I have a nephew who seems to only play war and army to the exclusion of most other play activities.  He has grown up with some difficulties and is still facing them.  His father, my brother-in-law, is an Army veteran with a purple heart lets his son watch all kinds of movies and talks about his experiences of war all the time.  I respect and understand the concept of “a time to kill;” I really do.  I value the difficulty that our military had and continues to go through for freedom.  I’m thankful for what they have done for my family and me.  When the recent wars started I really wrestled with how I would talk to my children about the concept of war, fighting and killing people.  I was torn between being patriotic and the value for human life.  Being a Christian, I see humanity as being created in God’s image.  I also know that I grew up fighting.  Sometimes I’d fight two or three times a week until one fight in high school that I went to watch.  One was an old friend of mine that I no longer talked to and a new friend that were fighting.  I remember standing there as blood splattered everywhere.  I thought, “I do this to people” and wondered what it ultimately proved.  I stopped fighting from that day forward.  If somebody was trying to hurt my family I’d have to do whatever it took to make that person stop.  The thing I was thinking a lot about what how do I teach these things to my children and still feel comfortable telling my kids to not rely on fighting to get their points across?  Might doesn’t always make right but sometimes it’s required.  Is it possible to make sense of this without being hypocritical?  I pro life.  I look around today and see that people kill their unborn babies and often hide behind “woman’s choice” or “it’s a woman’s body” arguments.  Many people do this and then fight and fight for endangered animals.  I will keep teaching my children to see the worth of human life.  I teach my children the value of animals too but see animals as creatures made to help us-sometimes they help us in many ways yet I don’t think we are to kill them just to kill them or torture them “for fun.”  Sometimes we need to kill them to eat them.  Sometimes we need to kill them to protect the family from them, etc.  I’ve been teaching my children this and trying to teach them to be courageous to kill when it’s time to kill but not just to kill for killings sake.  If we need to protect those in our charge then I think it would be ok.  I think I’ll keep working on this but I think that if I tell them that we ought to live in a peaceful state as much as possible yet, at times, it is appropriate to do what is needed to be done then so be it.  I do not teach them to kill just to kill because that would be like just being a destroyer.  Instead, I teach them to be a protector and provider.  I still need to think on this I think…(I say that a lot I’m learning)  

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Sometimes it’s just good to hold your tongue.  I used to always say, “I have two ears and one mouth so I guess that means I should listen two times more than I speak.”  I realize that I’ve gotten away from that a lot lately.  I used to be fine with quiet.  The “uncomfortable silence” was something that I easily sat with.  It’s not that I didn’t want to interact with the other person but at those moments when it’s better to keep your mouth shut, I developed the ability to sit calmly and stay attuned to the person I was communicating with.  I’m really going to take an active role in spending some quiet time with each of my children in the next week to see how they respond to it.  I’ll spend 1:1 time with each and try it out with them and see what they think about it.  This will be fun.  I’ll start tomorrow.  J

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Thinking on things that I’ve gotten away from in the last few years make me think of something I really need to start doing again.  I used to really enjoy talking with people.  Just people-old, young, it didn’t matter.  At a young age I remember hearing a quote that said something like, “I consider everyone my superior for from them I can learn something.”  T.S. Eliot but I could not find it so I’ll have to keep looking for it.  Bummer that I couldn’t find it to give credit to the correct person-sorry for anybody that might be reading this blog.  Anyway, I found one that was by Shakespeare but it was different so I’ll keep looking later.  Anyway my point is I lived that way most of my life.  I know I didn’t know everything and needed to learn a whole lot more so I’d always enjoy meeting with other people to pick their brains.  I know that from the young I can learn to see things differently and learn a new way to see things.  With old people I found similar things but I’d also tap into their experiences whenever I could.  I was looking for wisdom, knowledge in action.  From the older person I would ask about what they had experienced, what they’d learned from it and what they’d recommend I do differently than they did in that situation.  I’d take all the information, listen to it and then spend time processing it.  I have not done this for some time now and realize that I really miss it.  We are always learning and I need to get back to learning from people.  This is going to be fun.  I’m thankful I flashed on this tonight. 

