I just wanted to give a nod to an experience that intertwines all of the efforts I have ever made as a single mother (even when I was married I was more or less single), and this session of attending university is no different.

That is, finding babysitters.

I hate that.  Trying to balance how much I can afford, versus finding a person who will really love my children, versus scheduling, calling on the phone, humbly/humiliatingly having to ask for help, knowing people in the ward and my family say "yes" to help me but they don't really want to do it.

My youngest is potty training and it's not going so well.  I don't feel good about leaving that job to another woman, but what can I do?  I can quit school.  That's what I can do.  Yeah.  I don't know.  I probably should.

My mother is actually coming to live with us so she can take care of the children.  Thank you, Mom!!  But she hasn't arrived yet.  She's trying to finish up her own Master's Thesis.  So I have a few weeks here of finding babysitters.  I have been asking around if there is someone who wants to let me pay them.  My family won't let me pay them, but I still can't ask them to do it very often.  It's just all very frustrating all the psychological and practical details that I have to juggle and balance.

Luckily, when it comes time and I've prayed and I've gotten someone to help and get the two little boys' lunch packed (the bigger kids are in school, and are, well, bigger) -- on that day, at least, all I have to do is look at the little boys and say, "Guess where you get to play today?"  They say, "Yaaay!!"

Tags: College Motherhood Womanhood