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A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari and took her faithful dachshund along for company.One day the dachshund starts chasing butterflies, and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a
leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dachshund thinks,"OK, now I'm in deep trouble!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly,"Boy! That was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard stops in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard, "That dachshund nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes...But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,"Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming, with the monkey on his back,
and thinks,"What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the
dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen
them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund
says,..."Where's that **** monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to
bring me another leopard!"

REMEMBER IF YOU CAN'T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE, BAFFLE THEM WITH
(something else) &*^%!

I just want to take a moment to be serious....
I want to remind everyone to say a prayer for those in the military, especially those overseas.
I know that prayers help....and I am staying on the positive side of things.
And as my yellow ribbon bleaches in the sun, it still sits there to remind me "prayers will be heard"

Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best!

Football FINALLY makes sense.......... A guy took his blonde girlfriend to
her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's
bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all
the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each
other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

I'm driving blindfolded here folks....have no clue what I am doing...but I am willing to learn.
Just wanted to have a hangout where we could have a few laughs and not tie up the forums with our nonsense. NOT SAYING we can not be clowns on the boards....everyone needs a chance to have fun once in awhile

1st off....I am unable to download the whatever it is I need to get into the chatroom. sooooo I don't have any clue who is what and where is why, or whatnot.
Sooooo if someone would be so kind as to just let me in on some of the nice things...I would be very appreciative.

2nd....I have made some great friends on this board...and will warn others of my protective nature right off the bat..... Mess with them....you mess with me...I will take it personal. Other than that.... I welcome posters of all ages and countries....this is not a sectarian blog

I was working in a food booth at a county fair last weekend, and I missed the PRCA rodeo (AGAIN!)
Well, the next morning...I'm cleaning up somethings in front of the booth, and this nice looking cowboy starts talking to me, as he stands waiting for his food, I am drawn into a conversation about the rodeo the night before.
I noticed the way he was standing..... feet spread, and in a stance like he had an invisible barrier between his thighs..... So, putting two and two together....I asked if he rode the night before.... big smile came on his face...and he said..."yes, I did...I quit ridin' 3 years ago, and last night about killed me", then he continued to tell me, "they needed an extra rider, and asked me if I would help them out....man I was hoping they would tell me it was a bronc that needed to be ridden, but no ....they needed a bull rider" I asked him if he drew a good bull or an ornery one...and he laughed and said that he had a live one for his ride. I asked who won him or the bull....he smiled again and said he did...that he made his time, but he was soooo sore from sitting on that bull...after 3 years he forgot what kind of pain was associated with bull riding. I asked him why he quit riding...and he smiled and said that his wife made him quit.
I asked what his wife thought about him riding last night. He gasped and said..."she don't know about me riding- she was home with the kids" and then proceeded to tell me that after his ride, he was escorted to the VIP area and was offered anything he wanted to drink....and he got .... well, he got drunk.
He said he was so sore he could hardly walk when he got home.....but she didn't know anything was wrong. I laughed at him, and said "you really think your wife is THAT stupid? If you were walking like you are standing now...I will guar-en-tee that she knows" .....he looked down at his stance, and how he was keeping his thighs from touching each other.....and gave me that "OMG, I'm a dead man" look, knowing that he was in worse shape the night before. Then he gave me that cute little sheepish grin that guys get when they have an idea mulling around in their head...."I'll think of something", he said, as he turned to waddle away.... I laughed and said "Good Luck". MEN gotta love em

I know that we have all heard and enjoyed Redneck jokes for years...but lets take a look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, county and most important.....God.
I don't think that being called a Redneck in spirit is a bad thing. Oh, of course we all can laugh at the beer cans, pickup truck and squirrel gun images that we think of, but if you think about it....the following things really aren't bad to be accused of doing.

You might be a Redneck if:

1. It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase,
"One nation, under God."

2. You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in
public places.

3. You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

4. You remove your hat and bow your head when anyone prays.

5. You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play our
National Anthem --- and men you have your hat in your hand. If you've
served in the military you stand at attention --- PROUDLY (with tears
in your eyes).

6. You treat Vietnam vets with great respect and always have.

7. You've never burned an American flag, but would kick someone's butt
that did.

8. You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no
matter who is listening.

9. You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

10. You'd give your last dollar to a friend.


Hopefully, we each have some Redneck in us after all
Ya'll know who ya're...

OK....so call me a Redneck....... I can take it!

I wrote this to send to a friend, but then thought that maybe others might enjoy some of my insights as well.

I wonder sometimes if we ever know the good that we leave in the wake of our lives.

Do we ever witness the good when we are so overcome by the tragic? Are we able to acknowledge the wonders that unfold around us?
Are we able to see the truth in the things that we find, or are we too blinded by the narrow focus we have been taught about many things throughout our life?

So many things we question in our lives- of ourselves, of others, of God. Where is the happiness we are to have? Why can't I understand that which I cannot comprehend? Where is that which I seek that I cannot find?

What a wonderful place it would be if we didn't have to utter a single question...a place where we can have the peace and happiness we all look for in our lives. Like the heaven I described to you when you needed to hear the words to focus on.

For in finding true happiness in life... it gratifies everything else we look for, and in finding such...we will fully realize the love our Heavenly Father had in mind for us.

And we will see the wonders that we leave in our wake, for I believe that each small ripple has a purpose. ````````````````````````````````````````````````

God Has Not Promised

God has not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives through;
God has not promised
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.

But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labor,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy
Undying love.

Author unknown

I said stupid things that hurt people that I care about very much. Sometimes my mouth opens and just doesn't shut in time. Same goes for my fingers... someone says something that sets me off and bam.....fingers start moving before brain starts thinking. I had so many witty things to say, but none of them seemed to make their way thru. I kick myself when I do things like that.... I hate not being able to give a hug and say I'm sorry. I have to learn to just keep quiet and let things go, I don't think that things were said the way I took them...which was badly.

I flipped someone off because I couldn't take a joke.... I just don''t do things like that....it's against charector for me.... And I feel bad

And I made someone else feel bad because of my lack of humor on a comment made that was intended to be funny. It just wasn't for me...and I handled it very badly.

I could blame it on a horrid case of PMS...and ask for a day's grace for being a witch, but I don't deserve that grace after my behavior.

I am sorry my friends

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