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OK, this is my first attempt at blogging since this site changed over (if you don't count that testimony thingy!!)
Anyway, I feel bad that I can't get into the forums like I used to, but I just don't have the time that I used to have to spend up here, besides I gave this computer to my daughter and she is permanently attached...(she is asleep right now!)

First off...please bare with my atrocious spelling!!! I used to have a spell checker , but my daughter took it off the tool bar, ugh!!!! I MISS it!!!but do not know how to get it back!! I'm such a computer virgin!!!

I am also busy with my studies...I am auditing a Judaism course at Syracuse University...I plan on taking some credit courses in the fall. The Judaism thing is just for fun. I am also currently writing a book, (I have a good friend who is helping me with editing!!!) The manuscript is about an inch and a half thick right now, but we have still not decided on format and chapters...I am just writing what I remember and we will put it all together further down the line. As we work on it now....we keep changing and rearranging chapters....so, I am just writing as I am inspired...it will all come together later. It is a lot of work...both emotionally and physically!!!!

We have not decided if it will be fiction or nonfiction yet. I am writing about true events, but many of the people who are included in the book are still alive and they will not be presented in a good light. I am changing names and switching things around to keep anninimity. I have also picked out a "pen name" to use.

My Stake President has read some excerpts from it...He is a professor at SU (Syracuse University) He tells me to keep writing!!! So, you see...I will not be able to spend as much time up here as I would like, but I still love all you "nice people" and I plan to at least private message friends and answer them, and try to keep up this blog. (as if anybody actually reads these!!!)

Well, don't want to make this too long...or you WILL skip over!!!

Shalome Kol Tov!! (Peace, be well!!)
Yediyd

Tags: Just An Update

Our great course of progression began with our journey to this Earth
To overcome the tribulations that arise from our birth.
We were born on this rock with that objective in mind
To thus complete the plan that our father designed.
Every choice that we make, to the good or the bad,
is in direct correlation with the troubles we've had.
As I study my scriptures and cross reference this vein,
the concept of "agency" becomes more plain.
This rod of the Savior that I am reading today
Breaks down my confusion and shows me the way.

So, I looked up the words "agency","progression",then"plan"
to better understand the condition of man.
Then, in order to get a "God's eye view",
I checked out 2nd Nephi chapter two.
"Two 'Ne Two" speaks of our free will and the trials we'll face,
The necessity of those troubles and the doctrine of grace.
The veil clouds our memery, as these struggles burden our soul,
so God gave us His word to keep us focused on the goal.
God comforted Joseph Smith and He'll do so to you,
If you'll read what He said in D&C 122.

As I continued my search, I found verses aplenty
Like: 1 Peter 1:6&7,D&C 103:12, and Genesis 50 verse 20
I added these scriptures to this poem as a challenge to you-
Search them for yourselves then check out 2nd Corinthians 8 and verse 2
These are God's words and they will not return void;
If you hide them in your heart ,Satan's lies will be destroyed.
Remember that all of us struggle in our travails and our groans
But the brook would lose it's song if you took out all the stones.

Righteous living shines forth with celestial adorning,
The darkest hour is at midnight, but joy cometh in the morning.
You can find that in Psalms chapter 30 verse 5.
These words will give you comfort and your spirit revive.
The Lord is teaching me out of His Holy pages
To plant my feet on the Rock of ages.
I'm growing and learning each day that I look
Through the pages of that awesome and glorious book.
Yes, the veil over my eyes is getting thinner
For I know I will be home now...in time for dinner!!!!!

Author's note: I do not stand on shifting sand and fear the storm that rages...but calm and sure I stand secure upon the Rock of Ages!!!!! - Psalms 40:2

Well it's late...it's almost 3 in the morning, I finally dragged myself out of the forums. Man, they are addictive! I should go to bed, but insomnia is my constant companion. Besides, if I go to bed now...I'm afraid I won't get up to get my kids off to school in 3 hours. So, I thought I'd update this blog...Since most of it has been poetry...I thought maybe I should share a little of myself...

I had a very special blessing today...a friend of mine....someone who was very influential to me in the early days of my conversion to the LDS church, has been having trouble with her testimony...she has been battling depression...Boy, do I know how that feels! anyway...for the past several months she has locked herself away, I have been unable to talk to her, but have sent her messages of my love and continueing friendship.

