Once again, I haven't written in a while. Things have been crazy with the end of school and finals and what not. But now I'm done with school for the semester, and the next time I'll open a book to study will be in Spain! I got accepted into the Study Abroad program for fall, so I get to spend 3 glorious months tromping around Spain and seeing all of the historic sites and the beautiful architecture. I'm so excited. :)

As for things with me and my boyfriend, they're going stronger than ever, especially since we were able to work our problems out. The last time I wrote, we had been dating for a little bit over a month, and now we're coming up on three months. We had a little bit of a rough patch in the middle of March, but we realized that we aren't as similar in certain ways as we previously thought. At any rate, things are so much better now, because we were willing to work through our differences and communicate our needs. It's amazing how things work out. :)

Now that my marriage prep class is over, I don't really have to write any more blogs on marriage. However, my dad sent me this wonderful article by Orson Scott Card on the subject. I can't possibly say what he said better than he did, but I just want to comment on his thoughts.

He basically summed up everything that I learned in my marriage prep class in one nice, neat little article. First of all he said that altogether too many people are putting marriage off for "more important things" or so that they can "find themselves." He was even late to his own wedding because he was trying to get a manuscript in the mail! His point was that people are better made in marriage than found before it. I really liked that he emphasized that point, because, as he mentioned as well, too many people think that there's a "one and only" right person out there for them. President Kimball said that soulmates are fiction, and that any good man and woman can make a marriage work if they are willing to pay the price. This means that there is NOT any one person that will "complete you." Instead, you could really make it work with any good person out there (provided you are a good person yourself...:)). However, I believe that there are some people out there who will make the whole marriage thing easier than others. My goal is to find one of those people.

The best part of Orson Scott Card's article is where he said that romantic love only lasts "about as long as the chase." He continues by saying that you don't marry "the wonderful perfect Someone you're looking at right now," you marry the person whose body is slowly falling apart, the person who will stand by you through thick and thin, the person who will do anything to keep the marriage together, and the person who will forgive you, no matter what.

This is the best line: "The foundation of that isn't some ideal of romantic love. It's a commitment based on the goals you share. And real love, married love, is not what you start with -- it's what you create together along the way."

In short, this is one of the best articles on marriage that I have read in a long time, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone.

Here's the link to the article: http://mormontimes.com/ME_blogs.php?bID=3

Tags: Orson Scott Card Marriage

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It's been a little while since I've written a blog - almost a month, in fact, and a lot has happened since I last wrote. Ok, not that much has happened, but it just seems like it I guess. Ah, the life of a college student. :) Anyway, I'm still dating that wonderful guy in my ward that I wrote about earlier. I don't really know what else to say, other than that we share a brain - we have so much in common, we think a lot alike, and we have the same opinions about things. It kind of boggles my mind how similar we are, but it makes getting to know one another easier. Right now, we're just working on finding things that we don't have in common. All in all, things are going well - very well, and I'm very happy.

On to the topic of this post. I have decided to address the topic of Love. There are many types of love. One can love an object; most commonly people love something that symbolizes something more meaningful, something that reminds them of some good thing in their past, or that they feel some sort of special attachment to. We love our friends and family members, which may be characterized as a deep, enduring, "love-'em-'cause-you-have-to" kind of love. This love is not romantic in any way (at least I hope not), but it consists of a more caring concern for the other person's well-being. The last type of love is the one that comes to almost everyone's mind when they hear the word: Romantic love existing between a man and a woman.

This type of love is what I want to focus on. This type of love can also be characterized by deep feelings for the other person, but it also includes the physical element of love that is emphasized by our society today. Unfortunately, the "love" expressed in movies and other forms of media is nothing more than lust - many TV relationships are built on nothing but physical attraction.

While this aspect of Romantic love is an important way to strengthen a relationship, (if used correctly; i.e. respectfully and lovingly) it should not be the basis of the entire relationship. In one of the articles that I recently read for my Marriage Preparation class, there are two other aspects of love that are equally, if not more important than the physical aspect: the emotional and the cognitive aspects.

The emotional side of love deals with the feelings associated with the relationship. It would be impossible to base the relationship entirely on this aspect, simply because emotions are somewhat fickle and volatile, and the "love" you would have for the other person would vary depending on your mood. However, it is important to have those feelings of happiness when around your significant other, or else what would be the point? 

