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Tags: Poems Poetry God Love Hope

The Best Parts of Me
Written by Rebecca.

She loves me.

Her soothing face makes me smile.
It makes me want to laugh and dance.
I could stare at her for quite awhile.

She made me what I am.

At least the good parts I'll give her credit for.
Because of her my life means more.

She's what I live for.

She's the one I want to make proud.
She's the one I want to make smile.
Hers is the face I look for in the crowd.

I will love her forever
No matter where I go, what I do, what I see,

She loves me.



Please Don't Give Up On Me Now
Written by Rebecca. May 2007

Don't give up on me now
Growing up, you were my hero.
You were the sunshine to my day.
You are what made me happy.
You are what I thanked God for when I would pray.

You raised me the best way you could.
You showed me the path I should go.
You taught me about good things and bad things.
You helped me to learn and to grow.

The basics of life were laid out for me.
The path I should take seemed so clear.
Because of the things you had taught me,
There should have been nothing to fear.

And then life went and took over.
And I grew up so quickly, so fast.
And suddenly life put a fork in the road,
With obstacles I couldn't look past.

I now was an adult, the choices were mine,
I had to decide which way to go.
So I chose the one that seemed to be good,
It was the path where the trees didn't grow.

I started my journey on this clear little path,
It was a nice little journey to start,
And as I walked further along this clear path,
The two paths grew further apart.

I thought I was happy on this little path.
It made me feel independent and free.
But the further I walked down the path I was on,
The further your path parted from me.

And soon we were on two different life paths,
And they intertwined occasionally.
But again I'd move further down my little path,
And again you'd get further from me.

But God intervened, because He knew that He must,
He did something that had to be done,
He put up a road block on both of our paths
They halted and turned into one.


I wasn't quite sure to begin with,
I wasn't sure if it would work out,
But after a while I realized
With God you never should doubt.

Those months with you were the happiest I'd had,
Since I left from that path that you were on,
And slowly we started walking together again,
The road blocks that were put up were now gone.

And soon after the paths had combined,
Another fork in the road we had found,
And I chose to walk along the path next to you,
But I slipped and I fell to the ground.

I should have asked you to help me up,
But I wanted to let you see,
That I could do it all on my own,
I didn't need you carrying me.

So I told you to go on, I'd catch up in a bit,
And I brushed myself off from the fall,
And I tried catching up, but the further we got,
The harder it was to see you at all.

And soon enough I came to another
Point where I had to choose
So again I took the path with fewer trees,
What did I have to lose?

It didn't take long for me to see
That this wasn't the path I should take
And I know I don't want to be on this road
But I don't want to admit my mistake.

And I don't want you to worry about me,
I'm supposed to be on my own
I chose to be on this path by myself,
It's supposed to show you I've grown.

But all it has shown is unhappiness,
I wish I could be next to you
And hopefully since I've not been here long
My wish will turn out to come true.


But please, please, please realize
The choices I make in this life
Are choices that I made all by myself
Even the choices that may cause me strife

You did the best a mother can do
You taught me the things I should know
You gave me the basics of life that I needed
To help me make decisions to help me to grow.

So now I am at yet another fork,
I know this won't be the last
But this one I am trying a different course
A different one from the past

This one looks like it will be a lot more work
There are bushes and flowers and trees
And I'll have to work if I want to make it
To the glorious oceans and seas

And I hope when I get there you'll be waiting
And I hope I'll see your bright face
For yours is the brightness that moves me along
It's your smile that keeps me in the race.

So don't give up on me now
Keep cheering me on as I go
I'll have bumps and bruises and will fall many times


These lives that we live are not easy
And I'm trying as best I know how
To keep standing up every time that I fall
Just don't give up on me now.

What He Didn't Do To Me
By Rebecca. December 2003.

Do you know the pain I've felt?
What it's like to lie awake scared?

Listen for footsteps above you on the floor?

Do you know what it's like?
To not know why you feel the way you do?
To have chunks of memory taken from your mind
Looking for answers you can't find?

Do you know what it's like to not know?




Do you know what it's like to see him?

Do you know what it's like to hear him?
Why is he happy? He doesn't deserve to be.

Why can't you remember?
What memories lie inside?
Where is the truth?
Why did he lie?

He says he doesn't know
How can he not know?
He makes me blame it on my mother,
But really it's no other,
Than him!