I know she appreciated them, but was incompassitated by her depression...Then one day I read a book I bought for our book discussion group...all about recieving answers to prayers...the book was a special blessing to me...I couldn't put it down. After reading it I felt a strong impression from the lord to give it to my friend...

When I got to her house...there was no answer at the door...so, I put the book where I knew she would find it and went home.

I didn't hear from her for a few weeks after that...but then today...I got an e-mail from her. The e-mail reduced me to tears! She thanked me for the book and told me that the place that I highlighted in the book was JUST the answer she had been looking for from God! She took comfort from the book and is on her way up the hill and out of her valley!

I am so humbled and pleased that the Lord saw fit to use me to help a lady who had such a huge and positive influence on me in the beginning of my journey in this church. She is a beautiful person and I love her so much. I love the Lord and I love this church. Yes, I have had my struggles with the priesthood and my son...but when I get e-mails like the one I recieved today...I am comforted in the knowledge that God is still in control! And he was able to use me!!!! Who'da thunk it?

Well, just writing about my friend has put a smile on my face...Think I can go to bed now...

'night!

Six put this artical in a thread and it REALLY touched me!! I don't want it to get burried in the old threads so I feel the need to put it here...for myself as well as anybody else who takes the time to read these blogs!!!

Richard G. Scott, "Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse," Ensign, May 1992, 31

I speak from the depths of my heart to each one of you who have been scarred by the ugly sin of abuse, whether you are a member or nonmember of the Church. I would prefer a private setting to discuss this sensitive subject and ask that the Holy Spirit help us both that you may receive the relief of the Lord from the cruelty that has scarred your life.

Unless healed by the Lord, mental, physical, or sexual abuse can cause you serious, enduring consequences. As a victim you have experienced some of them. They include fear, depression, guilt, self-hatred, destruction of self-esteem, and alienation from normal human relationships. When aggravated by continued abuse, powerful emotions of rebellion, anger, and hatred are generated. These feelings often are focused against oneself, others, life itself, and even Heavenly Father. Frustrated efforts to fight back can degenerate into drug abuse, immorality, abandonment of home, and, tragically in extreme cases, suicide. Unless corrected, these feelings lead to despondent lives, discordant marriages, and even the transition from victim to abuser. One awful result is a deepening lack of trust in others which becomes a barrier to healing.

To be helped, you must understand some things about eternal law. Your abuse results from another's unrighteous attack on your freedom. Since all of Father in Heaven's children enjoy agency, there can be some who choose willfully to violate the commandments and harm you. Such acts temporarily restrict your freedom. In justice, and to compensate, the Lord has provided a way for you to overcome the destructive results of others' acts against your will. That relief comes by applying eternal truths with priesthood assistance.

Know that the wicked choice of others cannot completely destroy your agency unless you permit it. Their acts may cause pain, anguish, even physical harm, but they cannot destroy your eternal possibilities in this brief but crucial life on earth. You must understand that you are free to determine to overcome the harmful results of abuse. Your attitude can control the change for good in your life. It allows you to have the help the Lord intends you to receive. No one can take away your ultimate opportunities when you understand and live eternal law. The laws of your Heavenly Father and the atonement of the Lord have made it possible that you will not be robbed of the opportunities which come to the children of God.

You may feel threatened by one who is in a position of power or control over you. You may feel trapped and see no escape. Please believe that your Heavenly Father does not want you to be held captive by unrighteous influence, by threats of reprisal, or by fear of repercussion to the family member who abuses you. Trust that the Lord will lead you to a solution. Ask in faith, nothing doubting. (See James 1:6; Enos 1:15; Moro. 7:26; D&C 8:10; D&C 18:18.)

I solemnly testify that when another's acts of violence, perversion, or incest hurt you terribly, against your will, you are not responsible and you must not feel guilty. You may be left scarred by abuse, but those scars need not be permanent. In the eternal plan, in the Lord's timetable, those injuries can be made right as you do your part. Here is what you can do now.

