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Just a note. Got word my grandfather passed away. My family is a mess (like last time when my grandmother passed). Especially my mother. I'm driving up to Canada now (7 hour drive) so I can drive down to VA with them (14 hour drive).  Pray for my family, and that I will have the strength to support them.

What do your Halloween habits say about you?

 

So I took this test about what your Halloween habits say about you, and here’s what it said:

  a. You’re a friendly person, but not the life of the party. You like making someone else's day - and you'll dress up if you think of a really fun costume. 
b. You're weird. You're downright deviant. And you use dressing up in a costume as an excuse to act out. 
c. Your inner child is open minded, playful, and adventurous. 
d. You truly fear the dark side of humanity. You are a true misanthrope. 
e. You're prone to be quite emotional and over dramatic. Deep down, you enjoy being scared out of your mind... even if you don't admit it. 

f. You are a total overachiever and workaholic. You're the type of person who plans their elaborate Halloween costume weeks in advance.

  

Let’s dissect this.  A.  Yes. It’s true. I’ll admit.   B. I am weird, and am deviant, and while I don’t act out in costume…I do take the part to heart *evil grin*  C. This is also true. D. Let’s come back to this.  E. I am emotionally, I’m highly sensitive…I’m not sure about being scared, though. I very easily jump to the worst case scenario, and I do it as a coping mechanism. I imagine the worst outcome, and then when it’s not that bad (but still bad), then I’m relieved. F. This is true about everything. I need to work really hard at everything, which can suck sometimes. And being a bigger lady, I need to plan in advance for a costume…it has to be appealing, modest, affordable, and fit properly (it’s surprising how immodest costumes are, even for larger ladies).

 

Okay, back to D. For this one, I’m fairly sure it came from the question: which is scarier, vampire, zombie, ghost or troll. None of them were scary to me, but ya gotta pick something, ya know?  I don’t think I fear the dark side of humanity. I’m very interested in crime shows and love the psychology of criminals. (btw, have you ever seen the show Most Evil?  It’s great!).  To be honest, I love psychology period. Just figuring out how people think gives me a rush. I specifically like ancient cultures and criminals (ancient or modern).  It just fascinates me. By not placing judgment on their actions/crimes, I’m capable of studying their school of thought and really figuring out why they did what they did. It just interests me so much.  So then the answers say that I’m a true misanthrope.  Do you know what a misanthrope is? It’s a general dislike, mistrust or hatred of the human species.  Hatred! I don’t dislike, mistrust or hate anything, least of all humans. I will admit, I am often saddened by the human species, but I don’t dislike them. People say I trust too much and too readily. I tend to trust until you give me a reason not to (not always a good idea, but whatever). Hatred. I don’t hate anyone. There are people I dislike, of course, but I don’t hate anyone.

 

I was surprised by this quiz. What do you think, is it true? Any of it?   

 

Here’s the quiz for yourself:

One thing my Physics teacher mentioned in class was the asteroid in 2029(I think is the year).  I was the only one in class who knows about it. That's the one that is about the size of South Burlington and will pass by us closer then the moon.  When does it do this? Friday the 13th of April. Besides it being an "unlucky day" (Friday the 13th), it's also exactly 7 days after the Birth of our Lord (April 6th), and almost 2000 plus 33 years after His birth (He wasn't born in the year 0, but a little before that, the person who arranged the calendar made a mistake which I know of, but wont go into b/c I'm probably boring you as it is).   So He was born sometime between 6BC and 3BC...  I don't know if it means anything...but it just seems like an awful coincident. 

After it passes us, scientists aren’t sure how our gravity will effect it's orbit. One options is that it comes back to us in 2046 on Friday the 13th of April. This time they don't know what it would do, if it would pass us or not. (not being it might hit us). And that's awful close to 100 years after the nation of Israel was put back in the land of Israel by outside forces (UN, England, US in 1948ish?).   I don't know, I’m odd, but this is what I think about during the day.  