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There is folklore of a locomotive engineer named “Casey” Jones.  The folklore grew about his bringing in the train on time.  People would talk of the sound of his whistle and people recognized that he’d be dead on time.  He’d supposedly take some risks so he’d be able to make up for lost time.  He was determined and would do all he could to show up on time.  I read more about him tonight.  There is a story about his demise.  He apparently died in real life by risking his own life to save the people on his train-he was a hero.  I like that part because he gave of himself-unto his death for the lives of others.  I was going to write about Casey Jones and how he’d rush to make up time so he could show up when he was supposed to and I wanted to talk a little about that concept.  I admire timeliness, I do.  I admire it so much I love to be early when I go places.  I think I’ve over done this too.  This is what I wanted to talk about in this blog.  There have been many times when I push and push and push to get done what I want done of myself but I can now see the importance of being patient.  I don’t need to chomp at the bit as much as I have throughout life and need to start understanding that slow and easy also gets the work done without adding too much trouble so if I start out early, go slow and steady, like the turtle in the story of the race with the hare, then we can still reap the benefits from that too.  It’s not always about speed.  Like how I’m raising my children…

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They say, “Marriage was made in heaven” yet it is clear to me that our participation and maintenance of a strong relationship is dependent on each individual in the relationship.  Looking at that concept in that way makes my portion in that job stand out in a glaring way.  How many times have I messed up in my dealings with my wife?  The answer is way TOO many.  Yes, it’s a two way street, I know, but if it really requires consistent and strong work to keep things healthy then I’ve fallen off on that job and have not always been a godly example.  The little frustrations, teamwork in raising children, and working toward strengthening our relationship has not been given the necessary time for that to be successful.  I have changed some things but there is still a long way to go.  We both need to work together to get back on track with things and devote the time and energy that is needed like we have been recently.  That’s all for now. 

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I'm SUPER tired so I might go home from work soon and just crash out for a little while.  Before I'll do that I just wanted to draft out something that I was thinking about and write a couple lines on it.  I don't expect it to be clear or actually make sense but I can fix it later.  K- so here are some more thoughts from yesterday’s discussion with Samuel.  He was torn between God answering his prayer and also other times when God apparently didn’t answer them.  One of the main things I think would have to be considered in this.  It would be the content vs. the process of God reaching out to us, his graciousness, and his sovereignty.  Samuel was also talking about his response that even after having his prayer answered they still had some increased frustration “even after God just granted his prayer request to refill his heating oil,” he said.  I guess I just wanted to type about the need to factor in the human part, sinfulness and the tendency to rate prayer by our own selfish standards.  When we look at all that and forget parts of this concept then it can be easy for us to get caught up in focusing on all the “insignificant” things that were NOT apparently being answered.  God works out his own things through us and does what He wants.  Who are we to question it really? 

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Sheep

I spoke with a man today that I’ll call Samuel.  I wrote about him in an earlier blog.  He is a man, in his 50’s that lost his teenage son to cancer.  His son died a horrible and painful death after exhausting all treatment options.  Samuel is an intelligent man that I really enjoy talk to.  He is intelligent and he likes to process religious things and wants to see what they look like in reality.  It’s fine to talk about theological issues and he turns over in his mind, how the spiritual and pragmatic aspects dovetail.  He is focusing on how, in reality, thing actually look, what they mean and why they are the way they are.  He is interesting because he is difficult to understand at times.  He's hard to figure out.  Maybe it's the inconsistency that I'm struggling with when we talk.  He does not just accept things at face value for the most part but then again he does with some things.  Samuel really wanted to know what prayer and healing is all about.  He believes in God, believes in what the Bible says, and wants to know what it looks like in reality.  More than that I think he really wanted to know why his son was not healed after all that prayer.  He prayed for healing for his son, tried various methods, maybe I should say sequences, and approaches in his prayers to see if he could lay it out, in just the right way to have God heal his son.  He tried many ways and his son still died.  He wonders about prayer in general and if God answers prayers.  He is facing significant financial difficulties.  This weekend he only had 2% of his heating oil left in his house and decided to pray and ask God for help.  He put his hands on the tank, prayed specially for the fuel to be fully refilled and the next day he watched a tanker pull up and fill up his tank completely.  He was very thankful for what God had done for him and his wife.  He wrestled with the concept of God not healing his son while on Earth but and also being grateful for the oil.  He said, "When the shepherd had a sheep that would run off, he's get it, break its leg and then carry it around until it was healed so it would learn to depend and stay with the shepherd."  Samuel said, "I think God has broken my leg."  That was an awesome example.  There is plenty more to say but I'll stop there.  :)  Thank you Samuel. 