Seek Help
If you are now or have in the past been abused, seek help now. Perhaps you distrust others and feel that there is no reliable help anywhere. Begin with your Eternal Father and his beloved Son, your Savior. Strive to comprehend their commandments and follow them. They will lead you to others who will strengthen and encourage you. There is available to you a priesthood leader, normally a bishop, at times a member of the stake presidency. They can build a bridge to greater understanding and healing. Joseph Smith taught: "A man can do nothing for himself unless God direct him in the right way; and the Priesthood is for that purpose." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 364.)

Talk to your bishop in confidence. His calling allows him to act as an instrument of the Lord in your behalf. He can provide a doctrinal foundation to guide you to recovery. An understanding and application of eternal law will provide the healing you require. He has the right to be inspired of the Lord in your behalf. He can use the priesthood to bless you.

Your bishop can help you identify trustworthy friends to support you. He will help you regain self-confidence and self-esteem to begin the process of renewal. When abuse is extreme, he can help you identify appropriate protection and professional treatment consistent with the teachings of the Savior.

Principles of Healing
These are some of the principles of healing you will come to understand more fully:

Recognize that you are a beloved child of your Heavenly Father. He loves you perfectly and can help you as no earthly parent, spouse, or devoted friend can. His Son gave his life so that by faith in him and obedience to his teachings you can be made whole. He is the consummate healer.

Gain trust in the love and compassion of your elder brother, Jesus Christ, by pondering the scriptures. As with the Nephites, he tells you, "I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy. … I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you." (3 Ne. 17:7–8.)

Healing best begins with your sincere prayer asking your Father in Heaven for help. That use of your agency allows divine intervention. When you permit it, the love of the Savior will soften your heart, break the cycle of abuse that can transform a victim into an aggressor. Adversity, even when caused willfully by others' unrestrained appetite, can be a source of growth when viewed from the perspective of eternal principle. (See D&C 122:7.)

The victim must do all in his or her power to stop the abuse. Most often, the victim is innocent because of being disabled by fear or the power or authority of the offender. At some point in time, however, the Lord may prompt a victim to recognize a degree of responsibility for abuse. Your priesthood leader will help assess your responsibility so that, if needed, it can be addressed. Otherwise the seeds of guilt will remain and sprout into bitter fruit. Yet no matter what degree of responsibility, from absolutely none to increasing consent, the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ can provide a complete cure. (See D&C 138:1–4.) Forgiveness can be obtained for all involved in abuse. (See A of F 1:3.) Then comes a restoration of self-respect, self-worth, and a renewal of life.

As a victim, do not waste effort in revenge or retribution against your aggressor. Focus on your responsibility to do what is in your power to correct. Leave the handling of the offender to civil and Church authorities. Whatever they do, eventually the guilty will face the Perfect Judge. Ultimately the unrepentant abuser will be punished by a just God. The purveyors of filth and harmful substances who knowingly incite others to acts of violence and depravation and those who promote a climate of permissiveness and corruption will be sentenced. Predators who victimize the innocent and justify their own corrupted life by enticing others to adopt their depraved ways will be held accountable. Of such the Master warned:

"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matt. 18:6.)

Understand that healing can take considerable time. Recovery generally comes in steps. It is accelerated when gratitude is expressed to the Lord for every degree of improvement noted.

Forgiveness
During prolonged recovery from massive surgery, a patient anticipates complete healing in patience, trusting in others' care. He does not always understand the importance of the treatment prescribed, but his obedience speeds recovery. So it is with you struggling to heal the scars of abuse. Forgiveness, for example, can be hard to understand, even more difficult to give. Begin by withholding judgment. You don't know what abusers may have suffered as victims when innocent. The way to repentance must be kept open for them. Leave the handling of aggressors to others. As you experience an easing of your own pain, full forgiveness will come more easily.

You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive. (see D&C 64:10.) Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord.

The Master counseled, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you." (3 Ne. 12:44; italics added.)

Bitterness and hatred are harmful. They produce much that is destructive. They postpone the relief and healing you yearn for. Through rationalization and self-pity, they can transform a victim into an abuser. Let God be the judge—you cannot do it as well as he can.

To be counseled to just forget abuse is not helpful. You need to understand the principles which will bring healing. I repeat, most often that comes through an understanding priesthood leader who has inspiration and the power of the priesthood to bless you.

