The kids are grown. No band concerts, track meets, wrestling matches, choirconcerts, voice lessons, or activities to shuttle them to and attend. Grand-kids are great, but how much time should you spend with them? Working part time at a small public library, but it leaves alot of open space on the calendar and guess what---no friends. I spent so much time on the kids, their activities, special medical and educational needs that well I didn't have time to make any. My husband and I have been married 22 years, but he works long hours at night.
I went through the whole empty nest depression. I am trying to loose weight and eat better. (Didn't have time for that either). Can't see to sew any more and tidious tasks frustrat me. There is alot of work to do on my house, but I can't do it alone and money is tight. Volunteer?? Hummm?? I asked for a calling and I got one at home on my computer. Not much chance of spending time with the sisters that way. My family doesn't live here (parents, sisters, ect..) Only one child spends alot of time with us and I am trying to encourage her to be more independant. I need something to do and I would love to do somethin on the internet part time, but there again I wouldn't meet anyone. I keep talking to my husband about opening our own business but we are chicken. I read a book the other day and in it the person was talking about the concept that the more we give to those in need, the more the Lord blesses us. OKAY---so where do I startwith that. I want to feel like I have made a difference when I die. That is part of the reason we aopted 4 children years ago. Right now--only the oldest is doing okay. I try to reach out to the others regularly, but they are still looking for themselves. What can I do with this half of my life that will free me from depression and anxiety, give me a purpose, and make me fill that I matter????
I have been on vacation this week. My husband is off too. We are just staying home to catch up on projects. I just don't feel like I have been able to get much accomplished. We have many remodeling projects to do, but I just can't get motivated. We have spent alot of time with our daughter and grand daughters. I guess I shouldn't be so disappointed, but I was hoping to do more. We still have the weekend so we will see.
Another day at work. Boredom sets in. I love my job, but I need some challenges. I really need to get deeply involved in something, but I can't decide what. I also know myself well enough to know that I like to be in charge or rather to take charge of things and I often over do. I have kinda been on reprieve since the children all left home and I am having a hard time finding a balance. Work is only 3 days a week. I have some sewing projects that I am starting to work on. I visit my daughter and her family on 2 days and run errands with her. I read alot! But service is on my mind and I am wondering where to start... I want to contribute-to matter--to say that the world was a better place because I was here. I just can't decide what it is and how much I want to be involved. Does this make sense? Sometimes I feel as if I am on auto pilot and need a new program....
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