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Well, it’s almost Easter.  This will be my first Easter away from home and without my family. Most of our family traditions I can’t do by myself, and I don’t really have any money to anything else fun.  I can still keep my favorite Eater tradition though.  Every Easter, my dad would get us up just before sunrise, and then we would all go outside, perfectly quiet, and wait. In a large family, there are very few silent moments when we are all together, but this was one every year that I loved. We would just sit and wait. Most of us were half asleep, and we would be wrapped up in blankets and sleeping bags out on the grass. Then the sky would lighten and start to change colors. Then my dad would start to tell us about the Easter story. About Christ’s death, and resurrection. About the Atonement. About grace. It’s a great experience every year. This year I won’t be with my family for that, but I still plan to do that on my own. Just before sunrise, I will wrench myself out of bed, go outside in the snow and read my scriptures. It won’t quite be the same, but I’ll make it work. I’ll have Easter this year without our big family meal or Easter candy. It won’t be the same, but that’s not the important part of Easter anyways. Maybe I’ll splurge and actually have three meals that day. J

For my older sisters who attended BYU-I, the announcement, groundbreaking, and slow building of the Rexburg temple was big news. Now I got to witness the dedication. I got to volunteer at the openhouse, I got to attend the temple celebration, and today I got to watch a broadcast of the dedication of that grand majestic building up on the hill. It was a really great experience.
For te temple openhouse I got to usher. I was stationed right outside the celestial room, it was amazing. I lived in the Newport Beach temple district when it gotdedicated in 2005, and for that I Got to help with the open house too. With that one though, I got to sit outside and put shoecoverings on people's feet as they entered the temple. I'm glad I got to be inside the temple this time. There is suh a great spirit in there, even before it was dedicated.
The temple youth celbration was a lot of fun. They told the history of the rexburg area, and the youth and primary children danced, while a choir made up of university studentssang. I almost was a part of that choir, but I couldn't make it to enough of the rehersals, so I really missed out. I did get to attend the celebration where it took place, most of the other people had to watch a broadcast of it in other buildings on campus. Elders Nelson and Bednar were there to watch, I was sitting probobly 100 feet away from them or so. I was thinking though, They are men just like others. They're not celebrities, they are just representatives of Christ as we all should be.
I couldn't help but to compare this temple celebration to the one that I got to participate in two and a half years ago for the Newport Beach temple. Presidents Hinkley andFaust came and spokke to us at that one. That too was such a great experience.
So there is now a dedicated temple a short walk away from where I live. I can still only do baptisms there, but I plan to frequently. I love being in the temple, it is just the greatest feeling. I can't wait until I can go through the rest of it. That probobly won't be until I serve a mission in two years or if I happen to get married before that. I'm so excited  to go through the temple. Baptisms are still important, and I'm eager to do as much of that as I can.

Being one of the youngest in a large family, nearly all of my growing up years I had siblings away at college. They would call home, or we would write letters and they would each say how great and how wonderful college life was. Now that I’m in position, I agree with them in many aspects. When I call home or write letters to those younger than me still left at home, I mostly only tell them the good parts, especially since my little sister is terrified to come to college next year, so I’m trying to help her get over that somewhat. And for the most part, it is great. I do really enjoy college life a lot. However, there are just a few things that drive me nuts.

            Being from a large family, I figured that it would be fairly simple to get along with different people. I generally do get along with most people pretty well. I had a picture in my mind of what everything was going to be like, and I figured I Could deal with it easily… but there were just a few things that I did not count on. It was a bit of a shock to realize that my family is not exactly typical. Just simple things, I always thought were a given, I now realize that they were family rules that other families did not necessarily have. Things like ‘clean up your own messes,’ ‘don’t swear,’ ‘dress modestly.. it doesn’t make a difference if you’re just going to bed,’ ‘be courteous,’ ‘be home on time’ and the one that has been giving me the most trouble as of late ‘DO NOT embarrass Dad.”

            It is true that I’m not still living with my dad, but the concepts that that entailed has stuck with me. My family was always decent about obeying the rules that were set. I’m not going to say that we never disobeyed the rules, but there were some rules that were stressed more than others, and the big ones just WERE NOT disobeyed. It never even once crossed my mind to disobey them. Embarrassing Dad was one of those things that simply was not done.

