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I thought it was very interesting that to end the semester of a marriage prep class the cirriculum had us talk about divorce in the final lecture. Divorce is something that has affected my life in more ways than one. I have felt the impact and pain associated with divorce as I've watched some people that I dearly love experience it in all of its ramifications. But I think it really touched home when our guest lecturer asked the class what we would answer an inquisitive friend as the Latter-day Saint Church's stand on divorce.
One thing I thought of right away was to describe to this friend what marriage means to those of our faith. Marriage is a sacred and lasting covenant between two loving people and our loving Father in Heaven. In the ideal, marriage is an eternal bond between husband and wife that helps all involved to endure through trials and tribulation and relish harmony and happiness. It is what connects us to each other presently, to our future children and grandchildren, and to our ancestors who've gone before us. It is the most sacred ordinance that can be entered into in this life. 
However, sometimes marriage does not match the ideal. At times, husband and wife can forget the reasons that once bound them in love and do and say things that hurt one another. There can be abuse of many kinds that are spiritually, emotionally, and/or physically destructive to one or both partners. It is hard to say when divorce is acceptable, since no one can ever really know what is going on intimately and internally between husband and wife. But in some cases divorce happens as a means of ending extreme sorrow.
I don't want to sit here, in my naive and unwedded state, and judge anyone who has been divorced, but another thing we talked about in class is how divorce is not a cure-all. The problems and hard feelings that exist between two people will not ever be completely dispanded with the dissolution of their marriage, especially where children are involved resulting in inevitable and constantly reoccuring encounters between divorcees. 
All I'm trying to say here, is what was said in my class: that divorce is like amputation. It may be necessary in extreme circumstances when unavoidable  for survival, but is not ideal in our view of how marriage should proceed. 

Tags: Divorce Marriage

I think it might just be the culture that I grew up in, but as a little girl I always dreamed that Prince Charming would just show up and take me away on his white horse to his castle some where. But as the years have past, fantasy has given way to reality. I've realized that it's a lot more complicated than that.
Earlier my vision of how I would fall in love did not really involve any effort on my part. It was more just that I would be found by "Mr. Right" and then everything would be wonderful. However, I've learned that marriage, eternal marriage, involves three steps: becoming, finding, and committing.
Becoming is the act of actually changing one's self, habits, and attitudes to gradually transform into somone that another person would want to marry and stay married to. It starts before marriage and should carry on throughout all of our lives. This was kind of revelation to me, but really it makes sense, because, let's face it, none of us are perfect. This isn't easy, but it can really help not only pre-marriage, but if you have the idea impeded in your brain that you are not perfect, you'll probably be a lot more humble when inevitable conflicts arise during marriage.
Finding is another process in and of itself, entirely seperate from becoming. One thing to remember, in the area of finding, is that the perfect spous is not just going to drop out the sky. You'll never find someone one who fits you like a glove. Aka, I don't ascribe to the believe of having a soulmate. There are always going to be differing opinions and ideas of how to do things between any two people in or out of marriage. Finding takes work, but can be very rewarding if we are willing to pay the price. Also something that should be mentioned is the fact that unlike becoming and committing which are attributes that continue after marriage, finding is something that ends when you have found someone you are going to committ to. In other words, committment would become null and void if you continue searching and "checking out" other possible canidates for any type of intimate relationship after you've found who you have decided you're going to be eternally committed to.
The third aspect, of course, is committing. When it's said like that, it seems like such a simple thing, but it can be quite difficult and even intimidating at times. I mean, I can't even comprehend how long eternity is, yet, we're commanded to committ our all to someone else for that undefined amount of time. It's a little scary and naturally requires a lot of trust in the person that you're giving everything to. But it can also be the most rewarding and comfort bringing aspect of all three. If you and your spouse are both mutually and fully committed to each other the love you share could be more wonderful than I've known in my years of dating. Being sealed to someone else in a holy temple for time and all eternity is something more sacred and special than anything else we can participate in during all the rest of our mortal existence.

