The Dark Woods

By LostSheep

Lost in the woods

I ramble about,

Wondering how

I'm gonna get out

The trees tower high,

obstructing my view.

The forest's thick branches

let little light through.

I've been here for years.

As I try to depart,

I feel these dark woods

corrupting my heart.

As I look for a way

to broaden my scope,

I see a climbable tree,

and my heart fills with hope

If I could just get

to the top of this tree,

I'd know where to go,

Then I could be free.

As I climb the tall tree,

I give it my best.

About half way up,

I stop there to rest

I cling to the trunk,

overcome with great fear.

Surely I'm better off lost

than up here.

As I descend to the ground,

I make a mistake.

The branch that I stand on,

I hear start to break.

With no time to react

I feel the branch give.

As I fall to the ground

I pray that I'll live.

I fall down ten feet

as I hit the hard dirt.

I lay there discouraged

Hopeless and hurt

In the dark woods

I continue to roam,

wondering to myself

if I'll ever get home

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I fall to the sand, too tired and thirsty to carry on. The scorching sun mercilessly beats down on my red, seared back. I scan the horizons of the vast, barren desert, spotting nothing but the rolling hills of dry sand. As I lay on the ground, I hear the noisy droning of desert insects, and the screeching of a buzzard, circling overhead.

“It's over...I give up.” I say to myself in a dry, raspy voice. At that moment, I notice something glimmering in the sunlight, just ten feet away. I gather my strength together, and make my way towards the shining, object. I realize to my excitement that the item is a canteen. I quickly pick it it up, feeling the weight of liquid inside. My heart fills with hope, as I quickly unscrew the lid. As I take off the cap, I spot a label on the side of the flask reading “Warning: Contains Toxic Chemicals DO NOT DRINK.”

“Toxic chemicals?” I ask myself suspiciously. I unscrew the lid off, and bring the opening of the container to my nose. “This is most likely just water.” I say to myself as I bring the canteen to my lips. I stop and reconsider. “What if it is poison?” I ask myself nervously. After a long moment of pondering my situation, I decide that a little bit of the liquid couldn't hurt me...could it? I take a small sip from the flask, and swallow.

“This tastes like water to me.” I think. I quickly drink down the rest of the liquid, not wasting a drop. Immediately, a sharp pain strikes my stomach. I fall to the ground, clutching my gut. Waves of nausea wash over me. I hear a loud rumble across the desert sky. My vision begins to fade to black, as I wallow in pain in the sand. As I feel my life slip away, the last thing I feel is cold raindrop hitting my sunburned back.

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I stare up in frustration at the tall, red post in front of me.  "I've been here before."  I think to myself, sitting down on the floor next to it, "This is the center of the maze.  All that work, and it leads me right back where I was.  I was almost certain I was going the right way."  I look around, seeing the same white, 12-foot walls, all around me.  I begin to wonder if this maze even has an exit.  As a lean the back of my head against the red post, I look up at it.  "Why do all paths seem to lead back to this stupid red post?"  I ask out loud.  I look at my watch impatiently.  "I'm running out of time.  There's no way I'm going to make it." I sit by the post, with nothing but negative thoughts in my head.  I begin to lose hope.  I grow angry, as I stand up and kick the base of the post.  It doesn't budge.  I look back at my watch, noticing the time I wasted.  As I take a deep breath, I turn to the right, and follow the path.  As I navigate my way through the plain, white hallways, my confidence begins to grow.  "I know I've never been this way before."  I think to myself. "I would have remembered this place"  As I continue my way through corridors, I hear voices on the outside of the maze.  They are very faint, but I can still hear them.  I can hear people laughing and singing.  I start to pick up my pace.  "I can still make it out of here."  I say to myself, looking at my watch. "I can't wait to join the others on the outside.  Oh, the joy I will feel...The relief!"  I run to the left, then to the right.  A dead end.  "No worries."  I say, and back track a little, taking the right instead.  I still can hear the joyful singing from outside the maze.  I pick up my pace to a run.  My heart quickly beats, anxious to find the exit.  I know I'm going the right way now.  unable to hold back my joy, I can't help but smile.  My heart fills with hope.  Tears of joy begin to stream down my cheeks as I run through the maze. "It's all going to end."  I nearly shout, unable to control my excitement. "That's the final turn before the exit!  I know it!"  I run down the final stretch.  I look at my watch, noticing I still have much time to spare.  I turn the corner, and stop.  The smile on my face vanishes instantly.  My heart sinks down my gut, and my legs cease to support my weight.  I fall to the floor...dazed...confused...unable to move or speak, as I sit on the cold floor, looking up at the tall, red post in front of me.