He wants to work it out.

A father doesn't love his kids like that.


His smug smile hurts me inside.
I want to cry when I hear his voice.
I want to tear my eyes out when I see his face.
He did this to me. He put me in this place.

I want out.
I don't want to stay in this prison inside.
I want to be free
Free to be me.
Free to see life doesn't have to be this way.
Not having to pray
That it won't end this way.
Knowing nothing more than what he didn't do to me

My biggest goal in this life has always been to be a mother. That's all I have ever wanted. I think every little girl, growing up, wants that. To have a baby in your arms. To see the innocence of a child. Knowing that what you do in your life will help shape that small little baby into the person it will one day become.

Over the past few years though, I have had this feeling. More than a feeling. It's like I know that I will never be able to have children. Something just tells me that I'll never give birth to a child. And I've always said i would adopt. But today it hit me.

In my patriarchal blessing, I am told I will be a mother of nations. And I realized today that maybe I was looking too deep into that statement before. Perhaps, all that means, is that I will be a mother to children from nations everywhere. Adopt around the world since I won't be able to have biological babies. Of course, none of this has been proven. I haven't gone to a doctor for tests or anything, but it was just a thought that came to my head. And while I would be completely okay with adopting children, and I would love those children as my own, a part of me still years to be able to have that baby that is a part of me.

I shouldn't even be thinking about these things. I'm not even close to marriage, and don't think that I will be close for some time. But these are just random thoughts that run through my head.

I try not to think too often, it hurts a lot.

I've been trying to come up with a blog topic for the last 45 minutes, and I can't think of one. I feel like blogging, but I can't come up with any ideas.

Anyone have ideas for me? I'll write when i wake up if there are ideas that I like.

My brother is one of my best friends. When we were younger, before grade 3, we were best friends. My mom likes to tell stories of us before we were in school. I had really bad speech problems, and he was the only one who could understand me. He was my translator.

As we got older though, things changed. He became the social butterfly, and I, well, I became the one who would sit at home alone. I almost resented him for being the one always going out with friends, but I just got out my books and read, waiting for him to come home and tell me about his night.

When we got to high school, I became friends with some of the girls in his "group". Suddenly I was the one going out and doing things. And not only doing things, but with HIS friends. He hated me for this. I remember one time waiting for my dad outside a donut shop, and my brother and I had it out infront of my mom. It was a pretty big fight.

As much as I disliked him growing up, I still loved him. He was still my big brother. He was my protection.

My brother was always the tiny, scrawny kid. This led him to be picked on, especially by my dad. One day my mom, dad (mom's 2nd husband), and brother were goofing around, and for some reason my brother got some spit on my dad's shoe. This led to my brother getting thrown across the room.

Things like that occured often. And then one day, seemingly over night, my brother grew.

Not only did he get tall (6'2"), he got big. He lifted weights, and become a pretty strong guy.

I don't know if my dad didn't realize how big my brother had gotten, or thought his petty little mind games would work on my brother still, but he still treated my brother like crap.

One drunken night, my dad pushed my mom down the stairs. My mom left, as always, after the fight. My dad went downstairs to where my brother was, and I don't know the specifics, but I guess words were exchanged. My dad threatened my brother, and my brother, in turn, threatened my dad. Without going into details of what the threat was, it scared my dad enough that he didn't lay a hand on any of us again until my brother went on his mission.

The year before my brothers mission is when we finally started becoming friends again. And while he was gone, I missed him more than I ever thought I could miss him. He came home in April of 2001. We had the summer together before we both went off to school again. That was an awesome summer.

We ended up going to Toronto and upstate New York to visit the area my brother served his mission. I really got to see a different side of my brother that summer.

It's funny, because my dad must have once again forgotten my brother was bigger than him. When we went to Utah to drop my brother off at school, we went to dinner at Olive Garden. We had all finished eating and were just sitting around visitng in the restaurant. My brother was playing with a left over breadstick, which pissed my dad off. Next thing we know, they're arguing in the middle of the restaurant. Or rather, my dad is arguing, and my brother is basically laughing at him. Finally, since my brother wouldn't fight back, my 5'6" dad says to 6'2" brother, "I'll punch you in the nose!!". To which my brother scoffed "I'd like to see you try that", then stood up.

My dad shut up pretty quick.

