Viewing 1 - 9 out of 26 Blogs.

Page:  1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  Last >>

one

word

quiz

 

1. Where is your cell phone? bed

2. Your significant other? SOOOOOOOON

3. Your hair? messy

What's your family background; where's your family come from?

Swedish, Swiss, German, Jewish, French

What's your sign?

ha, i ask people at work this question then do some random motion for my "sign"...anyways i'm pisces

What's your favourite fruit?

mmmmmangos

Do you like hot cheetos?

never heard of em

Do you like cheesecake?

ooo yes, yes i do

Do you have a lot of close friends?

hmm, probably about 5 or 6 

Are you quiet or loud?

depends on who i'm around.  if it's people i don't know, i'm quiet.  if i'm with friends, i'm LOUD

Do you ever just sit back and think about things?

all the time

Are you easily amused?

ha!  yep

Do you laugh every day?

i try to

Do you like meeting new people?

yes and no.  i always find the initial meeting a bit awkward but i enjoy getting to know them if it's someone i'm gonna know for awhile.

What do you feel strongly about?

personal hygene

Are you a compassionate person?

i try to be.  but sometimes think i come up short in the compassion area.

What's something the makes you different from everybody else?

i'm me, and that's all you need to know :D

What's the last book you read?

the last harry potter book.  i just started the tao of pooh, and twilight, and have a thousand splended suns on my table waiting to be read too

Would people say you’re a goody-goody?

they used to.  they don't anymore.

Do you get bored easily?

depends on the day

Do you like celebrity gossip?

i used to, now i could care less.

Do you follow trends or do you try to be original?

i've never followed trends

Are you open about your feelings?

nope.  unless i'm happy.  but if i'm sad or upset i try to hide it, or don't talk about it.  one of my friends recently told me that whenever she sees me cry it makes her cry because i so rarely actually cry, that to see me well up with tears means somethings seriously wrong.

Who do you confide in?

Myself, and God

Are you a different person around different people?

nope i'm not.  i hate it when people are.  i had a friend like that once...

From 1 to 10 how shy are you?

1 being not, 10 being REALLY...umm...probably about a 4.  i used to be a 10, only not shy around my 4 or 5 friends that i had.  but working in the job i do makes me HAVE to be not shy.

Are you a computer geek?

i've been called that, but i don't think i am.  i'm just good at faking it

Are you addicted to the internet?

yeh

Do you like coffee?

nooooope.  not even the smell.  i hate making 20+ pots a day at work.  it stinks.

Do you like to wear jewellery?

sometimes.  but usually it ends up driving me nuts so i take it off

What kind of music do you like?

a bit of anything.  i've been known to cook at work starting in the morning listening to josh groban, then finish off the day listening to eminem.

Your all time favourite band/singer?

hmm.  i love jann arden.  i dunno if she's my all time favorite, but she's someone i've enjoyed for a while.

Are you scared to kill spiders?

YES!!!  i get scared that if i kill one, it's little spider friends will come attack me in the middle of the night.  it's true!

Do you believe in God?

yep

Ever been in a fist fight?

nope

Do you have any siblings?

q brother

How do you treat somebody your mad at?

usually i just don't talk to them until i cool off a bit.  mainly because i don't want to say something i'll regret, cause i tend to do that when i'm upset.

When you’re mad is there somebody who doesn't mind if you vent to them?

my brother, eddie, miranda, brite, mikey.....yep

Do you like to clean?

at work i love to clean.  at home...not so much

Are you single?

i'll let you know in 2 weeks...hehe

what are some things you want in a bf/gf?

someone i can laugh with, and talk to and feel comfortable around.  someone who i can have a whole conversation with without saying a word.  someone who is caring and loves me for me.

What would your ideal bf/gf look like?

don't really have an "ideal"

Do you like the way you look?

more than i did 2 years ago.  and not because i've lost weight or anything, but 2 years ago, when i was 25, for the first time in my life i could look in the mirror and say 'wow, i'm pretty'

Do people ever tell you your pretty?

yeah

Have you ever told somebody they were good looking?

yup

How do you respond when you get a compliment?

i kinda get a little shy and say thanks real quietly under my breath almost

Do you think the dreams you have mean something?

some of them, yeah

What kind of sense of humour do you have?

hmm...dirty lol.  and a bit sarcastic depending on who i'm joking around with. 

Are you sarcastic?

heck yes 

Do you jokingly call people names?

depends on the person.  my brother and i have "name calling wars" and just come up with completely random off the wall names.  rhonda and i do that, but to a lesser extreme.  most everyone else i'll just jokingly call them dorks or nerds or geeks or something.  nothing too bad...