Of the three mentioned in the article, I believe that the cognitive aspect is probably the most important, because it is the conscious choice that a person makes to love his or her significant other. The other two factors may influence your decision to love that person, but, in my opinion, the fact that you actually made that choice is more meaningful than defining love as something that just happened and that you had no control over. 

I would like to propose that there is a fourth aspect to Romantic love: the spiritual aspect. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and that we can only become perfected and exalted if we are married and sealed in the Temple of the Lord for time and all eternity. This divine institution involves not only the two people entering into the marriage covenant, but also the Lord, and as each individual draws closer to the Lord, he or she will become closer to the other person in the relationship, and vice versa. This type of relationship is more focused on the growth and progression of the couple as a whole, not merely on the development of the individual. 

In my opinion, love is not just an emotion that we feel toward a person of the opposite sex, nor is it a physical action. If anything, it is a conscious decision, and a willingness to work together to overcome the trials of life and to progress toward perfection by coming closer to the Lord.

For more information on the spiritual aspect of love and the divine institution of marriage, please visit www.lds.org.

Tags: Love Marriage Class BYU

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So, it seems that I've had another interesting weekend. I've had quite a run of those lately, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact this past weekend, I was very privileged and blessed to have started dating this wonderful guy in my ward. He is one of the sweetest guys I know, and he knows just what to say to encourage me and build me up. I am sincerely grateful to have him in my life, and I look forward to the time we get to spend together. I don't know where this relationship will lead (we've only been dating for a grand total of five days) but we decided that we're both going to get what we can out of it, and, if all else fails, remain friends. So that's my good news for the day. :)

And now, sadly, back to reality. As I was reading the material for my Marriage Prep class last night, I came across this statement: "Roughly fifty percent of all marriages are projected to end in divorce." I had heard this statistic before, but it never ceases to amaze and sadden me because it means that each marriage has a fifty-fifty chance of working out. This creates a very unfortunate, albeit popular, mentality - the first marriage is a starter marriage; that is, they enter into their first marriage expecting it to fail. They divorce, planning to use the things they supposedly learned from that first marriage to "strengthen" their second, third, or even fourth marriages.  

To me, this mentality doesn't really make sense. If your marriage failed once, and you ran away from it, won't you be just as likely to do the same thing in future marriages? Just a thought.

Personally, I am a strong advocate of the couple remaining together and working through their problems rather than running away from them. I believe that as they work through their difficulties and their struggles, they will be brought closer together and strengthened. If a couple has worked through tough decisions and trials before, they know they can do it again, and will be more willing to try. 

I have said before that I grew up in a household where my parents obviously loved each other, and they were willing to work through trials together. Their marriage is strong enough now that I think that neither one could really get along without the other. This is the type of marriage that I want for myself and my future husband. I don't want to have the mentality that I can "escape" from my marriage whenever I want. Instead, I would rather work through the the struggles that will come with my husband, and thereby grow closer to him and the Lord. Drawing on a previous post, I want my marriage to be a Covenant marriage, not a Contractual one. 

In essence I don't want to even think about becoming one of the fifty percent.  

For more information on divorce and/or a covenant marriage, please visit www.lds.org.  

Tags: Divorce Marriage Family Class BYU

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In response to one of my previous posts, Equal Partners, my friend sent me a couple of her opinions on the matter. She basically said that she disagrees with me, for the most part, on the subject of motherhood. She believes that women should be able to have a career if they want to, that we are perfectly capable of doing both things, and that men can assume the duties that a stay-at-home mom normally would. Now, I'm not trying to speak ill of my friend. She is wonderful, and beautiful, and very opinionated, and I like that about her. I am grateful to have her as my friend. But because we are two different people, we have the tendency to disagree on certain things.

At any rate, I replied to her message, and since I wanted to write an entry on the subject of motherhood anyway, I thought I would post what I said.

"Let me clarify: I am not saying here that women should not educate themselves or pursue a career. The Prophets have counseled us to get as much education and training as we possibly can, and I would consider my talents, skills, and intellect wasted if I did not do all that I possibly could to pursue these things. I am saying that a woman should not postpone the divine calling and role of motherhood in order to pursue something that yes, they love, but is less important than raising her children to the Lord in righteousness. That decision is to be made with your spouse and with the Lord, and each individual case will be different. I am not trying to criticize those women who do work outside the home, because I understand that some situations may require it; for example, she is divorced, or her husband cannot provide for the family due to some combination of circumstances. But as we are responsible for the spiritual well-being of our children, we must take into account the eternal consequences of not taking the time and the resources we need to make the home an environment in which these little sweet spirits can gain the knowledge they need to return to live with their Heavenly Father again. We, as wives and mothers, are responsible to create that environment.

