New beginnings every day.  I looked out the window this morning and all is still and quiet for once. Oddly not many people are stirring in town just yet.  It is still pretty early though.  I keep running into walls it seems lately in the sense of life just keeps redirecting me, and I am not sure what is going on, or where it is leading me yet.  Sometimes the path can get a bit confusing.  I am trying to decide whether to move back to Gooding, or find a new place in Twin falls.  Either way, I want out of this basement.  I need light and fresh air.  I am too much of a summer person to be in the dark, lol.  I keep looking at options, and keep thinking maybe I need to stay here in Twin for a bit.  There are both good and bad things both directions, but it seems this is going to be the better area for a little while.  I am waiting for the Temple to open too.   I really want to be there for the grand opening.  There is just way too much going on lately too.  My ex keeps leaving me appology messages and asking to get back together again, but there is no way in the world I would ever do that after what he did.  The guy stepped across the wrong lines, and he knows it, in such a way to make a relationship absolutely impossible. 

Life can throw some wild swings sometimes too. My friend just got married this fourth of July to someone she met on this site, lol.  I am glad for her, as this is a wonderful second chance in life.  I hope things go well for her too. 

I decided that it is time to rejoin the dating life again.  It has been three long years since I have dated anyone or even really gone out.  I think it is time and well again to start over and open the doors again.  I for a long time have not even dated anyone, but I realized that the good lord would not want me to be single and alone forever.  He would want me to give life a second chance, and that is what I am doing.  It is time to clear out the garbage and start over new.  What is past is past, it is time to let it go and try to fly once again.  This time I know the spots to avoid, the signs to watch out for, and know that my heart is a lot stronger and wiser than it used to be. 

I spent three years trying to understand the pain and suffering I had been through from the ex's I had been around, both boyfriend and marriages.  I came to figure out that a lot of it was just that I had no clue what I was getting into with any of them at the time.  No one had taken the time to sit down and talk to me about relationships, what they were like, what they should be like, or even what to watch out for.  A lot of it was my fault too for not being smart enough at the time to know that just because someone is giving you lots of attention, does not mean that they truly love you.  I also learned the hard way that sometimes peoples dark secrets and problems from before a relationship can sometimes really wreck a good one.  It pays to be open and honest when you are really getting to know someone.  My ex hid from me for a long time that he was a pedophile.  I was heartbroke when I found out by accidently opening up one of his links to find child porn.  I left him over that.  Another ex was cheating on me, and had drug problems that I found out about the hard way.  I have had to learn how to trust all over again, and it has not been easy. 

I have had some very good friends in life.  Some from the good side of town, some from the rougher side, but that have lived life enough to know when to sit someone down and talk to them.  Sometimes the good lord works in mysterious ways.  The best advice I ever got was from a gal I talked to years ago, and can not longer remember her name, who was on meth, was pregnant by an unknown father, and was once lds and coming back to the church.  She said that she knew she was doing wrong, and that she would pay a price for it, and she was going through the programs to get off meth. But she said that she had realized that there is always second chances, and that every person in life, even if they fall into the worst gutter can always come back out if they know the right path to take. She said her biggest wake up call was finding out that she was going to have a baby. It is never easy, it is often painful, but it is so worth the effort and the light at the end when you do get out. 

I never knew what happened to her, but I hope she made it.  I know I can have that kind of strength too if I keep at life, and keep trying to do and say the right things myself.  I never did drugs or alcohol, and never will, yet I want things to go the right directions in life.  I watched a brother go through the drugs though, and do some horrible things while he was on those.  I pray constantly for his spirit to find the right path in life, and think he finally is out of that stuff, but you never can be sure.  Dark paths can hit anyone, and everyone has hidden closets, secrets that they do not want to get out and problems.  When it comes down to it, there will be others who do understand and know what it is like to walk through those times and paths.  I know.  I have been through fire, flood, tornado, earthquake, murder of friends, death of family members, car wrecks, health problems, and even lost my family temporarily to divorce, but I will never give up hope and faith that God will provide a way for me if I keep at it. 

I have seen drug abuse by people I have known and loved, and cried for their sake.  I have been through rape by someone I thought I cared about at the time, and was badly mistaken about their integrity and honor.  I have been through one ex that tried to murder me, because he was on drugs and alcohol at the time and I did not know it until I came home and he almost strangled and stabbed me.  It was the grace of the good lord that put the words in my mouth to let me escape.  I was in blackfoot when the teton dam broke and was there at three with the clean up crews.  I was in missouri when it flooded there, and in Fort Collins Colorado when the floods went through that town.  I watched people pull through things that you would not think that people could bounce back from, and still manage to keep the faith and hope alive in their hearts.  I know that God has kept me here for some good reason and purpose.  If I were meant to go, he could have taken me a thousand times over.  But there is a purpose and plan in everything.  I know it sounds unbeleivable that someone could go through all this and still survive it and stay sane, but it is true.  I have lived through and seen some pretty crazy things in life.  There will come a day when these things will be lost in the dust of time too, but I will always remember the strength and the miracles that came from the strength, courage and love of the people who have passed through these things. 

I am but a voice of a child echoing in the darkness, but I am always working my way past the obsticals to someday find the light, the true light and the way back home to heaven.  I will always hold that prayer in my heart, that hope for better things, and that faith, that someday God will provide the way and the means to have back what I have lost.  The good lord knows what I have born, and what I have endured.  He knows the suffereing of my heart every time I have to listen to my children scream and cry.  He knows the ache of loss, the grief I have born.  He knows the joys I have seen in life too, and the good things that help to keep me going.

Do I find joy in life?  Yes, every time I see a child learn something new, every time the sun rises, the stars come out, the people find miracles and bear their testimonies.  Yes every time someone makes it to the temple, finds true love and is sealed forever, every time a child is baptized, every time my friends overcome their trials.  I find joy when I see people make it, bless their children, help others, do missionary work.  I find joy when things are set to the standards God would have them be in movies, music, life in general.  I find joy where the light is, where the true spirit of Christ resides. 

I know that my redeemor lives, I know what the true meaning of faith is, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is very real light and truth out there to be had.  God knows the suffering of the heart, he knows the spirit within, what we think, what we feel and what we endure.  He knows without a doubt exactly every stripe we have ever born in life, arnd every time we have helped to heal a wound, or lift the tired and weary.  He knows, and he loves us.  He will never abandon a soul, and will always strive to try to help them come home.  Anyone can turn their back on the Lord, but he will never turn his back on us or close the door so long as we are trying our best.  He truly does love us.  The greatest sacrifice that every could be, or ever might be came by the hand of Jesus Christ.  The pain of Gethsemane was unimaginable, and to think that my sins of life had a hand in an ounce of that pain is horrible, yet his love is great enough to forgive us of the wrongs we have done in life.  He died on Calgary, that we might have that chance.  What greater love is this, than that he lay down his life and endure the torments of the purest hell that we might live again free from sin in his sight. 

I love the savior, I know he is there, and I know what he has done for me.  I know that my children and grandchildren will someday chance to meet the spirit within the faith, and it is my sincere prayer that they will find the love of the gospel like I have.  Faith is sometimes all you have left in life, and when the darkness is all around and all you can see, there is always that one little light, that pure hope and love in Christ that will help you get through.  Just get on your knees and pray. Talk to him, he hears you and knows what you are going through, he just waits for you to ask.  Best of blessings and I pray that you all have a wonderful week.

Maraleh

Tags: Faith Hope Endurance Christ Atonement Suffering Light Darkness Atonement Lo