Tags: Becoming Finding Committing Eternal Marriage

So according to the Proclamation on the Family and what we've been discussing in class, the job description of a husband and father can be generally summed up in three 'P' words: preside, provide, and protect. They are to preside over the family as the priesthood holder in the home as an equal partner to their wife. They are to provide for their wife and children's physical and spiritual needs. And they are to protect their family against any harm. These seem like very important and helpful things to do for the family.
Then we talked about what the wife and mother's role is and it was summed up in one word: nurturing. At first I was a little disappointed. How come we only get one word when the guys have three things they get to do? How come what we should do seems so much less important than the male's responsibilities?
After I thought about it a little longer, I realized how mistaken I was. Nurturing is so important. For example, how many complexes and mental and physical problems stem from lack of nurturing in the home. It is so essential that everyone feels loved. If you don't feel love in the home, you'll probably look for it somewhere else; since being loved is one of the most necessary things in this world. If you go looking for it somewhere else, it may be easier for others to take advantage of the fact that you've been denied that need. It is so essential, also, to be taught good principles in the home. If you learn the value of work, learning, and personal growth at a young age, you'll be able to develop a lot further in your later years.
Nurturing is a divine quality. It is naturally given abundantly to women. Women, in the most part, have an innate desire to help and care for others. That's why it's the only, but still significantly important, qualities of a wife and mother.
One other thing that really struck me from our class discussions was the purpose behind getting married. Truthfully, I have always felt that one of the main reasons I wanted to get married was because I think it will help to make me happy; I believe most people share this idea. Now, don't get me wrong, I am happy now and I'm not married yet, but I think that taking part in a marriage commitment would definitely add to my happiness. But here's the problem: I think I focus too much on how it will benefit me. What if I got married in order to make someone else happy? What if my goal in getting married was in order to ensure that the person I love more than anyone else will be as happy as I can possible make him?
I think that this is a much better perspective on marriage, especially if both spouses have it as a goal. If both people in a marriage are trying their best to make the other person happy, not only will you be happy because of your spouse's efforts, but this happiness will be multiplied due to being around someone who is also happy because of your efforts for them. I hope this all makes sense and that you understand what a break through this was for me. I had just never thought of marriage this way before.

Tags: Marriage Roles The Family Nurturing Motherhood Happiness Growth

Something that really stuck out in my Marriage Prep classes recent discussions has been the subject of worry. My professor mentioned that if we worry too much about the things that could possibly go wrong and always plan for those things, it might bring on some self-fulfilling prophecy. He was mostly mentioning it reference to planning ahead for the future and women only receiving higher education so that on the chance their husband dies or divorces them that they will have a means to earn income. (This topic was also discussed in the recent news broadcast with the newly ordained First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, during which it was reiterated that all should recieve as high a level of education as possible not only as a percaution for future tragedy, but also as a means to expand their minds.)
When I thought about worries in general, I realized that I do way to much of that. I worry about everything in a relationship. Every time I've dated someone, regardless to if we ever progressed far enough as to discuss the possibility of marriage, I worry about all sorts of things. Recently the things I've worried about most have been very small things and they make me panic mainly because they have been indicators in the past of a forth and coming break-up. Therefore, if I see any sign of the these things, I automatically start worrying. I don't think that this is a good thing in any type of relationship and is probably something I should try my best to elliminate before I even get close to the altar.
Though I've never been married, I could imagine how over-active worrying could very negatively influence the relationship of husband and wife. In a state of worry it is rather hard to think clearly and often inaccurate conclusion are unjustifiably jumped to. This can lead to unfounded disappointment, anger, and break downs in communication, the later of which should be constantly avoided if at all possible.
I don't know how to worry less, since it's acutally I've had a problem with for most of my life. So, I'm throwing this question out there and would appreciate any and all advice on the subject: How can I stop worrying so much, especially about things that I have no control over and may possibly never even happen?

