"Going Under"

Now I will tell you what I've done for you -
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -
And you still won't hear me.
(going under)
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.
(So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I'm...

So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away (so far away)
I won't be broken again (again)
I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I'm going under (going under)
I'm going under (drowning in you)

I have always liked this song, never quite sure why until now. The depth of my sorrow has never been described as well as this. When I have a bad day I always listen to Evanescence, but I know now why....when depression has completely taken over your life, your heart and your soul, when you have been beaten down emotionally by those who are supposed to love and protect you. The darkness is deep, the pain overwhelming. No one understands. It so nice for everyone else who looks at me and could never tell, thinks I am happy.....what a nice life you have. Love is such an awful word. Over used and meaning little. For most of us there is no such thing as unconditional love. We all expect to be loved in return, to be truly loved, needed, wanted. And if we say we don't, we are lying. The basic concept of being loved how we need to be loved is so underated. When you can't feel loved......what an awful feeling. And maybe some of us are never meant to be happy. Maybe nothing will make me happy. Maybe there isn't anything that will make me happy. No amount of caring and concern will be enough. I have come to the conclusion that love is an action word. You can say it all you want, but without action it means nothing. Drowning is very acurate at this point.