Do guys/girls ever flirt with you?

i've been told i do, but i have trouble telling when someones flirting.  i'm kinda oblivious

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

i dunno, like 15?

What colour looks best on you?

hmm...lots of colors

Ever worry about the future?

not so much worry.  but sometimes i wish i knew what the future held for me.

How many pets do you have?

1...a picasso dog...he lives with mumsy

Are you a jealous person?

i try not to be.  depends on the situation.

How do you react when people stare at you?

i stare back

Are you ever serious?

yeppers 

Can you keep a secret?

yeah

Do you like to go out to eat?

sometimes.  but that gets old fast

Do you cook?

oui oui oui

Do you like Halloween?

it's ok.  i think if i had kids i'd like it more.

What's you favourite season?

autumn.  i love seeing the leaves turning beautiful oranges and yellows.

Favourite month?

uh...i don't have one

Favourite number?

17 i suppose

Do you have any online friends?

tons

Do you like the outdoors?

love them 

Do you like shopping for gifts?

yep

What are you top 4 favourite TV shows?

LOST, any law and order, antm, hell's kitchen (at the moment...)

Top 2 favourite movies?

hmm, i love Crash, and Ever After. 

Do you play an instrument? If no what do you want to learn to play?

play the piano.  would love to play the guitar

Have you every seen a celebrity in real life?

at concerts n stuff if that counts

Ever met a celebrity?

uhm...corb lund if that counts lol...if anyone knows him haha

Are you a deep sleeper or light?

i can be both

Do you dream a lot?

yeah

Ever had the same dream over and over?

yep

Who do you trust the most?

God

Ever done any drugs?

tried one once and was like 'what's the point of this?' and never tried again

Do you enjoy deep conversations?

depends on who it's with. 

Do you ever help a stranger in need?

i try if i can

Do you like speaking in front of lots of people?

actually i do, as long as i have time to prepare

Do you own a digital camera?

i own 3 actually lol. 

What's your favourite holiday?

Christmas

Do you like smores?

looooove them

Favourite candy?

hum, depends on my mood

What do you want to be when you grow up?

a mum

One thing you always wanted to do?

own my own store

If you had the chance would you go to the moon?

no

Say something random:

i can't be random when you're putting me on the spot

Favorite ice cream flavor?

dreyers new york strawberry cheesecake...you can't get it here :(

Any last words before the survey ends?

byebye

 

About a month ago i found a biological cousin of mineon myspace.  last week i sent her a message.  last night she wrote me back with some phone numbers.  one of another cousin.  one of my biological dad.  today i got a message from my biological aunt.  i wrote her back.

i'mnot sure where i go from here.  his sister told me he was shaken up, but pleased, that i had contacted his neice.  what do you say to someone who left you when you were less than 2 years old?  but someone who has had a piece of your heart for 27 years, even though you were told you shouldn't love him?

what do you say to someone you have no memories of.  to someone who, you long to have a relationship with, but know realistically it will be near impossible for many reasons.

how do i tell my mom i contacted him, without her freaking out?

where do i go from here?

The Best Parts of Me
Written by Rebecca.

She loves me.

Her soothing face makes me smile.
It makes me want to laugh and dance.
I could stare at her for quite awhile.

She made me what I am.

At least the good parts I'll give her credit for.
Because of her my life means more.

She's what I live for.

She's the one I want to make proud.
She's the one I want to make smile.
Hers is the face I look for in the crowd.

I will love her forever
No matter where I go, what I do, what I see,
She's my mom—I love her.
She loves me.



Please Don't Give Up On Me Now
Written by Rebecca. May 2007

Don't give up on me now
Growing up, you were my hero.
You were the sunshine to my day.
You are what made me happy.
You are what I thanked God for when I would pray.

You raised me the best way you could.
You showed me the path I should go.
You taught me about good things and bad things.
You helped me to learn and to grow.

The basics of life were laid out for me.
The path I should take seemed so clear.
Because of the things you had taught me,
There should have been nothing to fear.

And then life went and took over.
And I grew up so quickly, so fast.
And suddenly life put a fork in the road,
With obstacles I couldn't look past.

I now was an adult, the choices were mine,
I had to decide which way to go.
So I chose the one that seemed to be good,
It was the path where the trees didn't grow.

I started my journey on this clear little path,
It was a nice little journey to start,
And as I walked further along this clear path,
The two paths grew further apart.

