A heart that is broken and confuse. A heart that is not sure what to feel. I wish all this emotions can be put in place that I could put in order my feelings, but I am not even sure how I feel. I know how painfull this last six years has been and I know to leave was a good desicion, is better to leave a relationship were there is nothing more than hurt, pain, disapoiment. But as the memories come back to you of all you when thru, anger fill your heart, hurt over power you. to clearly see the things you did not see before, gives you a feeling of hopeless. To know how you were play and to know they practically saw you and laught at you in your face, that they were "boy, how stupid she is that does not even imagine what is going on" makes you feel like a fool.

I could keep on and on, and I will never see an ending. I wishI had someone fisically with me that can give me a hug, that could erase the scar I have. I wish I could have the chance of being at least haft the person I was , But the more I think about it the more hurt and pain I feel.

JerseyMom

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Is a new day and hope all goes well. I anticipate that it is going to be the same as alway, and wish something new, something good will come my way. I try to keep myself optimistic, I try to be happy, so lets see how it goes.

I wish I was able to do something new, I do not know what but something new. Anywho lets see what happen? Love, JerseyMom

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Sometimes you come a cross people that you never imagine they some how will afect your life. I know this person and everytime i get to know this person better I can feel what  pure soul she has. Even when some people may think she is weird, the way I see it is that she is a very especial person. I am gratefull for her to a point friendship and for the help she has given me.

Love, JerseyMom

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Maybe this is a more funny note. but as I was in the bedroom with my daughter I sterted to smell a very nice perfume I was wow the aroma was familiar but the last thing I imagine was she had something to do with it. I was man!!!!! whoever has that perfume spary the whole bottle because I can smell it all the way in my house, lol as I was passing by were I have my lotions I looked and saw that a purse size bottle of a perdume call 5th Avenue was haft empty, lol I looked at my daughter that was playing make up and asked her  hey were you using this, she was "yes mommy" She has empty out haft of the bottle I figure she did it as finishing part of her make up game, Children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Love, JerseyMom

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I think it was a couple of week ago that I told you how my new bishop and his wife had their first baby. Even when I never met the little one, I am certain that she was a beautiful baby. Sadly, this baby girl was born with a condition that made it almost imposible for her to live if something was not done. She was bron with very narrow rib cage, which made it hard for her lungs to grow and eventually she needed to have surgery for her lung to grow or she will die.

About two week ago they anounce at sacrament meeting why bishop was not there and it was because that next tuesday of that week his little one was having surgery, sadly the litle one did not make it out of surgery. She passed the way at the surgery table.

As a mom myself I can't imagine how hard this must have been on them!!!! I also know and seen how faithfull this man is that having lost his daughter last week or so he was there, at church carrying on his duty as a bishop. I wish you guys can see they faiht this man was able to show by just looking at him. Yes I also saw how tire he looked, but still he was there with his congregation, he was there with us. I saw today a man of God.

True I have never seen his wife, but I csn imagine that she is also a woman og God just by looking at her husband.

I also know that no matter what, this is still a hard time for this family and I pray they will have peace and the confort this family need. I also know that by the faith they still have the will be blessed greatly.I am sure they know that their little angel is with our Father in Heaven now.  Love, JerseyMom

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I do not remember if I told you that since I move to New York, about two sundays ago I was able to find the missionaries and they were able to tell me were the church was were I live. It has been two sundays since I found the church in my area, I have had the chance to talk to my bishop and tell Him a bit about my life.

Well, I came to learn that his and his wife are the new parents to now a 7 weeks old baby girl who was born really sick! from what bishop told me, I forgot the name of the disease she has, but what I do know is that her ribs were not fully develope and her lungs do not have any space to grow. Eventually, if this problem is not fix the baby has very little chances to live. Bishop told me that they first needed to see if she was able to make it and then they will decide to do surgery on her.

Today, bishop was not at church, we were told that he had an emergency and that his little one was having surgery this coming tuesday. So I am asking you guys to keep his little one in your guys rayers and for those who can go to the temple to put her name in the prayer list. Her name is Beatrice Ann Low. Imagine how hard this must be for this family to expect their first child and she was born sick. I am sure that they do understand that Heavenly Father has a plan and I am sure they will acept whatever the outcome is, but what a blessing will be if they are able to soon bring their little one home for the first time. Love, jerseyMom

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At this moment there are no words to express how gratefull I am to our Father in Heaven.I remember how I woke up this morning wondering about certains things that are coming up. I remeber telling myself and praying about them and I remember telling our Father in Heaven how worry I was because of this things and because of the need I had of them.

I went about my day, still thinking and asking in my heart about it and I remeber how I kept telling myself I knowthis are materials thing wer efor some people they may seen that material things are kind of what I will saynot a necesity but a desire to obtain things.

I remember coming back from my apoiment when to do my laundry and remembering how I had my prayer answer about what I needed.

I knew this, but know my testimony about how much our Father in Heaven know our needs and how you will get your prayer answer has goten stronger big time!

I was told once how sometimes our prayers will get answer at the time were you need them to be answer, and how if they are anwer that means you needed what you asked the Lord for, well I know what I asked for today I needed it I got my answer imediately.

I am so gratefull for the gospel in my life, I am so gratefull for our father in Heaven, for His Son, our savior Jesus Christ, for his atoment and for the promise we have that if we follow Him and that if we live like Him we have the promise of returning to his presence.

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The Lord does work in misterious ways. I think most of us agree on that one. Last sunday as I was geting of the train I saw the elders and I stoped them to find out the church is a walking distance from were I live now.

After I talked to them I said a prayer and promise Heavenly Father that I will change a couple things I needed to change. Our Heavenly Father knows each of us.I was waiting to heard from a couple places for a couple of things I needed to doand the very next day both places called me. Isn't that amazing?

I went to one of my two apoiment and even when I have what I will call dark hours ahead of me I could trully see the blessing that that especific preyer brough to me and my daughter.

Even when I am depress and when I am not in my best hours, I can't lie to say that at this very moment I feel some level of peace. Even if it is for a split second I will say I am gratefull to be able to experience it.

I feel that as a lot of us know our Father in Heaven give us trials to help us become stronger. even when I may see it clearly in a near future I know that a reason that we may face trials in our lives is to see how faithfull we are, how long we endure, and I just want to point that this is my personal opinion.

At the moment I feel inspire to write these things, I feel the need to say that I feel a reason we face trials and tribulations is to see how strong we are in the faith and to help us realise that without the Lord we would not be able to do it in our own.

I feel the need to say these things because I know that even when we have miss church, or have stay away for whatever reason it may be things will only get worse for us. That once we realise that and pray for forgiveness we start to see an improvement of whatever situation we may be facing.

I wish I could be as optimistic as I am now, and even if it change, even if my mood change, I felt the need to write about this.

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last saturday Kathy dad took her for his visits. It was a very hard moment for me to think we are trying to run away from someone and yet we still have to deal with him. I know that he is her dad and that he should be in  her life but after she came from her visit with her dad  she did not even wanted to be near me. she did not wanted me to touch her which made me think is there anything that i am doing wrong?

these last couples of days her behavior has chage dramatically and can't stop thinking that maybe she does not want to be near me and it hurts me so so much.

It has come to the point that I have goten depressed and no matter what I do she is not happy. :( There isn't anything I will not do for my little one. I love her so so much, she is my whole life and to see she is not happy with me makes me feel I am not helping her.

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