            All of my siblings were relatively mild when it came to teenage years; none of us were openly rebellious. I only remember one of my siblings ever getting into an argument with my parents. I’m sure that there were more, but with many of them I was probably too young to remember. We used to frequently get into quarrels with each other though. My younger brother and I especially, we would be at each other’s throats constantly. But NEVER in public, especially when Dad was around.

            My family did not go out to eat often because of the large number of us, but whenever we did, we were on our best behavior. Good manners, spoke softly, did not make messes, no arguing, don’t play with the food, don’t make a spectacle, don’t bother anyone else, etc. One time I remember my family was eating at Denny’s. I was probably about 5 years old at the time. There were 9 kids still living at home at the time, ranging from 17 to 1 years old. I enjoy watching people, and I always have, so when the waitress assigned to our table came out and saw so many kids, I remember her face. (She was probably only about 16 or 17 herself, but to me then, she was old.) She had this look of slight panic, great frustration, immense annoyance, and then she looked up past the ceiling as if she were asking God, ‘why me?’ I think she pas pleasantly surprised. After we were done eating, she came and shook my dad’s hand and complimented him on his well-behaved children.

            That was just how we were whenever we were in public. There just was no question. That’s just how one behaved. I never really thought much about any of this until recently. I never really thought of myself as much like my dad in that respect. I think of all of the kids, I was the most likely to goof off and get that stern look from Dad, which quieted me immediately. That was all it ever took. One look. I used to imagine that someday I would take my children out to eat dinner, and we would play games, and goof off and just have fun. Not that we didn’t have fun with Dad, it just had to be the kind of fun you had without making too much noise, without making messes, and without in any way bring shame on the family.

            In the last couple of weeks I have gone out to eat with my roommates twice. Both times I was surprised not only by their behavior, but by my reaction to it as well. I don’t mind it when they’re silly and annoying when we’re at home. It’s quite entertaining actually, but when we go out to eat, I guess I just expected them to do what my family always did. They were loud and messy. They were playing games with the food. They had loud and messy eating contests. They made towers of half-full glasses of root beer, which eventually led to a huge drippy mess all over the table and onto the floor. They didn’t bother to try and stop it because that’s what the restaurant staff was for.

            I was humiliated.

            I didn’t join in with their frivolities, but nor did I ask them to stop. I didn’t think that it would bother me, but I guess it did. My relationship with my roommates is a little awkward. I’m an observer. I enjoy just watching. They have long since gotten used to this, so they no longer expect me to join in when they play games, and I generally am pretty quiet when I’m around them, so they didn’t notice my discomfort at all.

            Today my FHE family went out to eat lunch. I politely declined joining them on account of homework I had to do. This is probably the fifth time I haven’t joined in on an activity that they do together. I go to the Monday night meetings, but I usually do have lots of homework that cannot be put off. This one time when I didn’t have a lot of homework, I told them I did just so I wouldn’t have to go. What makes it that much worse is that fact that I’m supposedly the Mom of this FHE group. Not only am I supposed to be attending this sort of thing, I’m supposed to be leading them. Tonight they’re all going to see a movie together. Once again, I can’t go because I have a date tonight. I’m a lousy parent!

Maybe this was just in my high school, but it always seemed to me that all of the history teachers at the high school level were first and foremost coaches. They always seemed to teach history because it is a general theory that history doesn't take any training, because you can just read it from the book. In this way these history teachers become more like history coaches because rather than teach you history, they just tell you what to read and then administer tests. This always bothered me because I really enjoy history, and it is a bit disappointing that so little emphasis is put into history. It's a wonder they still teach it in the schools at all with the treatment that it gets.

