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I was reading the New Testament today, when something finally sunk into my mind. Every single, solitary person who has or ever will exist, has been bought and paid for by the Savior via the Atonement. If we but repent and obey His commandments, we will be set free from our bondage to sin. That's a pretty deep realization for a person like me. It is also very humbling. The most perfect person to have lived on this world loved every single one of us so much, so much that He offered Himself as a sacrifice to save us. These days, I can't read or hear about Gethsemane and the Crusifiction without my eyes tearing up. I can't stay angry anymore. I've realized that the target(s)/cause(s) of my anger are covered just as much by the Atonement as I am. They are a treasured son/daughter of God, just like I was taught I am. If He loves them so much, surely I can find something about the person/people to like. Now I'm starting to see why people start to cry while giving their testimony during Fast and Testimony meeting. 
Tags: Jesus Christ Atonement
I just got done watching several testimonies of the apostles on YouTube. The whole time, I felt what can only be described as a sunflower striving to follow the sun. It was a very peaceful feeling. There were points during someone of those testimones that I recalled something similar happening to me. I feel even more at peace with this gospel.
Tags: Testimonies Apostles
Ever have one of those days (or weeks, or months... or years) where you just felt so angry at every person you saw for no good reason? You keep focusing on how badly you've been hurt and you just want to keep everyone out and away so you don't get hurt again. But the worst thing is, it hurts even more because you are ALONE. Well, I've slipped back into that cycle and I really hate it. I've been struggling with it for most of my life and it hurts alot. Desprate for something to take my mind off that cycle and to prevent making myself feel worse, I cracked open my Bible to the New Testiment. I opened it up just for a distraction. I came out feeling spiritually fed. I have to preface this with that I don't read the Bible as often as I probably should. (I have yet to get past Exodus when setting out to read the Old Testiment. I've only fared slightly better with the New Testament. I find the OT very intimidating, confusing and more difficult to read than the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants. I also feel pretty dumb when I keep having to looking up so many words in the Bible because I don't know what they mean. I guess it is partially wounded pride, because my reading comprehension in modern English is pretty high, I consistantly score past the 95th percentile in reading tests.) With that said, I found myself opening to Luke chapter 6. Several verses felt like they jumped out and pulled the chain on the metaphorical light bulb that floats over my head. I'll just go ahead and quote them here. "35 But alove ye your enemies, and do good, and blend, hoping for nothing again; and your crewarddchildren of the Highest: for he is kind unto the eunthankful and shall be great, and ye shall be the to the evil.
"43 For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt afruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
44 For every tree is known by his own afruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. 45 A good man out of the good treasure of his aheart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the bheart his cmouth dspeaketh. 46 ΒΆ And why acall ye me, bLord, Lord, and cdo not the things which I say? 47 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and adoeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:"
What did I come away with from this? 1) I need to focus on trying my best to emulate Jesus. My reward will not come in this life, but the one to come. It is more than safe to say that His sufferings were far greater than my own. If I am to emulate Him, dwelling on my own hurts is NOT the best way to go about that. I may be suffering in the here and now, but it WILL NOT always be that way. (verses 35 and 36)
2) Actions speak louder than words. (verses 43, 44, 46 and 47)
3) What is in your heart will eventually come out of your mouth. I don't want hate and anger coming out of my mouth. Hate and anger have harmed me enough. I do not want to cause someone else to be hurt because of carelessness or maliciousness on my part. (verse 45)
The trend continues. When I open up the Scriptures when I'm feeling down, out, sad, angry or upset, I seem to open up to something I needed to hear. I feel a bit humbled. This has to be more than just a coincidence. If anything, it just further reinforces my belief that the Lord looks after each of us. Only someone who really cares about you would tell you about areas you need to improve in. In my opinion, people who sugar coat less than "happy" news are looking after their own well-being and not your own.
Well, those are my 2 bits. Any constructive comments are welcome.
