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Have you ever woke up one morning and just laid there in bed and wondered what the heck you did to deserve where you are and what you have? I have personally done some pretty dumb things in my life, and I still wonder what I did to deserve the wife that I have, and the wonderful way my life seems to be headed.

After 10 years of being with the wrong woman, the past 2 years have been amazing. I love my wife so very much. I never thought that I could love someone this much. But the biggest thing that amazes me the most is that she has 6 children of her own, and I have come to love these children just as much as I love my own.

But now my wife is going to have MY child. I am so excited and proud to be the type of man that she would trust and want to be the father of her child. I love her so much. I just hope she knows how much she means to me, and how much my life has changed for the better since I met her.

I love you April.

"Our Song" Totally describes how I feel about my wonderful wife. I don't think I have found another song that quite says just what I feel.

Keeper of the Stars
by Tracy Byrd

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smilin' down on me
As I look at you tonight

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

Soft moonlight on your face oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes
I know I don't deserve a treasure like you
There really are no words
To show my gratitude

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew


I know that these feelings are mutual between my wife and I, and I do hope that they will never change.
April, you have changed my life so much for the better. You are my own little "guardian Angel", please know that I love you with all of my heart and you mean the world to me.

Ok, I am back online again.

I learned something new the past couple of weeks. When your computer starts to slow down and act up, and I think that I need to back up my hard drive...... DON"T PROCRASTINATE!!!!! I kept telling myself that I will back it up the next time I log on, then the next time, I told myself that the next time I logged on I would back it up, then the next time I got on, the same thing. You know what happens if you do that enough times? Yep, you can no longer log on!!!

Yep, my hard drive crashed, and when it did, it crashed HARD. I lost EVERYTHING. But now I am back and looking forward to seeing you all online again and chatting with my friends.

Hope to see you all soon!!

I have done much soul-searching and pondering during the past week or so. I have also done a lot of reading and studying. I have always been taught that the trials that we go through in our lives are to help strengthen us and that we should learn something from them.

Well, I have had a situation come up in my life that required me to do something that I believe is one of the hardest things that we can do. At least to do it truly and correctly is.

I always thought that I could pretty much forgive someone for what they did to me. But in all my searching and studying this past week, I found that I really did not know what true forgiveness was. Imagine my surprise when I found out that…

#1. Forgiving means that you forget about the offense.

I have learned that nothing could be further from the truth. Even though you forgive, you may never forget (and probably shouldn't) what happened to you.

However, you can tell that you have truly forgiven an offense when you can remember it without experiencing the emotional pain connected with it.

#2. Forgiving means that you are saying what they did was okay.

I found out that it is actually quite the opposite. We can still forgive, but see what happened to us as unjust, unfair, or unacceptable.

There are many things that someone can do to us that we don't deserve or that violate the contract, covenant, or agreement you have with each other.

Yet, we can forgive by realizing that perhaps they were misguided, or flawed and thus worthy of another chance.

#3. In order to forgive, you need to tell the person that you forgive them.

Fact is, forgiveness occurs in your heart- not in the telling someone that you forgive them.

#4. If you forgive, it means you will trust them again immediately.

Forgiveness and trust are two separate issues. Even after forgiveness, it may take a long time to re-build trust.

Trust must be re-earned after an offense, based on good behavior- not just smooth words or empty promises.

#5. Forgiveness occurs all at once.

Not necessarily. Maybe you can start by forgiving maybe 10%-just open the door-and then see how this person behaves.

After a period of time, you might open the door a little wider and let go of a little more anger until you are truly able to forgive 100%

After learning these 5 different things, a few of which I did already know, I found that what happened was easier to accept and I knew in my heart that I did not hate this person, but what they did was what I actually hated.

I am now on the right road to be able to completely forgive this person and move on to continue to strengthen our relationship.

I know that a few of you might know what happened and what I am talking about and who this person is. All I ask of you is please do not judge or harbor bad feelings toward this person. I know for a fact that you do not know ALL of what was involved and I just beg you to do as I am, and forgive this person.

Life is starting to put itself back together again. It is slowly starting to make sense again, and I am slowly starting to be able to trust again.

It is funny that we all go through life in a manner that seems to make all the sense in the world, but then, something happens to make your whole world come crashing down on top of you. When this happened, I know that I had to make one of two choices....... just lay down and let my world pass me by, or get up and take control and fight for what I knew was mine!

I have always believed, ever since I was a little boy, that in life, you sometimes fall. And it really does not matter how many times you fall and get back up again....... what matters is that you GET BACK UP AGAIN!

It has been very hard to let myself trust people again the past few months. Which actually seems very strange to me since I used to do things to destroy the trust that people had in me. But now I see it from the other side, someone destroyed the trust that I had in them, and it has been very hard to let myself be trusting again. But I think that I am finally starting to come around. This person has shown me time and time again that they are truely sorry for what happened, and have shown me that I am able to instill my trust in them again. Mind you, everything is not back to normal yet...... I still have my bad days where everything that happened comes crashing in on my mind again, but for the most part, most of my days I don't even think about it. I still think that it will be quite some time before EVERYTHING is back to normal again, but this is a BIG start.

I guess the old saying is true..... "Start with baby steps and work your way up to running"

On another note........

Pixie and I are going to have a Baby Boy around Thanksgiving time!!!!!! (For those of you who did not already know)

Well actually, PIXIE is going to have the baby, I just get to do the normal GUY-THING, and watch in amazement as this new little life comes into and blesses our lives!!

I look up as a tear rolls slowly down my cheek
I think about better days and wonder if I'll feel that way again.
You look at me with those eyes I know so well,
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not today, not now,
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you looking deep into those blue eyes
Hoping to understand why you've done those things you did
I wonder for a moment if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning and be relieved
you look at me with a confusion I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek.

I have been hurt by the one person that I thought would never hurt me, but I wanted to tell her that I still love her with all my heart, and always will. I want to let her know that I forgive her and want to get over this stumbling block in our lives and move on.

You are still in my heart
My love for you will never die
My thoughts will always be with you
And the pain I feel inside will always
Remind me of someone I still love

I know that she has been having some personal issues in her life and I want to tell her that I am here, beside her, to help her along when she needs me. Please lean on me and let me help with whatever I can.

I have been thinking something for her, I hope I can get it right since I don't have it written it down just yet. So here it goes.....

I REMEMBER

I can remember the time,
when our love was deep and true.
Promises made and forever kept,
sealed for life, "I do".
Blessed by God, Heaven ordained,
intertwined; body, spirit, and soul.
Two become one, for better or worse,
a lifetime to share, the heavenly goal.
I can remember the time,
secrets shared, memories made.
Always together, never to part,
A love so strong, it could never fade.
Tell me why, tell me how,
you could change your mind.
How you could turn your back,
on a love so rare to find.
My heart once so full of life,
is now broken beyond repair.
My body, spirit, and soul,
now tore in two.
This new life forced on me,
is more than I can bear.
I can remember the time,
when your faith was so strong.
Nothing could come between us,
nothing could go wrong.
Tell me why, tell me how,
you could change your mind.
Remember once you believed,
our love was rare to find.

Darling, we were meant to be together, and if I have anything to do with it, together is where we will stay. You have touched my soul in ways that you will never know. Please know that I am and always will be, right beside you, holding your hand, right where I should be.

1-4-3 darling, T-A-C