Recently I've noticed that there are several major categories of people in this world when it comes to the enjoyment of history.
Group 1: 'Vigilantes' These people love history because they have had enthusiastic, knowledgeable teachers that were successful in transferring their own love of the subject onto their pupils. These people may have lousy teachers later, but because they had the one teacher that inspired them, they are able to maintain their love of history throughout.
Group 2: 'Recreationals' These people enjoy history later on in life as they have lived through more and more of it. These people generally didn't like history when they were in school, but it has become somewhat more interesting as it applies more to them. Also in this category I throw people that learned to love history later because of historical novels, or enjoy watching the history channel, but still dislike history in a formal setting.
Group 3: 'Ignorants' These are the ones that claim to be indifferent to history, but in truth they have not really formed an opinion one way or another because they either never took history seriously when they were in school, or they never had enough of a historical education to really care. These people may like some aspects of history (for example WWII) but dislike others because they like what they have knowledge about.
Group 4: 'Unfortunate' These are the people that had coaches for teachers, or old teachers that fell asleep while they talked, or teachers that teach because they don't know what else to do with their history degree, or basically any form of a lousy teacher that kills the love of history in the students. These students are the ones that associate history in general with one lousy teacher that they had in the eighth grade, sometimes by this point the damage is irreparable. Even if they have excellent teachers in subsequent years they refuse to like history because one teacher has killed it for them. (This group is unfortunately large, and this is the one that I hope to do something about in my lifetime.)
Group 5: 'Stubborn' These are the ones like my younger sister that had excellent teachers, and paid good attention, and had everything going for them, but still dislike history for the simple fact that it is history. "Who wants to learn about a bunch of old dead guys that did some stuff a long time ago... even if some of that stuff was kinda cool." This is my younger sister's quote directly. She realizes that it is very interesting, and that it is cool, but she feels like she has other things to learn that is more interesting just because it is the here and now.

I had a few other groupings too, but these are the main ones that are on my mind at the moment. I fall into the first category. I had an excellent teacher when I was in eighth grade. In ninth grade my teacher was substandard, tenth was great, eleventh was the worst, twelfth was amazing. I've seen both sides of the spectrum. I've taken this knowledge and now I'm doing something about it. I want to teach history so that there are fewer people that are forced into the 'unfortunate' category. There needs to be more teachers out there that are there to teach, and not because they are good at basketball, and nothing else, so the principle plops them into a history teaching position. I'm not saying that no history teachers can coach. My senior year I took a history class from the girl's basketball coach. She was probably less than 5' tall, and she was just so enthusiastic and excited about history, that it was impossible not to enjoy the history. At least, that's what I thought. My younger sister had the same teacher for a different class. She hated that class the entire year. She is a musician and she only likes music. She is 'stubborn.'
For any of you history teachers out there, please please please be a good one. I don't want to send my children off to school someday and they come back despising history because they had a lousy teacher. I'm trying to do my part in stopping this from occurring. I am currently in school studying history-education. I graduate in two years, and I'm hoping to teach as soon as possible. No more students should have to suffer through Mr. whatshisname droning on about something that he really doesn't know much about and doesn't care about.