Caution
I caution you not to participate in two improper therapeutic practices that may cause you more harm than good. They are: Excessive probing into every minute detail of your past experiences, particularly when this involves penetrating dialogue in group discussion; and blaming the abuser for every difficulty in your life.

While some discovery is vital to the healing process, the almost morbid probing into details of past acts, long buried and mercifully forgotten, can be shattering. There is no need to pick at healing wounds to open them and cause them to fester. The Lord and his teachings can help you without destroying self-respect.

There is another danger. Detailed leading questions that probe your past may unwittingly trigger thoughts that are more imagination or fantasy than reality. They could lead to condemnation of another for acts that were not committed. While likely few in number, I know of cases where such therapy has caused great injustice to the innocent from unwittingly stimulated accusations that were later proven false. Memory, particularly adult memory of childhood experiences, is fallible. Remember, false accusation is also a sin.

Stated more simply, if someone intentionally poured a bucket of filth on your carpet, would you invite the neighbors to determine each ingredient that contributed to the ugly stain? Of course not. With the help of an expert, you would privately restore its cleanliness.

Likewise, the repair of damage inflicted by abuse should be done privately, confidentially, with a trusted priesthood leader and, where needed, the qualified professional he recommends. There must be sufficient discussion of the general nature of abuse to allow you to be given appropriate counsel and to prevent the aggressor from committing more violence. Then, with the help of the Lord, bury the past.

I humbly testify that what I have told you is true. It is based upon eternal principles I have seen the Lord use to give a fulness of life to those scarred by wicked abuse.

If you feel there is only a thin thread of hope, believe me, it is not a thread. It can be the unbreakable connecting link to the Lord which puts a life preserver around you. He will heal you as you cease to fear and place your trust in him by striving to live his teachings.

Please, don't suffer more. Ask now for the Lord to help you. (See Morm. 9:27; Moro. 7:26, 33.) Decide now to talk to your bishop. Don't view all that you experience in life through lenses darkened by the scars of abuse. There is so much in life that is beautiful. Open the windows of your heart and let the love of the Savior in. And should ugly thoughts of past abuse come back, remember his love and his healing power. Your depression will be converted to peace and assurance. You will close an ugly chapter and open volumes of happiness.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Do you all remember when the Prophet admonished us all to read the Book of Mormon through by the end of the year? At our ward, my Bishop asked us to come up with creative ways to show how excepting this challenge blessed our lives...we then had a special night to look at and enjoy everybody's displays that they came up with. Some did clay sculptures, some wrote poems, others put on skits...it was a GREAT night of fun and fellowship! Here is my contribution...

No Ripple in The Glass...
(a lesson learned from the Book of Mormon)

When I saw the poster, charging us to come up with creative ways to express what blessings we received through accepting the challenge of President Hinckley to read through the Book of Mormon, I; (of course) immediately thought about writing a poem...and maybe someday, I will, but you know...as I sat and pondered about what blessings I DID receive by accepting the Prophet's challenge, I decided to just pick up my pen and write down what the Lord has placed upon my heart.

Have you ever wondered why water is the most abundant and important element on this Earth? It's because water is the life giving element that no living thing can be without. In (Genesis 1:1), the Bible STARTS OUT by telling us that darkness was upon the face of the waters. Before there even WAS an Earth, there was water, and darkness was upon that water.
Darkness is a picture of ignorance. We call the great apostasy, the dark ages, because there was among other things, a lack of knowledge and spiritual light. Then, in (John 1:1), the Bible tells us that Jesus is the word of G-d and that he has been with G-d from the very beginning.
Jesus is also called living water. He told the woman at the well that if she drank from that Earthly well, she would thirst again, but if she drank from the fountain of living waters (the word of G-d) she would never thirst again.

Think about that for a minuet...

Jesus IS the word of G-d and he calls himself the living water. As I stated before, water is the first and foremost element on this Earth.
Is it any wonder that G-d chose to call his word, water? Or that he tells us to make it our first priority?
Our bodies can't live without water and our SOULS can't live without Jesus Christ.

Have you ever looked in wonder at the pristine beauty of a clear, blue mountain lake? On a quiet, windless day, the lake looks as though it was made of glass. It reflects the images all around it. When you lean quietly, gently over...without disturbing the water...you can clearly see your own face looking back at yourself. Then, what happens when you throw a pebble at that image?