I also saw a program about ancient transportation, and there was a carving in an Egyptian sarcophagus that clearly showed a helicopter, a sub, a ship, etc.  It was so neat! And everyone is trying to figure out if they understood that stuff, if they used that stuff, or if we're just seeing it b/c it looks like what we're used to (which still seems odd that they would be together like that, and not be more random).  I tend to think that, well, there were a lot of Prophet's who saw our days, and I don't know who they told about what they saw, but it wouldn't surprise me that people would put what they saw down on paper (or rock).  I don’t know.  Seems like the thing to me. Especially Egypt, who tried so desperately to imitate the Gospel (in their imperfect way).  


Alright. Rambling. Going to do Physics now. :)

So...why am I such a loser, again? I seem to forget.   I've applied for 3 different jobs at the hospital (within the past 2 months) that I feel I am more then qualified for...and within 24 hours I get notice that I have not been selected for an interview.  What's more, one of the jobs has been listed since October, and is STILL listed today.  It wouldn't bother me so much if they would at least explain why they didn't choose me.  *sigh* 
So I applied for three more today, two of which the minimum is less then I make now at my current job.  But perhaps I could talk them into more. I don't know. I wont accept if it doesn't pay more.  There would be no point in leaving this job.
It's not that I dislike my current job. I love my manager and my associates, and the flexibility is nice, as is the ability to get all the overtime I want (which is hard to utilize when school is in session).  But for the responsibilities I have, the pay could be better, and there's little to no room for me to advance. I've advanced all I could (which is pretty decent considering how shortly I've worked here).  My boss is trying to get me a raise, but it's hard to fight with corporate.  I don't know what I want to do. I'm torn.

On top of that, my brown pen ran out, and they're hard to find. I like to use one color pen for the entire length of my journal...and my brown ran out.  So i switched to olive green. I know, it doesn't matter, but it does to me. OCD kicking in, I suppose.

A single in Middlebury left today to move out west. First to Missoure  (sorry for the misspelling), and then to Utah.  I spent way too much on her going away party and gift.  I need to stop doing that.  There goes my state income tax rebate.  *sigh* I can still use my federal income tax rebate to pay off the bills I wanted to, but you know what I mean.  Man, when is that $600 gonna get here? June seems an awful long way away. 
I mean, I'm not doing horribly. I'm not swimming in debt. Besides my school loan and car loan, I might have a total of 1000$ in debt (which is my computer, my medical bills and a low balance on a credit card).  But still, I don't like having any. Then I meet that single girl, my age, who owns a home in utah that she rents out while she lives out East.  Nothing makes you feel more like a failure then others doing better then you.  I try not to judge myself against her, I try to just be happy for her. But it's hard. Especially when i've just been turned down for three jobs I totally qualified for.

But I know I'm just having a moment of self pity, a moment of depression, and that it will pass tomorrow.  I know that I wont be judged to others standards, but to my own, and the Lord know's what has been dealt to me, and what has been dealth them. The heart has burdens the eyes can't see, and the Lord will take them into consideration.

On the plus side, I'm thinking of joining a gym. I need to do something, and my friend (who has equipment) isn't in the state, and thus they're off limits to me.  The membership isn't too expensive (20$ a month), and it's 24 hours, so I could go at 7 after work or something. I could do it 3 times a week (Tues, Wed, Fri). I'm sure I could. If I'm paying for it, then I'm more likely to do it. I don't know. I think tuesday I'll go to the establishment and ask for a tour, and to talk to them about it.  I need to do something. I lost 30 pounds last spring, and then stayed steady all summer, fall and over the Holiday's. I didn't gain over the Holiday's, which was a major accomplishment, I think. But when signing up to have the school order my gown for graduation this June, i told them I was 30 pounds lighter then I was, as an incentive to loose more weight. they said i could call and change the weight if I wanted, but I don't want.  I want to loose those 30 pounds by June. Then my temple dress will look even better on me then it already does.

And it looks good on me, trust me. After my first trip through the temple, for my own endowments, I mentioned to a friend that I needed to get me one of those mirrors in the Celestial room, b/c I looked georgous! He said that perhaps I just need to get me a Celestial room. I like that idea as well.