When I was in High school I took 7 AP tests: English-literature, English-Composition, Calculus, Physics, American History, European History, and World History. A lot of people seem really impressed when they hear this, but they really shouldn't be. I've never been a very good student. I'm naturally lazy, and I rarely do work that I don't absolutely have to. In these classes I usually got B's and C's, but grades don't really matter to the colleges, all they care about is the test that we take at the end of the year. Calculus was easy because I had an excellent teacher; I understood the concepts well, so the test was really easy. Physics was probably the hardest. That's probably the one that I worked the most for, and I barely passed. English is my weakness. I dislike analyzing books and poetry, and though I write fairly decent essays, I don't like the things that I had to write on. Half of the English tests are multiple choice, the other half are essays. I'm fairly good at deductive reasoning, so usually by the process of elimination I do decently on multiple choice. The essays were always a struggle, but by talking a lot and making it sound like I know what I'm talking about, I managed to scrape by on both of those tests. The last three are history. History is kind of my thing. So I did well on those tests more to prove a point. I didn't mind studying because I enjoyed the subject.
I like to call this long-term laziness. Even though I ended up doing more work at that time, in the long run it ended up being a lot less work, and a lot less costly. I began college this fall with 36 credits before I had even begun. The majority of my GE's are done. I don't have to take any English, or math, or science at all because of these tests. Because I'm majoring in history I don't get to get out of history all together, but I don't have to take any of the basic level history classes. Great! Yeah, that was my first thought too. The only problem with that is... what do I take now. All of the other people my age are just taking their basic math, history, science, English, etc. I don't have to take any of those, so I've been plunged right into the thick of things. I'm taking several sophomore and junior level classes. It's hard! My study habits from high school were not wise, I really didn't have to do all that much work during the school year, because I could just study hard at the end of the year and salvage my test, as well as my grade. I never worried about getting strait A's because nothing mattered except that test. Now, there is no big test at the end of the year. There is nothing that I can cram for and make it all come out okay. All there is, is hard work. I'm not used to this.
Most of the other people in my classes are in their early 20s or older, some are nearing graduation. I'm 18. I won't even turn 19 for quite some time. I feel like a little kid compared to some of these people. The other day, in one of my classes, we were discussing our memories of September 11, 2001. Most people were in mid-high school, some were serving missions, and some were even in college already. I had just begun Middle school. It was just a few days after I had begun 7th grade. I graduated from elementary school just a couple of months before. In another of my classes, I don't remember what the topic was, but we were talking about where we were in 1992. Most were in elementary school, some older. I was barely three years old. I wasn't even in pre-school yet.
So, this last month or so has been very stressful for me. But this is not the fault of anyone but myself. I should be able to handle things like this. Other people my age would be able to, it has just been my own laziness that has put me into this position. If I can make it through this semester I think that I will have learned a really good lesson: how to do real hard work. Sure, I can do hard labor, and chores around he house and stuff like that, but I've never really had to actually work hard in school, deadlines and such are not something that I enjoy.
And now that I have taken a nice long break... I've got homework to do

I come from something of a large family. I love all of my siblings, and I would like to think of the family as close, but it seems that I am becoming farther and farther away from them, but also getting closer and closer. It's something of a strange relationship with many of us. None of us are phone people; we will never take the initiative to call anyone, even though we enjoy getting phone calls from other people. Most of us do better with e-mail, we usually try and send out an e-mail to the family about our activities in each week, but it's not really personal by any means. Once a year, usually just after Christmas, we'll have a family reunion, with all of my siblings, their spouses, and all of their kids. This is a lot of fun, but again, it's hard to do anything on a personal level just because there are so many people. Counting my parents, my siblings, their spouses, and their kids, there are 35 people in my family. We do have a lot of fun, but it's just too crowded for me. I do not like big crowds. I really really don't like big crowds of strangers. Family is better, but it's still a big crowd. I would much rather talk with one of my siblings one on one. My oldest brother is the same way, so frequently the two of us will sit outside or somewhere and just talk with each other. As a result I'm probably the closest with him of all of my older siblings. This really bothers me, because we are a close family, I just feel alienated from them because I don't interact the same way as most of them do.
I've never really been close to the very oldest of my siblings. My oldest sister got married when I was three years old. I never really got to know her well in my home, so these family reunions are all that I know her from. It's gotten much better over the years, but she still sees me as the little three year old at her wedding reception.
This past week, I took the initiative to call each and every one of my siblings. It was a really good experience. All of my siblings appreciated the phone call, and I probably talked with each of them for over two hours. I always used to assume that if anyone really wanted to talk to me, they would call me, but this experience has helped me to realize that they all want to talk to me, they are just too busy with the hear and now to realize that they want to talk to me, because they haven't had time to think about it.
The other day I saw someone on campus as I was walking between classes that I recognized, but I could not remember who it was. I struggled over remembering all day long, and finally just after I went to bed that night I realized that it was my cousin. My first cousin. I think it's pretty pathetic that I don't know who my cousins are. This is because my parents have the same relationship with their siblings and kids that I do with my siblings and their kids. We get together once a year at family reunions, but there are just too many people that I can't get to know anyone. I don't want that to happen to my kids. I want them to know their cousins. I want them to be good friends with them. It's harder to do with such a big family, but it has got to be possible, and I realize that If I want to do it, it's going to have to be me initiating it because none of my siblings will because they are all just trying to keep their own homes organized and up and running. Taxiing kids, working jobs, cleaning, sorting... There are just so many things that they have on their plates. I understand that once I get married and have kids it will be considerably more difficult, but I can try at least.
Here is my challenge to everyone... especially anyone with a big family. Call your siblings! Call your aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, parents, grandparents, old friends that you haven't talked to in years but still send a Christmas card, call anyone that you really do want to keep in touch with.