Over the past 6 years, my brother and I have only gotten closer. We go to eachother for advice, for laughs, to vent, for everything. He is truly one of my best friends, and I love him to pieces.

Which is why it is so hard for me to see him the way he is now.

My brother is an alcoholic. He knows he is. I wish there was something that I could do to help him, I just don't know what to say or do.

This weekend he lost a good friend because of his drinking. And I think he finally realized what a problem it is. Today is day 5 without a drink, and he's pretty much freaking out. He says his problem isn't so much the not drinking, it's that he wants to be with friends, but in order to be with friends, he "has" to drink.

He called me, in tears, on Friday night/Saturday morning. He told me he thinks he's just like our dad. I tried to tell him he's not like my dad. All he could see was that he is an alcoholic, and so was my dad. I tried to tell him he was NOT like him. That he is a better person than our dad. That by him calling me that night, pouring his heart out to me, proved he was a better man than our dad. He wouldn't believe it.

I just wish there was something I could do or say to him that would take all the hurt away. That would help him forget the things of the past. He is so messed up from growing up. He told me he can't even watch tv anymore without hearing a car run and thinking mom is in the garage again trying to kill herself.

I want to help him. But I don't know how.

So I will just be there for him. Be his little "sheeshdur". Listen to him when he needs me. That's all I can do, I suppose. He knows what he needs to do. I'll just be there to help him along the way. I just hope it's not too late for him to get better.

Ok, decieving topic, but siouxz (woot i spelled it right) gave me the topic of music, specifically 70's disco, to write about. I think the topic is about all you'll get out of this blog that's 70's disco.

I love music. I don't know what I would do without it in my life. I grew up with it being a great part of my life. My mom played the piano, guitar, and harmonica when we were growing up. When we moved to Canada she started teaching piano lessons for some extra money. When I was 4, I got my first lessons from her.

About a year or two after she started giving my brother and I lessons, she decided we needed someone who could teach us better than she could. So we found someone who taught my mom guitar lessons, and my brother and I piano lessons.

I loved playing the piano. I just hated the whole practicing thing. I finally quit taking lessons when I was 16. It was probably the best thing I could do for myself when it came to music. Taking lessons was making me hate the piano. I wanted to play for enjoyment, not for "homework". There is nothing I find more relaxing that being able to just sit down and start playing. To forget about the world and play til my heart's content.

I also grew up singing.

I loved singing in church, and eventually joined a singing group called "the good time company" when I was in grade 3. I sang with them for 7 years, until the lady who ran the group decided she needed to spend more time with her family.

I loved that singing group. We were fairly well known around southern alberta. We started out as a small group of about 10-15 girls, and by the end of the group there were probably close to 40-50 girls and guys. We had the "junior choir" and "senior choir". The senior sang with the guys, the junior was just girls.

After a few years of being a group, we started travelling with our singing. The furthest we went with the group was to Florida.

The summer before grade 8 we went on "tour". We did fundraisers all year from quilting raffels, to plane ride raffels, to making pies, to selling pizzas. And finally, after a long year of practice and hard work, we made it. We got to sing on the steps of Magical Kingdom in Disney World. We got to sing at this market place that is huge down there (which i forget the name of right now), and we got to sing at Universal Studios.

It was awesome. Because we were "performers" we got to go "behind the scenes" of disney and universal. It was pretty cool, being my first time in any theme park of that size and getting to see the background stuff. We had so much fun.

After that, we stayed more local again for a few years. We would travel to Calgary or Edmonton for competitions, but nothing too very far away.

The last trip we took as a group was to Vancouver. It was for another competition. We didn't compete though. We signed up, but just for the experience. We learned after that if we would have competed we would have scored very high, especially for it being our first competition of that size. There were groups from all over North America there.

Sometimes I miss the group. I wish we could have continued to sing together until the end of high school. But I know that the time I had in the group were some of the most memorable times of my life.