Tags: Concerns Worry Marriage Family

Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles made in analogy between repentance and a tree in high-wind. It went something like this: If a tree does not have a very strong base or trunk, everytime the wind blows hard enough it will bend and the leaves will get dirty. This is comparable to us in that if we are not strongly rooted in the teachings of the Jesus Christ and his gospel, each time the winds of adversity blow, we will bend and become dirty through sin. Now if you simply go to the tree and clean the leaves off, that may seem like a successful cleansing. However, this cleanliness will only last until the next storm arrives, when the tree again will bend. The same can be said with us. If we simply make the outward efforts of repenting and cleansing from sin, we may seem to have beaten our weakness. But this false sense of victory will only last as long as life takes to bring us to our next turn with adversity. Following which time we will be as dirty as before we took the troble to cleas all our leaves. The only way to prevent and protect against this endless cycle is to repair the root of the problem. We have to not only do the intial cleaning of the leaves, but also support the roots and trunk so that it can stand tall during the next storm. We likewise must fortify our foundation of beliefs and change almost our very nature before we will ever be truly repentant. The hebrew translation of the word 'repentance' is roughly "a change of mind, thought, or thinking so powerful that it changes one's very way of life". Also the word for repent in German, "bereuen", signifies a common meaning in English with the word "u-turn" or "to turn around". Repentance therefore is not simply a slight course alteration that you hope will not bring you to an undesirable end, but a complete change in direction. In fact, an entire turn back to where we came from. If our desires, passions, and thoughts are truly changed the enticement of sin will not even tempt us.

Tags: Atonement Repentance Marriage Family

Did you know that marriages are ordained of God? That's probably why this union between a man and a women is so important in my religion. I've been learning a lot about marriage and how to prepare for it this semester in my Marriage Prep class.

One of the things we've discussed is the fact that a lot needs to be considered when selecting a potential spouse. Not only should you consider your own personal characteristic preferences, but you should also take into account the relationship you share, all social aspects of your unioin, and both of your religious beliefs. This includes talking about how many, if any, children you want, where you want to live, how you budget your money, how the family you grew up in functioned, what personal qualities you have that would help or hinder your marriage, and expectations you have in a future spouse. My teacher said several times that it's especially important to realize that you will never find the perfect companion, because no one is perfect and that if there did exist such a person that they would probably not want to marry someone whos is not perfect as well.

Also he emphasized that the qualities each of you posses on the day of your wedding will probably be the same as on the day after your wedding. So if there is something you or your future spouse need to change it will not magically happen as soon as you are married but should be something you work on before and/or during your marriage.

Another thing he discussed in more detail was your spending habits. He said that it's really bad if you have a habit of spending money to change your mood. This will not only not really change whatever it was that put you in that mood, but it will also most likely damage your marriage financially. It was pointed out that we should never go shopping if we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. None of these things can be changed by having a new shirt or shoes. In fact it will probably expand your already bad emotion when you receive the bill from your splurge. 

Tags: Marriage Family Preparation

I was asked by my marriage prep professor at BYU to write about what we've been learning in class. So far, since it's only been the first week of class for the semester, a lot of what we've been doing has been organizational. But we have talked a little about marriage. I wrote down one quote that I thought was interesting. I don't remember who it was from but it said, "Everthing we have in the whole gospel system is to prepare and qualify us to enter that holy order of matrimony which makes us husband and wife in this life and in the world to come . . . there is nothing in this world as important as the creation and perfection of family units" There were two parts of this quote that caught my attention. The first part is that everything in the gospel points us to entering into holy matrimony. There are so many faucets of the gospel and so I think it's interesting that marriage is so important that it is named as our focus. The second part that I gave some thought to is that it's not all just about the creation of a family unit, but it is equally, or maybe more important, to perfect that unit. I don't know exactly at what point you would be able to say that your family is perfect; in fact I don't think that it's possible. But I think we can always be working and improving the way our families interact and function.