**edit: I couldn't increase the font size of the Scripture quotes without borking up how they looked.  **
Tags: Scripture Study Bible Luke New Testament
I'm sick again. I can't sleep. Doing anymore homework or studying without a break will make me break down and have a temper tantrum, so I guess I'll blog til I feel less pent up. (Yes, I even study when I'm sick as dog. I'm somewhat strange that way.  )
I wanted to post this in a thread but I wasn't sure if it would derail it or not. I prefer to err on the side of being polite. The thread is basically about when you knew that the Book of Mormon is true. I'm still in the process of learning that. But I honestly believe it is of God. I believe that it is indeed a record of people and prophets who lived long ago. I believe it was perserved so that we could benefit from its contents in this era. I believe it is true.
Every night when I take the time and effort to read it carefully, I always seem to find another gem or pearl of wisdom, or I find a passage that seems as if it was put there for me to see because I needed to hear it at that moment in time. I've spent nights in grateful tears because of that. It's as if Father in Heaven is saying, "I hear you. You are not alone. I am watching over you." I've been reading the Book of Mormon since I was at least 7 years old, if not always diligently. I've read though the whole book at least 4 times, but likely more. But it seems that it speaks to me so much more now, even moreso than when I was a teenager and much more active than I have been lately. I'm something of a "tough old bird" who normally hates crying, but I've been feeling like I am fountain with how many tears I've shed. Most of them have been the happy or grateful kind. Perhaps, finally, I am sprouting a testimony of my very own. 
I was talking with my Mom today. I had mentioned something to the effect of, "I wish I looked more 'polished up' because I feel like I'm always frumpy no matter what I do. " She said, "Honey, I can wear a rag and look great. It's not about what you wear or what your cover your face with. It's about your confidence and your inner light, your heart." Wow. Moms really ARE the smartest people in the world!  As a side note, I am now pain free. The tests the doctor had me go through all came up negative. I am more than sure that the blessing made the pain that had hounded me for months finally dissapate. However, I seem to have caught a slight case of whooping cough. Pardon me whilst I put my lungs back into place... again. 
Well, I didn't chicken out. Today was ward confrence. It felt good to be able to raise my hand in sustaining president Monson. I headed home not too long after sacrament, due to my wanting to go home and rest. I'm still not 100% well yet. I did ask for and recieve a blessing. The bishopric was in meetings with people from the stake, so asking them was out. My hometeachers were nowhere to be found. I was about to give up when a family friend got the ward missionaries to help me. I felt very comforted as they gave the blessing. I feel a whole lot less scared now. 
What do you do if you know you are getting sicker (not the flu) and are too scared/shy/afraid to ask your bishop for a blessing and have absolutely NO clue who your home teachers are? (In fact, you haven't had home teachers in over a year.) Oh, and you don't live with any worthy priesthood holders, either. This isn't hypothetical. Doctor found something "off" and is sending me for tests. I am so darn scared and afraid and I hate feeling that way. At the same time, I don't want to bug the bishop because I'm afraid he'll think that it is just some less-active/inactive asking for help who will go into hiding again once that help has been given. The bishop lives about 45 minutes to an hour from town and I'd rather not bother him needlessly.
Deathly shy, afraid and sick is a rather rotten place to be, I can say that much. 
Feeling pretty dang good today. Instead of alternating fever and chills, racking coughs, dizziness, sweats, painful congestion and sinus headache, I just have the sensation that someone hit me between the eyes with a hammer. Compared with the past couple of days, I'm pretty darn happy "just" to feel like I was smacked between the eyes with a hammer!  I got so stir crazy that I went out for a bike ride, which always does me loads of good. I only got do maybe 1/3rd of what I usually ride, but it felt so darn nice to get OUT of the house! I live about 15 miles outside of town, so there's no quick walk to downtown to see what's going on for me. Just praire and wheat farms as far as the eye can see. Oh, and the Bears Paw Mtns. I'm still getting used to that. I prefer to live in town, near downtown is even better, so that I don't have to use the car all of the time. I hate to waste fuel what with how insane gas prices are! Just wanted to give an update to let people know that Death will have to get a rain check on getting me just yet. 
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