Originally posted 1/25/09

The story thus far… For those of you who haven’t read by previous blog post “My beginnings”, or the Forum threads that started this all, I’m not a member of the LDS or any other church.  I’m investigating the church with great skepticism from my family due to some strange draw I seem to have to Utah, the people of the Church I have known over the years, plain old curiosity, and a stirring I seem to have – a sense of hope and wonder that I experience when reading the Book of Mormon, the histories of the Church, and the story of Joseph Smith.  I have been taking “the discussions” with a couple of the missionaries, and as I live out in the sticks, they have been getting rides from members of the Ward that I have been attending.  My first time in an LDS Church was on January 10^th.

So, I have been back two more times, on January 17^thand 24^th, and continuing with weekly lessons with the missionaries.  We have found that Friday mornings seem to work well, as I work from home on Fridays and it allows us a chance to use the whole house and not feel locked away in my den.  I really don’t think that they mind, but I feel better – like we’re not hiding away or something.  So far, the conversations have been about the Restoration, Plan of Salvation, and Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I have been reading from either the Book of Mormon, the Teaching of the Presidents of the Church – Joseph Smith, or the Gospel Fundamentals book daily. I have also been praying for a revelation that all of this is true – daily.

Where to begin…. First of all, the missionaries are incredible.  Some of the nicest young men I think I have ever in my life come across.  I would have no problem with my daughter having an interest in any of these fellows, and that is saying a LOT.  And it’s not just the suits.  These guys are sincere and dedicated well beyond their years.  I envy them in a way.

Church has been great. My wife and daughter won’t come with me, but that’s fine.  I’m doing this for me.  I figure that if indeed all this is true, and I walk the path, they will or will not follow and that really isn’t my issue.  I learned a long time ago, you can’t change people. Influence people yes, change them no.  I have been talking to some of the fellows at Church that were converts, not “born into” the LDS Church, and many have similar stories; it starts with one member of the family and eventually many come along.  Some don’t, some do, again – we can’t change people.  At least I’m not getting a ribbing at home when I put on a tie and head out the door on Sunday.  In fact, the wife came in to my den at 10:00 last Sunday and said, “What are you doing!?”  I looked up and told her I was reading and asked “why?”  She said, “It’s 10:00!  Aren’t you going to Church?”  “Church starts at 11:00 Hon, but thanks for reminding me” â€śOh”, she says, “OK, just checking”  (haha) That is a far cry from the “You’re kidding me” she threw out the first Sunday when she saw me in my Funeral/Court suit.

My experiences on Sundays have been absolutely wonderful.  I have been partaking of the Sacrament (there may be some technicality here) as I feel I do have a relationship with Christ that makes it perfectly acceptable for me to do so.  Nobody has said anything to the contrary, so .. fine there. The talks given by the young(er than me) couples have been very uplifting and I can feel their sincerity and genuine love for God.  Something missing from some of the churches I have been in.  One Sunday, a member of the High Council (I think that’s what they said) spoke.  Older guy, kinda monotone, and a bit hard to hear over all the kids, but his message shook me to the core. 

People have been falling over themselves sometimes, juggling kids and backpacks to shake my hand. Only once was someone unsure of my name, and got it right anyway.  Of course, being the new guy I can count all the people I know by name on one hand, and I’m missing a couple fingers (never been real good with names)

Sunday school has been great and I am amazed by the scholarship of these regular folks. One guy who taught was a Ph.D. student studying ancient civilizations – just amazing.  Goes to prove that this “unpaid clergy” thing works!

I have been warmly welcomed into the Priesthood Meetings and do my best to be prepared, but keep my mouth shut for the most part.  Rumor got around that I was getting baptized in a couple weeks, and one guy threw his arm over my should to congratulate me.  When I explained, that no, I made a commitment to come to a decision by Feb 7^th, not get dunked on Feb 7^th, he was a tad embarrassed, but I put him at ease and explained that I’m still working through some things myself and with my family.  He laughed and said, “you really should come join us!” and I felt it was very sincere, not like the Navy Recruiter many years ago, this fellow really wanted me to enjoy the fellowship.  It was quite touching in a “guy kinda way” if ya know what I mean.

I have been invited many times to come over to folks houses for meals, and theye always invite wife and daughter too.  I have to explain that they are still kinda shy, and the invitations always stay open.  Very cool. There is an African American Art and Culture thing going on in a couple weeks.  My wife is very into that sort of thing and said she would go.

So, here is where I am at:  As I explained to the missionaries, I think there are two decisions that need to be made before I commit to baptism and all the membership stuff. 

First, I need to know all this is true.  On that account, I have a wonderful “spirit” knowledge that it is.  The Sacred Grove, the Book of Mormon, the history of the Church, everything – all true, no doubt.  Then my intellect gets involved and messes with my head. I need to let that part sit for a bit and make sure it “sticks”

Second, if indeed it is all true, then I need to decide what I am going to do with it.  Am I going to dive in with everything I have, everything I can give, and live the life of an LDS?  Or, am I going to thank everyone for letting me check it all out, and walk away.  I see no middle ground.  I don’t want the middle ground – that is pointless.

I have discussed this with the missionaries and a fellow at church that seems to put up with me pretty well, and they are not pushing me at all.  They acknowledge my logic and are letting me wrestle it out inside. Besides, my wife thinks that I’m having some kind of “midlife crisis” and this will all pass in a few weeks. Who knows, she may be right

So, the deal I am striking in my head and will present to the missionaries this Friday is as follows:  Based on the fact that my spirit believes all this is true, and it is only my mind that is getting in the way sometimes, let’s assume that nothing totally bizarre happens over the next several weeks to make me totally derail.  In fact, let’s assume that my faith continues to grow, and my prayers continue to be answered.  I’m willing to commit to a baptism date of April 4^th, 2009. That should give me plenty of time to really understand what it is I am committing to, get a chance to learn some more, and alleviate my family’s concern that dad/hubby have gone off the deep end.

That’s where I stand as of today.