Tags: Maze Post Lost Sheep

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Dear Heavenly Father,

Please hear my prayer.  I'm not sure if writting this down is really quite the same as praying, but when I go to pray, I can never find the words.  Lord...why?  Why do I continue to make myself misserable?  Why do I break my promises.  Father, I know that you can't interfere with my free agency.  But if you can't help me, and I cant do this on my own, then what else is there?  Lord, please, help open my eyes to the truth.  Help my to be able to see once again. Help me to break these heavy chains of sin, that I may be free.  These sins dragging me down into the depths of hell.  Lord, why cam't I see that?  Why do I choose to be ignorant.  Why do I choose to forsake thee, and follow satan?  O lord, please have mercy on my soul.  I want to be happy.  I want my family to be happy.  I want my bishop to be happy.  I want my friends to be happy.  And I want you to be happy.  Lord, I know that if I can keep thine comandments, that I CAN be happy.  They why Lord do I throw myself down, knowing the concequinces?  Why do I give Satan everything that he asks?  I give into his temptations, and then I attack myself, causing me to feel like dirt.  I make myself think I'm worthless.  But Lord, I know I'm not worthless.  I am your son, and you are my Heavenly Father  I know that you love me.  But can I honestly say that I love you Lord?  If I loved you truly, would I not keep thine commandments?  Lord, I know that these trials are for mine own learning and growth.  I know that the choices I make are entirely up to me.  O Father, how I yearn to feel thy spirit.  I humbly give away my sins O Lord.  I know that the temptations will continue.  And I will long for these sins again.  Please, help me to remeber my covenants at those times.  Lord, make it that I may shake at the appearence of sin.  That I may have the strength cast out Satan from my presence.  Oh Heavenly Father, please bless me that I may have the spirit to be with me these next days.  That I may remember to be obidient, and use my time more wisely.  Please, help me to move away from the edge of hell, and get as far away as I can.  Lord, I'm so thankful for all the many blessings that thou hast bestowed upon me.  I'm so truely greatful for my friends and family that help me through my afflictions.  I am greatful for the restored gospel, and the members of the church that show such love and mercy towards me.  Please bless them.  I am greatful for the attonement.  Without it, I would be nothing.  Lord, I ask that ye may do these things according to thine will, not mine own.  These thing I ask, and pray humbly, in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, amen. 

Tags: Prayer

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Sorry to whoever is reading these posts.  I usually post a positive post, and then a negative one, and then a positive one, and so on...I'm all over the board...Here's where I'm at.  I want to serve a mission.  Really bad.  But if it's just not possible, than I don't want to even dwell on it.  I'll just go to school.  Is it possible for someone who has actually repented and forsook a serious sin to go on a mission, or not?  Or should I be more worried about my membership being revoked?  It breaks my heart to think that I blew my chances of going on a mission....but it would kill me if I lost my fellowship in the church.  Right now, I'm more sorry than I have ever been...But I fear that sorry is not enough anymore.  I'm willing to do ANYTHING at this point to be able to go on a mission...Anything to not get ex'd....Anything to repent...I just want one more chance.

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One week ago, I commited a sin that I am miserably ashamed of.  And as many of you know, I have an addiction.  But since last week, I have had no problem with my addiction.  (Not to jinx myself or anything)  It's almost as if Satan just left...I mean, that's cool with me and everything, but it doesn't make sence to me.  Is he too busy celebrating his victory to even care about me now?  Or is this a another trap?  In the 2 years I've been trying to overcome this addiction, this is the least resistance I've had.  I'm just confused. 

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Ok, now I'm scared again.  I just realized.  If I get excommunicated, or even disfellowshipped, my family and friends are going to want to know why.  And I really don't want to tell them.  I couldn't handle 2 years without the church.  I would literally lose it.  Maybe I should...not confess this to the bishop...yet.  If that sounds foolish, than fine, I'm a fool.  Forget the mission.  I just want my membership.  But I don't want to lie about this...Please, I need advice!

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Today i did not have the oppertunity to talk to my bishop as i had mentioned in my previous blog.  He was on vacation.  He will be next week as well.  When I woke up this morning, I expected that today would be misserable.  But instead, I felt at total peace.  I still do.  I feel like everything is going to be alright....somehow.  I'd like to thank anyone that prayed for me....I think it did something.

Here's my plan.  I figure I have 2 weeks from today until I see my bishop.  Sure, I could just mess up until then.  have fun while I can.  I mean, I have to confess this big thing anyway.  Whats a bunch of little things gonna do?  Or....I can do my best to not mess up, and maybe when  tell him "I'm sorry, I'm working to fix things, it will have a greater impact."  I'm not going to lie, or rationalize my sins.  I'm just going to try and make some improvements.  Maybe I wont get ex'd, but rather disfellowshipped instead.

Thank you for everything everybody.  I will not give up.   

LS 

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Last night I screwed up.  Big time.  I wish it could have been the same old sin.  But no...  Well....tomorrow is judgement day.  I get to confess to my bishop.  I seriously am expecting a punishment.  Disfellowshipment at best.  What I did, I don't expect a "Well just don't do it again."  I have completely abandoned the thought of going on a mission.  No.  I'm not being hard on myself.  It's not feesible.  People like me don't go on missions.  Maybe when I'm older.  I prayed outloud today for help....for anything.  I didn't get an answer.  I was planning on skipping church tomorrow, but now, I think I need to go.  Why am I writting this?  Dunno.  Maybe it will help me later on down the road.  Maybe I will realize how miserable I am.  I'm trying to fix this, but every time I do, I find myself in a deeper hole than when I started.  If anyone cares enough, please could you mention me in your prayers?  Thank you.

LS 

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