I thought I was happy on this little path.
It made me feel independent and free.
But the further I walked down the path I was on,
The further your path parted from me.

And soon we were on two different life paths,
And they intertwined occasionally.
But again I'd move further down my little path,
And again you'd get further from me.

But God intervened, because He knew that He must,
He did something that had to be done,
He put up a road block on both of our paths
They halted and turned into one.


I wasn't quite sure to begin with,
I wasn't sure if it would work out,
But after a while I realized
With God you never should doubt.

Those months with you were the happiest I'd had,
Since I left from that path that you were on,
And slowly we started walking together again,
The road blocks that were put up were now gone.

And soon after the paths had combined,
Another fork in the road we had found,
And I chose to walk along the path next to you,
But I slipped and I fell to the ground.

I should have asked you to help me up,
But I wanted to let you see,
That I could do it all on my own,
I didn't need you carrying me.

So I told you to go on, I'd catch up in a bit,
And I brushed myself off from the fall,
And I tried catching up, but the further we got,
The harder it was to see you at all.

And soon enough I came to another
Point where I had to choose
So again I took the path with fewer trees,
What did I have to lose?

It didn't take long for me to see
That this wasn't the path I should take
And I know I don't want to be on this road
But I don't want to admit my mistake.

And I don't want you to worry about me,
I'm supposed to be on my own
I chose to be on this path by myself,
It's supposed to show you I've grown.

But all it has shown is unhappiness,
I wish I could be next to you
And hopefully since I've not been here long
My wish will turn out to come true.


But please, please, please realize
The choices I make in this life
Are choices that I made all by myself
Even the choices that may cause me strife

You did the best a mother can do
You taught me the things I should know
You gave me the basics of life that I needed
To help me make decisions to help me to grow.

So now I am at yet another fork,
I know this won't be the last
But this one I am trying a different course
A different one from the past

This one looks like it will be a lot more work
There are bushes and flowers and trees
And I'll have to work if I want to make it
To the glorious oceans and seas

And I hope when I get there you'll be waiting
And I hope I'll see your bright face
For yours is the brightness that moves me along
It's your smile that keeps me in the race.

So don't give up on me now
Keep cheering me on as I go
I'll have bumps and bruises and will fall many times
But please, please, please know…

These lives that we live are not easy
And I'm trying as best I know how
To keep standing up every time that I fall
Just don't give up on me now.

What He Didn't Do To Me
By Rebecca. December 2003.

Do you know the pain I've felt?
What it's like to lie awake scared?
Not knowing what—if anything—is behind that door?
Listen for footsteps above you on the floor?

Do you know what it's like?
To not know why you feel the way you do?
To have chunks of memory taken from your mind
Looking for answers you can't find?

Do you know what it's like to not know?
But somehow you know—how?
You were told things you should remember—forever.
But your memory is gone—severed.

Do you know what it's like to see him?
He thinks you know—do you really?
Do you know what it's like to hear him?
Why is he happy? He doesn't deserve to be.

Why can't you remember?
What memories lie inside?
Where is the truth?
Why did he lie?

He says he doesn't know
How can he not know?
He makes me blame it on my mother,
But really it's no other,
Than him!

He wants to work it out.
My daughter—I love her.
A father doesn't love his kids like that.
It's not right to do it—he doesn't even feel like crap.

His smug smile hurts me inside.
I want to cry when I hear his voice.
I want to tear my eyes out when I see his face.
He did this to me. He put me in this place.

I want out.
I don't want to stay in this prison inside.
I want to be free
Free to be me.
Free to see life doesn't have to be this way.
Not having to pray
That it won't end this way.
Knowing nothing more than what he didn't do to me

My biggest goal in this life has always been to be a mother. That's all I have ever wanted. I think every little girl, growing up, wants that. To have a baby in your arms. To see the innocence of a child. Knowing that what you do in your life will help shape that small little baby into the person it will one day become.

Over the past few years though, I have had this feeling. More than a feeling. It's like I know that I will never be able to have children. Something just tells me that I'll never give birth to a child. And I've always said i would adopt. But today it hit me.

In my patriarchal blessing, I am told I will be a mother of nations. And I realized today that maybe I was looking too deep into that statement before. Perhaps, all that means, is that I will be a mother to children from nations everywhere. Adopt around the world since I won't be able to have biological babies. Of course, none of this has been proven. I haven't gone to a doctor for tests or anything, but it was just a thought that came to my head. And while I would be completely okay with adopting children, and I would love those children as my own, a part of me still years to be able to have that baby that is a part of me.