Isn't THAT exactly what man has done to the word of G-d from the very beginning?

G-d's word is a perfect reflection of truth. If we look into the untroubled waters of God's word, it will reflect back to us, untouchable truth.
The Bible also teaches us that G-d's word is a light unto our feet (Psalms 119:10) if darkness is a picture of ignorance, than light is the opposite. The Bible goes on to tell us that man loves darkness rather than light because his deeds are evil. Because of the truth of our fallen nature, man would rather be in the dark than be shown the truth about his sin, thus...he has been throwing pebbles into the fountain of living water from the very beginning. G-d gave us his word; we don't like what it exposes about our hearts, so we ripple the pond with our OWN ideas.

This is what man has done with our beloved Bible. There is NO QUESTION that it is the word of G-d, a fountain of living water, but it is a fountain of rippled, flowing water. Our Bible has been handed down through the ages from one source to another; the Book of Mormon teaches us that many of the plain and precious truths have been removed from the Bible because imperfect men have handled it. Many of these men were not even prophets of G-d.

Which brings me to the point of this essay...the Prophet, OUR prophet...Gordon B. Hinckley has challenged us to read the Book of Mormon.
What will that do for us, you ask?

IT WILL SMOOTH OUT THE RIPPLES! THAT'S WHAT!!!

The Book of Mormon came to us through the writings of many men. Men who were directly inspired by G-d, just as the Bible did...however, ONE man translated the Book of Mormon. One man, called of G-d, through the power of G-d. He put to pen, the unsullied truth of the water of life. When I read my beloved Bible, I drink from a rippled, flowing fountain of living water that truly DOES quench my soul, but when I read my Book of Mormon...THAT WATER TURNS TO GLASS!!!!!!! A solid mirror of life, unchangeable, un-rippled, a perfect reflection of God's truth!

My Book of Mormon is the mirror that G-d gave me to look into. I see the truth of and in my soul and the darkness that is within my heart has no power to ripple that truth! PRAISE GOD!!!!

THAT, my friend...is the lesson I learned and the blessing I received from accepting the challenge of the Prophet.
Yediyd

You know the stories, you've heard them told.
Those great old stories of the prophets of old.
I've heard them too, and many times said
but I often wonder, how many have read...
those stories themselves and know them all the way through?
because the details commonly accepted sometimes are not true,
like the story of Noah and the deluge from the Heavens-
the animals went in...not only by two's...but also by sevens!

In every depiction, many just except what they see.
And how many wise men? Do you suppose three?
There were three gifts...gold, frankincense, and myrrh...
but the number of wise men is only a blur.
Who was there that night to witness the greatest gift to this Earth?
Only the shepherds, a step-father, and the one who gave birth.

So, when you hear a story from those great old books...
sit down and make time to take a closer look.
Read the story yourself, ask the Holy Spirit to tell you the truth.
Then you can dispel some of those myths that you've heard from your youth!

As I looked out at the rain one gray, soggy day...
I bowed my head and started to pray...

"Father, where are you; Oh why can' t I see...
through the veil at your face as you watch over me!
I want to be close to you and know that you're near.
even though I lack faith and wrestle with fear.
I know that you love me, and I know that you care
but this journey is filled with such pain and despair...
that I often lose focus, then your plan I can't see
I get my eyes on the "world" and lose sight of the tree.
I stumble and slip and let go of the rod.
I forget to give thanks to my savior and G-d.
As the vapors engulf me and the light starts to fade...
The Holy Spirit reminds me of the price that you paid.
If it wasn't for Jesus or Adam's decision to fall,
I'd have no life to thank you for, raindrops and all.

So Father, I come before you with so much to say...
So much to be thankful for, on this blustery day.
Thank you for trials and trouble and pain...
Thank you for the freshness, after the rain.
Thank you for the clouds that block the sun's ray...
Thank you for your Spirit who reminds me to pray.
Thank you for the hills that I struggle to climb...
they mold me and strengthen me, and prepare me in time...
to fight off temptation and give me the grace...
to see through Satan's lies by the light of your face.
Thank you for a prophet in these latter days...
Thank you for this church and the change in my ways.
I know it was you who brought me thus far...
I know my Lord Jesus has my tears in his jar.
In the name of my savior, I most humbly pray...
Thank you, Heavenly Father for this gray, soggy day!"

