I think it might just be the culture that I grew up in, but as a little girl I always dreamed that Prince Charming would just show up and take me away on his white horse to his castle some where. But as the years have past, fantasy has given way to reality. I've realized that it's a lot more complicated than that.
Earlier my vision of how I would fall in love did not really involve any effort on my part. It was more just that I would be found by "Mr. Right" and then everything would be wonderful. However, I've learned that marriage, eternal marriage, involves three steps: becoming, finding, and committing.
Becoming is the act of actually changing one's self, habits, and attitudes to gradually transform into somone that another person would want to marry and stay married to. It starts before marriage and should carry on throughout all of our lives. This was kind of revelation to me, but really it makes sense, because, let's face it, none of us are perfect. This isn't easy, but it can really help not only pre-marriage, but if you have the idea impeded in your brain that you are not perfect, you'll probably be a lot more humble when inevitable conflicts arise during marriage.
Finding is another process in and of itself, entirely seperate from becoming. One thing to remember, in the area of finding, is that the perfect spous is not just going to drop out the sky. You'll never find someone one who fits you like a glove. Aka, I don't ascribe to the believe of having a soulmate. There are always going to be differing opinions and ideas of how to do things between any two people in or out of marriage. Finding takes work, but can be very rewarding if we are willing to pay the price. Also something that should be mentioned is the fact that unlike becoming and committing which are attributes that continue after marriage, finding is something that ends when you have found someone you are going to committ to. In other words, committment would become null and void if you continue searching and "checking out" other possible canidates for any type of intimate relationship after you've found who you have decided you're going to be eternally committed to.
The third aspect, of course, is committing. When it's said like that, it seems like such a simple thing, but it can be quite difficult and even intimidating at times. I mean, I can't even comprehend how long eternity is, yet, we're commanded to committ our all to someone else for that undefined amount of time. It's a little scary and naturally requires a lot of trust in the person that you're giving everything to. But it can also be the most rewarding and comfort bringing aspect of all three. If you and your spouse are both mutually and fully committed to each other the love you share could be more wonderful than I've known in my years of dating. Being sealed to someone else in a holy temple for time and all eternity is something more sacred and special than anything else we can participate in during all the rest of our mortal existence.

Tags: Becoming Finding Committing Eternal Marriage