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We are relational creatures.  God put into us a desire for relationships.  When born we do not know about mistrust.  A brand new baby gets care from people, provided sustenance and being provided some physical touch.  Their noses work and their eye sight develops too and of course they can hear.  Then their eyesight focuses and they develop some familiar sounds.  The new baby cannot trust only “safe” people yet.  What happens there?  In life I’ve been exposed to dangerous and unsafe things.  Time and again, they’d pop up and I’d recognize them for what they were.  I learned to listen, watch, expect, and deal with it when it came up.  That taught me to learn distrust.  It showed me that there are times to be careful.  Then, growing up in L.A. I also learned about the concept of manipulation of other people, being on guard for it and being suspicious.  I wonder why I don’t remember ever being suspicious of God.  Well, I was disbelieving and critical of belief but it was not a distrust of Him.  I wonder why I didn’t have that part?  Is it kind of like the baby thing with other people and not knowing the need for it?  Hmmm, that’s interesting.  Am I like a baby that just doesn’t know better?  I don’t think that’s it.  Maybe it’s the lack of experiencing anything different from God.  He has always provided for and is reliable about himself-always.  Maybe that’s the difference.  God is a safe and secure thing in my mind.  Maybe that’s it…I think so.  

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Discomfort

Discomfort, difficulty and pain are things in life and I see it as something we must learn to face head on.  Sure, I don’t like pain but sometimes we need to put up with it, get over it and move forward.  I have a lot of pain in my spine in the last year.  Yes, it hurts and I don’t like it.  I do not shrink from putting up with things as I’m teaching my children that it’s part of life.  I’m not unique with the pain as we all have it at times.  I teach my children that there are times to deal with it.  For example, if it’s a hot day and there is work to be done, as a man that cares for his family, I just need to do it.  Feeling sorry for yourself will not make things better.  Sometimes it physical pain and sometimes it’s pain in the heart.  L  We need to keep on keeping on I tell my kids.  Things heal themselves for the most part.  When we hurt our body, in time, it heals and we don’t feel it anymore.  Basically, what I’m saying is pain and discomfort is temporary.  It will pass.  The things that hurt today may not hurt or at least hurt as bad tomorrow and in one years time, it may not hurt at all.  The things that hurt your entire life or the things that are progressive or chronic are still temporary.  I think God allows pain.  Kind of like Job.  Satan had to ask God first and he allowed it.  He gives us the strength to get through it.  He knows.  We cannot be overly sensitive to pain.  That is not to say that we can’t feel it or dislike it but we cannot give into its negativity.  When I was a kid we used to skate and there was this one boy that when he fell he would sit in front of or on the other side of the ramp, crying.  It would drive me crazy.  If you fall and are hurt, scoot over, get out of the way and deal with it.  There is no reason to sit there and mess it all up for the other skaters.  Same with life imo.  Do what you need to do and don’t get caught up focusing on yourself.  No need to sit licking your wounds and self-pity like a beat dog.  God has plan for it even when it’s hard for us to see the big picture. 

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