CPR as Davids mother looked on  but to no avail ..David was gone ..



I recieved a call within 48 hours of the tragedy from a friend who just happened to be Davids mothers younger sister Davids  Aunt .. She explained what had happened and she asked me if i would be a pall bearer ..i humbly accepted without reservation or hesitation but i had no idea the impact it  would have on me ..


At the wake there was an open casket and a number of people had gathered to see him at the family ...After i had greeted the family i went into a sitting area and i watched Davids grandfather as he came in with Davids uncle .. I was sitting there listening to a gentleman talk about how close we all are to death and then a teacher from Davids elementary school walked in  privately introduced herself to Davids grandfather and presented him with a collage Davids classmates had made in memory of him . The grandfather thanked the teacher and after she had left he walked away and wept ..


During the wake and during most of the funeral the following day i was stoic ..i conveyed my sympathies but i did not cry ..I knew how to do my job and hold in those emotions ...
But during the service a woman who has now passed on sang a special song entitled For Those tears I died .. I listened to those lyrics ...among them were these '' And Jesus said Come to the water stand by my side .I know you are thirsty you will not be denied .Ifelt every tear drop when in darkness you cried And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died ...

I wept ..I wept bitterly nearly without control ..Suddenly the reality of the tragedy , the loss of such a young life , the senselessness of it all and the compassion spoken of in that song over came ..I tried my best not to let it show ..after the service i carried the casket to the hearse and could hardly keep from crying in front of the other pall bearers , i made it to the parking lot and when i stopped to ask a funeral director a question it all erupted , he comforted me so did my mother in the car ..

What right had i to weep it and yet i could not keep from weeping ..

Jesus Christ sorrowed at the tomb of Lazarus his friend ..The Bible  said Jesus wept ..and others who looked on him were saying See How he loved him .... Jesus the Son of God was no stranger to sorrow .. He wept for loss ..he wept because of our sin ... And Jesus the Jesus i was taught of all of my life looked down from heaven and im sure he wept over the loss of David Holmes as he weeps im sure for all children who die ... Im sure he felt like weeping when he hung on that cross and he cried out Father forgive them for they know not what they do ..

The christian message that Immanuel God with us ..is not only that the christ died for our sins for he did , but he also bore our sorrows he took our pain he understands our need ..

So yes it is true for those tears he did die ..He took upon himself the grief of a loving mother father aunt uncle sister.. He took upon himself the grief of every parent or child who suffers ..He died for our sins and for our sorrows as well..

Page:  1 | 2 | Next >  Last >>