I shouldn't even be thinking about these things. I'm not even close to marriage, and don't think that I will be close for some time. But these are just random thoughts that run through my head.

I try not to think too often, it hurts a lot.

I've been trying to come up with a blog topic for the last 45 minutes, and I can't think of one. I feel like blogging, but I can't come up with any ideas.

Anyone have ideas for me? I'll write when i wake up if there are ideas that I like.

My brother is one of my best friends. When we were younger, before grade 3, we were best friends. My mom likes to tell stories of us before we were in school. I had really bad speech problems, and he was the only one who could understand me. He was my translator.

As we got older though, things changed. He became the social butterfly, and I, well, I became the one who would sit at home alone. I almost resented him for being the one always going out with friends, but I just got out my books and read, waiting for him to come home and tell me about his night.

When we got to high school, I became friends with some of the girls in his "group". Suddenly I was the one going out and doing things. And not only doing things, but with HIS friends. He hated me for this. I remember one time waiting for my dad outside a donut shop, and my brother and I had it out infront of my mom. It was a pretty big fight.

As much as I disliked him growing up, I still loved him. He was still my big brother. He was my protection.

My brother was always the tiny, scrawny kid. This led him to be picked on, especially by my dad. One day my mom, dad (mom's 2nd husband), and brother were goofing around, and for some reason my brother got some spit on my dad's shoe. This led to my brother getting thrown across the room.

Things like that occured often. And then one day, seemingly over night, my brother grew.

Not only did he get tall (6'2"), he got big. He lifted weights, and become a pretty strong guy.

I don't know if my dad didn't realize how big my brother had gotten, or thought his petty little mind games would work on my brother still, but he still treated my brother like crap.

One drunken night, my dad pushed my mom down the stairs. My mom left, as always, after the fight. My dad went downstairs to where my brother was, and I don't know the specifics, but I guess words were exchanged. My dad threatened my brother, and my brother, in turn, threatened my dad. Without going into details of what the threat was, it scared my dad enough that he didn't lay a hand on any of us again until my brother went on his mission.

The year before my brothers mission is when we finally started becoming friends again. And while he was gone, I missed him more than I ever thought I could miss him. He came home in April of 2001. We had the summer together before we both went off to school again. That was an awesome summer.

We ended up going to Toronto and upstate New York to visit the area my brother served his mission. I really got to see a different side of my brother that summer.

It's funny, because my dad must have once again forgotten my brother was bigger than him. When we went to Utah to drop my brother off at school, we went to dinner at Olive Garden. We had all finished eating and were just sitting around visitng in the restaurant. My brother was playing with a left over breadstick, which pissed my dad off. Next thing we know, they're arguing in the middle of the restaurant. Or rather, my dad is arguing, and my brother is basically laughing at him. Finally, since my brother wouldn't fight back, my 5'6" dad says to 6'2" brother, "I'll punch you in the nose!!". To which my brother scoffed "I'd like to see you try that", then stood up.

My dad shut up pretty quick.

Over the past 6 years, my brother and I have only gotten closer. We go to eachother for advice, for laughs, to vent, for everything. He is truly one of my best friends, and I love him to pieces.

Which is why it is so hard for me to see him the way he is now.

My brother is an alcoholic. He knows he is. I wish there was something that I could do to help him, I just don't know what to say or do.

This weekend he lost a good friend because of his drinking. And I think he finally realized what a problem it is. Today is day 5 without a drink, and he's pretty much freaking out. He says his problem isn't so much the not drinking, it's that he wants to be with friends, but in order to be with friends, he "has" to drink.

He called me, in tears, on Friday night/Saturday morning. He told me he thinks he's just like our dad. I tried to tell him he's not like my dad. All he could see was that he is an alcoholic, and so was my dad. I tried to tell him he was NOT like him. That he is a better person than our dad. That by him calling me that night, pouring his heart out to me, proved he was a better man than our dad. He wouldn't believe it.

I just wish there was something I could do or say to him that would take all the hurt away. That would help him forget the things of the past. He is so messed up from growing up. He told me he can't even watch tv anymore without hearing a car run and thinking mom is in the garage again trying to kill herself.

I want to help him. But I don't know how.

So I will just be there for him. Be his little "sheeshdur". Listen to him when he needs me. That's all I can do, I suppose. He knows what he needs to do. I'll just be there to help him along the way. I just hope it's not too late for him to get better.

Page:  1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  Last >>