Author's note: He does have your tears in a jar!!! (Psalms 56:8)

.
As I close the pages of my "brand new" quad
I sit and I ponder the blessings of G-d.
He's brought me so far in this past year,
The mist and the fog are starting to clear.
I'm grasping the rod with all of my might.
The path is rocky, but the tree is in sight.
I know the people in that building over there
Are laughing on the outside, but are filled with despair.
They only "pretend" to be happy and gay.
It's my duty now, to show them the way.

Words are just vapors that vanish like the colors at night,
But my actions are solid and as visible as light.
They will be watching, this I know to be true,
Picking apart everything that I do.
I'm an ambassador for Christ as I cling to this rod,
I've taken on the name of the Almighty G-d!
He's watching too, and He's counting on me.
There are so many souls that long to be free.
They are all mired in the mud of Satan's deceit,
He is the foe that I must defeat.

This race that I'm running began one night
As I sat and I stared at the flickering light,
I saw a commercial and longed to know more.
In short order two missionaries knocked at my door.
They pulled me up out of the miry clay
and set my feet on a rock that day.
So when I see a building with a foundation of air,
I'll stand squarely on my Rock and His name I'll declare!

We all came to mortality with one desire:
To conquer temtation and the Satanic mire
So I must look past the mocking and jeer,
I must be bold and mortify my fear.
This gift of the truth that I have been given
was not ment to be buried or saved for Heaven.
We all start "fresh" at the beginning of a race,
The easy part is accepting the gift of G-d's grace.

But remember the story of the tortoise who won-
the rabbit was fastest when the race had begun.
But his great flaw was in this point that he missed:
"Victory only comes to those who persist."
I didn't pull this idea just "out of the blue",
Paul spoke of this race, and he finished it, too!
So never forget when you think you're too tired-
To whom much is given, much is required.

Author's note: I dedicate this poem with gratitude and love to the very special people who guided me to the truth that inspired it...the missionaries.

The Mortal Test

A spirit I was, a mortal to be...
The father came and spoke to me.
You've kept, my child, your first estate
and now it's time to delegate...
A mother to give you mortal birth
a body and a place on Earth.
I know you'd like your mother, "kind"
but I have something else in mind.

You see, my child, it's easy to be
in a holy family that pleases me.
What's not so easy and takes more grit
is to be placed with parents that are unfit.
A childhood filled with fear and unrest,
you must endure and pass the test.
As you struggle through confusion and pain
Your efforts to find me again will not be in vain.

I love you and I'll guide you back
if you will withstand Satan's attack.
Your progression greatly will be multiplied
and I'll be there waiting on the other side...
with rewards beyond you wildest dream
because you took the path extreme.
The Earth will be your proving ground
but Heaven is where you will be crowned.
You will receive rewards so sweet,
just toss them all at Jesus' feet.

You will then be allowed to look upon my face
and once again receive your heavenly mother's embrace.
I know you can do this, I have no doubt
because you're a spirit Divine and devout.
I've planned this life and task to do
because I have great confidence in you.

(1 Corinthians 10:13)
I know God won't give me anything that I can't handle...
I just wish He didn't trust me so much!!!!!

My Testimony

I was inspired to write this poem during our Stake Conference in November of 2004. I had been reading LDS poetry from a book that I had borrowed from the church library and I had this feeling of frustration that all the LDS poetry that I had read so far kept painting this "rosy" picture of happy childhoods and "goodly" parents and how the heroin's had to find their own testimonies. I thought to myself, why doesn't anybody write about not being born into this church, yet finding their testimony? I was thinking these thoughts while listening to Conference when the Lord whispered into my heart..."Why don't YOU write that poem?" I wrote it that night after Conference.

My childhood was not pretty. I was raised in several "homes" and foster homes. Both my parents were alcoholics...in fact, they met at an AA meeting! Both of them had several failed marriages and relationships which resulted in various children. I have siblings, step-siblings and half-siblings, some of whom I've never met, even to this day. Others I was raised with on and off at different times and various circumstances. To say the least...it was a confusing, chaotic, and unstable childhood. Through all the chaos and confusion, there was one consistent thing in my life- that was the AV 1611 King James version of the Holy Bible.