I've been feeling a little down lately, I needed to explain some things to myself... that's basically what this is. It was written primarily for my benefit, I wasn't going to put it on here, but I thought that maybe some people, though they are not going through the same trials that I have been facing lately, might appreciate this message. God doesn't need us to give more than we have to give. It's like the woman who gave two pence for her tithes, but it was all that she had, so she was blessed more than those that gave a lot, but percentagewise was a pittance. We don't have to do everything. We aren't expected to do everything right the first time. We don't need to socialize when we don't feel like it (This is a big one for me). Just because I feel that it's polite or proper, I'm not a bad person because I'm not up to it. As long as we are doing what is commanded of us, we're doing alright. We don't need to be perfect yet, we just need to be trying our best. When He said "It is not requisite that man run faster than he has strength" he was talking about this. Yes, we should keep running in a forward direction, but just because we cannot do everything perfectly does not mean that we should beat ourselves up over it. I don't know if that would make any sense to anyone other than me, but it was written mostly for me anyways.


It's a loud family gathering
Lots of fun, and food, and people I love
Children scream with laughter, brothers wrestle, sisters show off their new babies
All crowded into a room to sing
I feel claustrophobic
I hide
I feel alone

Walking down a college hallway
People studying quietly
Some sit in couples, some with babies
Good friends beckon me to join them
I feel awkward; I decline
I hide
I feel alone

Sitting in my bedroom
Familiar pictures and books line the walls
My favorite blanket wrapped around my shoulders
I hear laughter from the room next door
I consider going to join them, I decide against it
I hide
I feel alone

In a classroom with 63 classmates
We discuss music and the gospel
All around me, students contribute to the discussion
They all seem so much more intelligent than I am
I avoid making eye contact with anyone
I hide
I feel alone

Doing a presentation in front of a class
I know the material well, so I present the information accurately and clearly
I talk too fast
I finish too early
I sit down and keep my head down, so I don't have to see the looks on my classmates' faces
I hide
I feel alone

Laying on my back in a grassy field at the nearby park
Stars shine above me
Hymns of gratitude come to my mind
God's great majesty is displayed before my eyes
I know that the Lord loves me
I don't need to hide
I'm never alone, for God is with me always

When I'm with family I do not have to participate in every activity
That is not what God requires of me
If I do my best, and open my heart, God will help me

When I am with my friends I do not have to join them if I'm not feeling up to it
That is not what God requires of me
If I do my best, and open my heart, God will help me

When I am alone I'm allowed to enjoy that alone time, I do not have to be where the party is
That is not what God requires of me
If I do my best, and open my heart, God will help me

When I'm surrounded with people and am feeling intimidated I do not have to say the best and smartest things
That is not what God requires of me
If I do my best, and open my heart, God will help me

When I don't do something perfectly, I do not need to feel judged by those around me
That is not what God requires of me
If I do my best, and open my heart, God will help me

When I am seeing the majesty of God, I do need to be grateful and acknowledge his hand in all things
This is what God requires of me
If I do my best, and open my heart, God will help me

