Okay I have decided that this past two weeks has been a learning experince...one that i was definlty not ready for my mom has been sick and this last weekend i was not sure that she was going to make it...she did and is doing better but now she talks about her last wishes and what she wants when she dies....(what she cant die she my mom she has to live forever what will i do without her) it has been REAlly hard for me to think of what things will be like for all of us when she passes and I am REALLy struggleing with this to say the least....SOMEONE HELP me before they have me commited

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WHY WHY WHY does he act like such an  *** when noone else is around or like he he just the greatest thing since sliced cheese....he is so fake it hurts to watch him talk to or be around other people.  The lies are getting to me...they have been for awhile now but I have FINALLY gone off he has pushed me to the point I feel like I am a CRAZY woman.  I tought I could trust him to watch his kids I went out for 3 hours THATS ALL (didn't think that was to long) I came home to find HIM passed out drunk on my couch and the 3 yr old running around the house unsupervised and the biggest messes I have ever seen..(wont get into the details of the house) Do I ask to much to be able to leave the house once in awhile with no kids and for him to stay sober enough to watch them.  WHY WHY WHY is that  so much to ask for all I wanted was a little time for me and its not like I went to the spa or anything I went to walmart to get groceries and school supplies ARRRRRRR.  If I cant trust him anymore than this how am I suppose to finish school...NO FAMILY HERE and NO FRIENDS FEELING VERY VERY ALONE these days.  

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I finally added some pics to my page....slowly my page will start to look good

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Well I have passed one more Module..now I am moving to my fourth one I am a little nervous anout this one for the last 3 I have had the same teacher and he and I have talked lots about things in my life that are going on (not that he understand personally) but he understands why i miss class or why I am a emotional wreak somedays... I want all of that to change but it is a slow process okay anyway a new teacher means change not something I like alot of.  I know "just suck it up already"  I am trying.  Maybe change wont be that bad?  maybe I will make some friends soon?  I have one but she is staying in the class I am leaving...OKAY sorry to whine I know I am 30 yrs old need to grow up and act like it.  PLEASE understand that these are my feelings and inscurities so this is really nothing more than a personal moment made public..maybe one of you have a peice of advice for how to overcome thes fears and tears ~Love and Hugs~ 

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I am not sure anymore why I thought going back to school would be a good idea for the most part things are fine.  Then you remeber that you are anywhere from 2 to 10 years older then the other people in there and some of these girls still act like they are still in high school...playing all the high school games you know the ones we'll talk bad about her and then if she has something we can use her for we will talk to her....I HATED High School because of this and now I am starting to hate collage too I am not suppose to feel like this am I.  I want to finsh school but how is that going to happen when I dont even like going anymore.  Sorry I guess I just need a place to vent and this is the only place I have so here it is.  

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