Things are getting better and worse at the same time which I know is a really silly thing to say and makes no sense.
I finally felt at the weekend that I was making some real progress again. Actually WANTING to read the scriptures, praying, and making a huge effort to read and watch good stuff (including April's conference).
But you see as part of that I've been getting in touch with various people, including two people who I needed to apologise to, and one who is a member of my bishopric. And yes I know it's August and I know people are away on summer vacation, unfortunately none of them have replied and it's making me feel really down.
I've had the same thoughts going through my head about 'well maybe it would be better for people in my ward if I simply stay away, rather than being a drain on their resources or time, they wouldn't be bothered anyway" etc. I know I was feeling like that a few months ago and it didn't really get me very far at all. I know that those feelings are from Satan, I know that's what he wants me to think. After all going to Church on a Sunday is about going for the Lord, not for any other reason. It's not easy though you know?
Thank you for your prayers and messages which I am most grateful for. It would appear I'm getting more help from Saints outside of my own country than Saints in my own ward. Hey ho.
The one thing that this is making me realise though is just how bad so many of us are in my home ward. When a new face arrives, we don't ever seem to heed President Hinckley's words about new members needing a friend (calling and nourishment), I know I'll be trying harder in future. Or at least I hope I will.
Tags: Church Court Confusion Satan Hostility Help Thanks