I have stolen the title of this blog entry from a song that my sister wrote. Her song is purely a piano peice, but even through the lack of words, the meaning of the song is portrayed. There is a repeating theme throughout the entire thing that reminds me of a cascade of heavenly gifts being continually thrown down upon us. I'm not a very good piano player. Everyone in my family can play the piano except me and my brothers, but even they dabble a little. I can memorize songs and play them, but it takes me a really long time. Even then, I have a hard time remembering more than a few songs before I start getting them mixed up. One of the songs that i have memorized is Blessings from Heaven. It's not an easy piece, but the repetition helps in the memorizing process.
The reason I chose that particular song was because it helps me to remember all of the many gifts that God has given me. Whenever I am feeling depressed, I can play that song, and it helps me to realize that the reason I am depressed is because I'm thinking of all the things that I don't have, and struggles that I'm having, and work that I have to do. When I take a moment to step back from my own struggles, and realize that I really do have it good. I have had a relatively easy life. There have been no major tragedies, I have a wonderful family, I am priveliged enough to attend a church school, which is a blessing all on its own. God really has done a lot for me. I cannot forget this. I should not go on living my life in the selfish manner that comes so naturally. When I agknowledge the Lord's hand in all things, I am happier. Not only that, but it helps me to live my life in a better way. When I realize everything that God has done for me, it helps me to want to serve others.
When I concider the Atonement which is quite possibly the most important blessing given to all of us, I feel an overwhelming rush of gratitude to our savior. I want to repay him in some way, but I know that there is no way that I'll every be able to repay him for this, especially since whenever we try, we are blessed further, and become deeper in his debt continually. This reminds me of the scripture: 'If you love me, keep my commandments.' So basically, all that he really wants us to do is what he's asked us to do i nthe first place. It seems that the least we can do for him after all he's given to us, is the best we can do.
So anyways, this ended up in a very different place than I had planned on taking it when I began, but that's okay, it helped me to realize somet things that I need to work on in my life. If anyone happens to want to hear the song "Blessings from Heaven" written by my sister, here's her website: http://www.kerbymusic.org/music.php?song_id=6. I don't know if anyone else will ge the same thing out of it that I did, but that's all right. That's the greatest thing about music, it can mean something different to everyone.

I began my walk to my class this morning at 7:20 am. It was cold, and my ears were freezing. I was frustrated with loads of homework, and I was upset with one of my roommates, I'm worried that a strange guy might like me, and I was just overall in a selfish, bad mood. As a walked, I noticed the presence of flags on nearly every property. Racking my memory, I realized that it was Veterans Day. As I continued on my trek across the campus to the far end, I was piecing together from my history classes the reasons of Veterans Day. November 11, 1918 marked the end of WWI. The armistice was signed at 11:00 (11/11 at 11 ) In France and many other countries, this day is remembered as Armistice Day. We changed it in this country after WWII. This day has become a day to remember and to honor all of those that fought in the military for our country. From the revolutionary war to the current war in Iraq, there have been millions of men (and more recently women) that have risked their lives, and many have given their lives to help protect their nation. My bad mood was forgotten as I turned my thoughts to my own relatives and ancestors that have fought in the military. I have a cousin that was killed in Iraq just a couple of years ago. I have a great uncle that was wounded in WWII, I have a distant ancestor that was a general in the American civil war. I have other relatives who were soldiers that fought under George Washington in the Revolution. Each and every soldier deserves recognition and thanks. I always like to include in these lists the other great war heroes that should deserve recognition, starting with Captain Moroni, Teancum, Mormon, and dozens of other good and righteous leaders. And then there is a whole other warfare going on. Right now there are over sixty-thousand missionaries all over the world that are fighting for good and for truth. These and all that have served missions, should get some sort of thanks. To carry this on, let's make mention of billions of more people that are unsung heroes in a sense. Police officers, fire fighters, teachers, leaders, mail carriers, farmers, scientists, engineers, medical personnel, janitors, grocery store baggers, and everyone else that give of their time and energy to help make the world run smoother. There are so many things that people do that are invaluable to society; we couldn't do without them. [Side note: Why is it that invaluable, and valuable mean exactly the same thing?] So basically, I'm just feeling grateful today. Thanks to all of you that do things that help out anyone in this world; Thanks to our military in particular today; and especially, Thanks to God for all that He does for all of us each and every day. Selfishness tends to put people in a bad mood, and gratitude helps to dissipate that. I'm not in a bad mood anymore . There is a song that I sang in choir in high school that I'd like to share the lyrics. They seem applicable.

Let us sing for unsung heroes,
Those who lay their dreams aside.
Choosing honor more than glory
Pledging faith with quiet pride
Those whose uniform is courage yet are unashamed of tears.
Finding in their love of freedom power stronger than their fears.
Sing a song for unsung heroes; sing from sea to shining sea.
As the faithful sang before you sing the song of liberty
Let us sing for unsung heroes, those who answer freedom's call.
Those united by one purpose all for one and one for all.
We will sing and not be silenced. We will keep our voices strong,
For as long as we keep singing freedom's cry will still live on.

That's not all of the song, but that's the gist of it. Thanks again to all of you veterans.

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