My father, (believe it or not) was a southern Baptist preacher! He would preach about the love of Christ and the peace which passeth all understanding, but my father never knew peace, nor did he have a clue about the meaning of the word "love." (I struggle with the meaning of it myself) As my siblings all turned to drugs, alcohol, sex or insanity as an escape from the torment of our lives, I turned to the Bible. I started memorizing it at an early age. By the time I was 16 years old, I was carrying my Bible with me to school every day and quoting whole chapters. When I was 26 years old, I quoted the first 14 chapters of Matthew on a TV show called,"The Parade Of Miracles". It was broadcast from a church called The People's Baptist Church in Corpus Christi, Texas.

I didn't know Christ or His love, but I wanted to know him. I longed to know him. As I poured over my scriptures, I found reference to Christ in every chapter I could from both the Old and the New Testaments. I wrote poems, read books (many books),about Christ, New Testament times and Old Testament times. As I matured into adulthood, I started "church hopping", checking out many different churches and religions, each one claiming to have the only truth. Each one claimed that they were the the true church, and with each new church, I came away feeling empty. Finally, after my marriage failed and I started raising my two children alone, I decided to give up on church altogether. Although I could quote scripture better than most preachers I knew, I still lacked an understanding of who Christ was. I knew about him, but I didn't know him. My problem was 18 inches long. There are 18 inches between your head and your heart. I had Christ's words in my head, but they had not reached my heart. If I missed Heaven...it was going to be by 18 inches!

Then, one night I happened to see a commercial for a free Book of Mormon, another Testament of Jesus Christ. Wow! It had never occurred to me that the Book of Mormon was a "Testament of Jesus Christ." I had the Old Testament and the New Testament, what was this? A third Testament? I had never heard of such a thing! Maybe that was the missing piece! I grabbed my phone and dialed the number! When the person on the other end asked if I would like someone to visit me, as well as receive my free copy of the Book of Mormon, I said," yes!" I had my first visit in February 2004. God bless those missionaries! I sure gave them a run for their money! I knew we were in the "last days", and the the Bible says,"Yea, let God be true, but every man a liar" (Romans 3:4). I did not trust them; I knew many false prophets would arise in the last days, but I gave them my word that I would not make any decisions until I had read the Book of Mormon.

A funny thing happened as I started reading the Book of Mormon-I recognized my beloved Bible on every page! It didn't start in First Nephi,either...it started with the introduction to the Book of Mormon and then the testimonies of the witnesses. I recognized God's numbers, His "set" way of organization; I started pulling out God's numbers-3,8,12-from the very first pages and I knew that this book was lining up with my Bible. As I read on, I decided that the Book of Mormon was either written by God or by Satan, but it could not have been written by any man! The wisdom was too deep. It lined up too well with the Bible, on so many levels. I knew that it was just not possible for man to have written this book. As I realized this, at first, I feared in my heart that the Book of Mormon was a counterfeit. Was this the strong delusion sent by Satan in the last days that my Bible had warned me about? Were these missionaries the false prophets that I knew would arise in the last days? I was sure in my heart that the Book of Mormon was a supernatural book, but to which end? I also knew that "ol' smutty face" was a master of imitation and forgery. If anybody could make a "copy" of the Bible, yet twist it, he could! But the missionaries kept telling me to pray about it, and ask God if it was the truth. Satan wouldn't advise me to ask God about anything! The Bible says in Isaiah 55:11 that God's word will not return void and it didn't. I had not memorized all that scripture for naught.

There was only one conclusion I could make about the Book of Mormon. My Bible came back to me and testified to me as I read each page of the Book of Mormon. The Holy Spirit was there too, and so were the missionaries...patiently putting up with my endless questions. I swam through a sea of confusion, but God knew my heart and he guided me back to him. Praise God!!! I've finally found the true church of Jesus Christ, and I can testify from my very soul that the Book of Mormon is the truth. It changed my life and it is the final piece to the puzzle of my life. The pieces have come together and I finally have the whole truth. I finally know Christ...REALLY know him, and I have felt his love for REAL this time. I'm home...at last!!!

Yediyd.....a Hebrew word. It means: beloved friend.

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