So, this blog didn't end up being remotely about 70's disco...but it was about music. So, thanks for the topic bob. You rock...(n' roll...disco style)

I had a conversation with someone I met in a chatroom a month or so ago. We had only talked maybe 3 times. Including this conversation. I thought I had lost it, but realized the conversation was on my laptop, not my desktop, so I came to see if it was still on my laptop, and it was. YAY. It probably doesn't mean much to anyone else, but to me, it does. It was the first time I realized why I know I belong to the church. Why, even though I don't go, and do some not so good stuff, why I love the church.


him: then let me ask you something
him: I will preface the question with a statement though
him: I am not Mormon and with reason
him: If I were to show you the reason would you consider looking at it
me: no
me: and i will tell you why
me: because i have read so many things that people have shown me about why the lds church is wrong, and why other churches are right, some stuf anti, some stuff just different opinions and it all leads to one thing
me: it doesn't feel right to me
me: i may not be a practicing lds, but when i think of how the LDS church has taught me to love my father in heaven, and all that has happened in my life because of the LDS church it makes me feel good inside
me: and if it isn't right, then in the end we'll all know, buti know that right now while i am on this earth i am supposed to belong to the LDS church because that is what is right for me

The conversation went on a bit longer, and got into stuff I wasn't really comfortable with. I had stated my opinion on things to him. We discussed "everyone being bad" and such. We discussed a few things. At which point, I had made my point, and told him the conversation was over. He continued talking, at which point I told him the conversation was over...

me: seriously this is the end of the conversation. i told you i'm not interested in hearing what is wrong with my religion. i'm telling you what i personally believe. i don't care what the bible said. i know what is in my heart. i know how i feel. i know that when i go to church and talk with god i have a close personal relationship with him. i know that he is my father and he wants the best fo
me: for me. i know that he cares and he lives and he wants the best for me and would not let me go to hell without giving me another chance.

He continued talking. He told me he was only trying to help me. To save me. I hate it when people try to save me. I've had so many encounters with people trying to save me.

him: Do you think God is trying to get through to you by those people
me: no, i think god is trying to strengthen me by throwing people at me trying to disuede my faith in HIM

He told me everyone was bad, even him. that it says so in the bible. I replied.

me: no, everyone is good. we were made in God's image

The conversation ended soon after this. After he continued to push, and I continued to ask him to stop.

As I was looking up at the topic while posting this, I realized something. The topic has double meaning. There are 2 things I realize I haven't lost. One, would be this conversation. The second thing. The most important thing. I haven't lost my testimony. And that, that makes me the happiest girl in the world.

As I sit here this morning, after a very long night at work, I turn on my nano. I talk to my friend on msn, and browse the internet.

And then it comes on. And I start laughing. I am SUCH a dork.

So, here it is, the guilty pleasures on my nano.

Backstreet Boys. Gosh I will always want to marry a Backstreet Boy.

N'sync. Yeah, I was never really into them a whole lot...but I liked them enough to still have a cd or 2.

Britney Spears. That's right. I own a Britney CD. Her 2nd one to be honest.

Take That. Not sure who all really even knows who they are. But I sure do. Robbie Williams used to be a part of that band. I loved this band so much that I stayed home "sick" one day to enter a phone contest. When I finally got through, I wrote an entry in my journal proclaiming it to be the happiest day of my life so far.

Boyzone. I never owned a Boyzone CD, their song is on the Notting Hill soundtrack. But still, they were pretty cool.

Neil Diamond. Oh yes. I own the essential Neil Diamond. He brings back memories of my childhood. My mom would put on his music on Saturday mornings and we'd clean, clean, clean. The music was so loud you could hear it across the street. Pretty crazy.

Clay Aiken. Ok, I admit, I am ashamed I own a "cd" of his. It just has 2 songs on it. But they're nice songs! Give a girl a break!

New Kids On The Block. These boys were my first celebrity crushes. Between my best friend and I, we had all 10 new kids barbie dolls. We even went to a concert. That's right. We were nkotb girls. And we loved it.

Hanson. But it's only MmmBop. So that makes it ok right? But really, this song was awesome. Who couldn't resist the brothers with the long hair that looked like girls? And it's a catchy tune. Nothing wrong with that...

O-Town. With a hit like "Liquid Dreams" you knew their success would be short lived. But I liked em. So much, infact, that I spent a whole 12 hour drive listening to one of their songs over, and over, and over, and over again. Yes. One song. That's how cool I am. No, it was not Liquid Dreams that was on repeat.

Pussycat Dolls. Catchy songs. Fun songs. Again, I'm cool like that.

Okay, I think those are most of my guilty pleasure artists for now. If i find more I will be sure to add them. Because there is nothing more exhilarating than admitting your guilty taste in music to a bunch of strangers on the internet

love ya guys

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