One of my New years Resolutions was to serve more in the temple, and I need to get that rolling.  First step, see if the PassPort law has gone into effect. If not, start going to the temple every other Saturday (it's only 2 hour drive).  If it has gone into effect, then i can't go right away (the closest Temple to me in the states is in Boston, and that's 4 hours).  Either way I need to get a passport. perhaps I'll use some of my Federal rebate to do that. That will fasilitate my temple attendage, and thus it ranks up there with paying my debts, I feel. So yes, getting a passport, paying off my computer (the highest interest), and then the rest to my credit card. (I don't get alot back...).  When my scholarship comes in, that should cover my Medical bills.  Then when the $600 comes in from Uncle Sam, that'll go to savings or to my car...I'm not sure. We'll see, probably half and half.

Alright, I'm rambling. it's late, and i want to leave work (haven't really worked the last half hour, now have I?).  Have a good evening, thanks for letting me vent.

On a side note, I wish that I could upload the font of my choice into this thing...that would make it cool.  But that's okay, the fact that we can blog at all is a miracle of modern science, and I shant complain.

Wow, a second blog. I can’t believe I’m doing this, I’m really not a big blogging fan.  But I suppose it beats working

 

So yeah, I’m at work. I’ve already done my taxes, and received my school text books for the semester. They cost me $100, but I saved $150, so I’m pleased. Only one more semester left, and I’m done.  I’m not sure what I want to go when I graduate…if I want to use my degree or not. I’m constantly looking at the hospital for employment opportunities, which would not mean working with my degree. However, if I work at the hospital, I probably wouldn’t have as laid back of a job as I currently do, not to mention less time online at my leisure however my company has decided to not allow access to facebook, so that’s a bummer.

 

Tonight is Institute and I’m driving down. It’s only a 50 minute drive, but since I’m driving (and it’s supposed to snow tonight) I have a vested interest.  I’m also bringing my pumpkin spice cakes with cream cheese frosting. It didn’t come out as well as I’ve done in the past, but cream cheese frosting makes anything taste good, so it’ll be fine.  The class is generally pretty interesting, but the talk in the car on the way back (with the few people who car pool down) is more so   Speaking of, I should call those people and make sure they’re going to meet me…

 

*sigh* So I’m really tired. I’m trying to get myself into a good sleep schedule…but can’t seem to find one. I say “I’ll go to bed by 10”, but some nights (like Mon and Thurs) I probably wont get home until 9:30 or 10…and I need an hour after being home to relax and be able to sleep (I get over stimulated when I’m out).  So then I say “alright, 11”…but I get distracted with some last minute chore or some program on tv.  So then instead of waking up early to work out (which I desperately need to do), I wake up at 8.  I’m still fine for work (9 o’clock start max for me), but still…I’d like to do earlier.  Perhaps at some point I’ll be able to, but not right now.

 

So…I don’t really know what else to say, to be honest. I don’t like to get too personal when the whole world can see it.  That’s what my journal is for.  I would like to meditate a bit more then I have as of late.  It’s very helpful for me, and I’ve gotten out of the habit. *sigh*  Yeah, I need to get on that. 

 

I realize I have a problem, and that problem is blame. If there’s blame to be had, I’ll take it.  I’m constantly looking for things that I’m doing wrong and things that go wrong that I can claim.  It’s an issue that I need to address, and I’m working on it.

 

Alright, I think I’m going to read a bit…tired of blogging. I’m not very good at it  have a great day.

I don't write blogs, and read them even less. Don't know what inspired me to do so now...

Nothing really going on. I'm enjoying being home. I had a decent visit with my mom and stepdad. Religion never came up (thank goodness), we had made an effort to ensure that. However my mother wasn't too impressed with my 30 pound weight loss since I last saw her and thinks my clothing is too tight. It's not, it fits appropriataly and isn't 2 sizes too big like hers.  Nothing like visiting parents to bring up your self esteem

I'm really liking not having work.  I wish I didn't have to go back. I half wish they'd fire me, so I could collect unemployment and take a break from work for a while (a month tops), and focus on myself for a bit. I don't like feeling frazzled as I currently do and need to re-connect a bit.

But I'm not the type of person to purposfully get fired, and so I'll continue with work. Perhaps I'll figure a way to make it more congruent with what I need. 

Alright. Enough of my squacking.  The end.