Yes, it is possible to work and be a mother, but the quantity of the time spent at home with your children is greatly diminished, and the quality of that time is not always very high. President Hinckley said that " It is well-nigh impossible to be a full-time home-maker and a full-time employee." He also said, "The greatest job any mother will ever do will be in nurturing, teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness in truth. None other can adequately take her place." This means that even if the husband stays home, the job he can do cannot and will not compare to the divine role of the Mother.

As I said before, I am not trying to attack or criticize anyone. But this is what I truly believe, and I know that if I fulfill my heavenly duties as a wife and mother, I will be richly blessed."

I was really grateful for this opportunity to reply to my friend, stating my beliefs and convictions. (I was especially pleased that words came so easily, and I was able to present them in a fluid, understandable manner. :)) I really do believe this is true, and I know that the divine and holy calling of motherhood is greater than anything else that our hearts might desire. As I have said previously, we, as wives and mothers, are responsible for raising our children in love and righteousness. As my Uncle so plainly put it, "Although in the gospel context the father is supposed to lead in the home, was it not the mothers who are credited with their great faith?" I am grateful for this knowledge, and for the privilege that I have to be a woman and to be entrusted with this great responsibility. I say these things in the name of my Savior and Elder Brother, Jesus Christ, Amen.

For more information on Motherhood or about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, please visit www.lds.org. 

Tags: Motherhood Religion Marriage Class BYU

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These past few days have been interesting for me and for the majority of the members of church. For those who don't know, our beloved prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley, passed away this past Sunday evening. When my sister first texted me to let me know, my roommates and I thought it was a joke (and not a very good one). But the sad news was confirmed to us by members of our ward. I was shocked and saddened by the information, but I was overcome with gratitude and amazement when almost everyone in our ward gathered together in one apartment to sing songs, share our testimonies, and say a prayer in behalf of the only prophet most of us remember. He was the prophet of our defining years, and we had all grown to love him.

During our little ward devotional, I pictured him dressed in white, running into the arms of his beloved wife who passed away about four years ago, and then walking together (holding hands, of course :)) into the presence of our dear Father in Heaven. I know that they were not only married for their time here on earth, but they will be able to be together throughout the eternities. Theirs was and is a celestial and eternal marriage because they were sealed in the temple and lived righteously throughout their lives. I am grateful to have had President Hinckley’s example and influence in my life.

Theirs is a perfect example of what we have been talking about in my Marriage Prep class. Last class, we discussed the concept of a covenant relationship versus a contract relationship. In the reading, a covenant relationship was compared to that of a shepherd with his sheep. True shepherds know their sheep individually and stay with their sheep even when the wolves come. They are willing to lay down their lives in order to protect the sheep. On the other hand, a contract relationship is compared to that of a hireling with the sheep. Because they are not his own, a hireling has no qualms about running away in the face of trouble or when the wolves come. He is more concerned with his own well-being than that of the sheep.

Unfortunately, altogether too many people have entered into marriage in the contractual sense. They believe that they don’t have to stick around when times get hard, and the feel that they have the right to leave if they aren’t happy rather than try to work through their problems. This mentality may contribute to the alarmingly high divorce rate, and has also affected the way that many people look at marriage. Some people are discouraged by this grim outlook, and if they do get married, they almost expect it to fail.

A covenant relationship, however, is one in which the couple will try to fix their problems with the help of the Lord rather than run away from them. As with personal struggles and trials, the couple can come through the trial and be so much stronger and closer to the Lord (and each other) than they were before. With the strength and the knowledge they received from that trial, they will be better prepared and able to work through future struggles.

As I said before, President Hinckley and his wife were a perfect example of this covenant relationship. This is not to say they didn’t have their share of problems, but they were able to work through them in love and righteousness, and with the help of the Lord. I hope that, armed with this knowledge, I will be able to one day enter into this marriage covenant, and be sealed to my future husband in the temple for time and all eternity. I know that we will have our own problems, but I know that we can work through them with the help of the Lord. I’m grateful for the blessings of the temple and for the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I say these things in his name, even Jesus Christ, Amen.

For more information about President Gordon B. Hinckley or the LDS church, please visit www.lds.org. 

Tags: Husband Wife Religion Marriage Class BYU

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Before I start, I want to say a little bit about how the past couple of weeks have gone for me. I have been really happy, and I think it's because my attitude and outlook on life has kind of changed a little bit. I am realizing just how much I have to be grateful for, and just how much the Lord blesses my life daily. I have been trying to be positive, and find happiness in the simple pleasures of life. This philosophy has really made a difference in my life. As I said, I have been so much happier, and I have kind of made it a goal to share it with others that I meet along my path in hopes of making them happy too. :)

And now, the real reason I'm here. :) I want to start by giving a quote by David O. McKay (one of the former Presidents of the Church). He said that "A father can do no greater thing for his children than to let them feel that he loves their mother." I cannot tell you how true this statement is. I grew up in a home where my father and mother obviously loved each other. There were few fights, if any, and they were never very big. This was a wonderful example to me, and I hope that my marriage relationship will be similar to the environment I grew up in.

This is an example of something that has been emphasized to me as I have been reading the words of the prophets. In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" it says that "Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." This doesn't mean that women should go out into the work force or that men should stay home and clean the house (all the time... it would be nice every once in a while :)). What it does mean is that men and women each have sacred responsibilities (Fathers, to provide for the family, and Mothers, to nurture their children) and that they must work together to support each other in those responsibilities. In a relationship such as this, the important decisions aren't left up to the man, but the couple works together to make the right choices.

At first, the view that men are the providers and women are the nurturers seems slightly chauvinistic. Taken wrongly, it seems like women have to stay at home and play housewife while the men get to have a career and "make something of themselves." Some people in the world would have us believe that being a mother is not important, and many encourage women to make their way in a career before they even think about having children. When I first came across this statement, I almost thought the same thing. And then I realized that we as women and mothers have the ability and the opportunity to raise and shape our children into who the Lord needs them to be. Talk about a great responsibility.

One last thought: the statement mentioned above recognizes and emphasizes that men and women are both extremely capable of doing great things. But in those things, they must recognize each other’s potential, and work to learn and grow as equal partners.

For more information on the Family Proclamation or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, please visit www.lds.org.

Tags: Love Marriage Class BYU

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First: a little bit about me. I am a student at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, a school where the majority of the students enrolled are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Of course, since this is LDS.net, I'm guessing the majority of the readers of this blog will be too. :) But if you are of a different faith, thank you for visiting my site, and please feel free to ask me any questions about what I have written (or anything concerning the LDS religion - you can also visit the church website) and I will do my best to answer your question completely and accurately.

I'll be honest: I didn't start this blog of my own accord. I am starting this blog because the professor of my Marriage Preparation class gave it to me as an assignment. After this entry, most of the entries will be about the material that we cover in the class, but after the class is over, I hope to continue posting my thoughts and insights, and this blog will grow and develop as I do.

For now, I just want to bear my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and how much that I love the Lord. He has given me all that I have and am, and He is my strength. I am His daughter, and I am worth so much to Him that He was willing to send His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for not only my sins, but my pains and sorrows too. I know that I will make it if I just trust in Him, and give my life over to Him. I have a tendency to forget that sometimes, and those are the times when my life is the hardest.

For me, the most important thing to remember is that I don't have to be perfect right now. It seems like the demand for perfection is so high, and there are times when I don't think that I'll ever be able to reach that goal. I realize that I can't do it by myself, but the good news is, I don't have to. Christ can and will make up the difference, and He is happy to do so. While it is important for me to keep striving to be the best I can and come closer to the Lord, I will be able to return to live with him again if I just keep trying, even if I fail countless times. Perfection is an eternal goal, and will not be attained in this lifetime. But what I can do is continually repent and come unto the Lord with a broken and sincere heart, and ask Him to change me and to make me who He wants me to be.

The Lord loves me, and knows me by name. He has a plan for my life, and He can make more of me than I could ever dream of making of myself. These things are true for all of His children that have lived, and will ever live upon the Earth.

I know these things to be true, through the power of the Holy Ghost, and I leave them with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Tags: Religion Marriage Class BYU

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