I have been praying alot lately and trying to figure out some stuff in my life.  If you have read my other Blog you know I Have some issues with my father and abuse.  I belong to another site for abuse survivors and spent quite a bit of time there before joining the Church.  But, since then I have been having more of a difficult time posting there.  My heart has changed and the constant ranting about what happened to you over and over again is not there for me... And , I have posted some things about this change and my new found faith.  Well needless to say it has not been totally recieved all that well.  Some of the posters have been critical of my new change of heart.  It kind of hurt me.  I know that everyone must progress at their own pace and for myself I am at the point of forgiveness.  Forgiveness and religion are a sore subject for many survivors and I do understand that.  But why is my progress some sort of threat to them?  I have reached a point that I never thought I would ever be at.

 I have found the peace and security that the Atonement gives to us and it is the most wonderful place.  To know that my big brother really understands what I went through and loves me in spite of all that happened.  I know now that Jesus and Heavenly Father were there when all that happened happened and they cried as the saw their child and brother being hurt.  And, like any good parent who sees their child being hurt and are restrained from acting.  They knew that once they were free they would punish those who hurt their child.  That's how I feel they reacted to what happened and because of freewill they couldn't do anything but in the future it will be taken care of....  That is where I was at about a week ago...

 Four days ago something changed that is the most amazing thing for me.  I was praying and meditating and I began to contemplate the actual crucifixion of our Saviour.  And I began to weep as I thought of all the pain and sorrow my big brother went through and then I remembered His words when He said; "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."  At that moment a wave rushed over me .  That's the only way I can describe it...  At that moment I felt sympathy for my father and I felt forgiveness for him.  I wondered what he went through as a child something made him they way he was.  I asked Jesus to forgive him and to forgive me for all the anger and resentment I had carried for so many many years.  I cried so hard and the sense of freedom I felt was almost euphoric!  Then I felt the need to do his work in the Temple when I am able to go.  Now when I spoke with the missionaries when I joined the Church I told them that the only thing was I never ever wanted to be sealed to my father ever.  And , they said that was my choice.  To feel the need to do his temple work is amazing.  I love my father in spite of everything...

  I testify to all of you the Atonement is real and this Church is God's true Church and Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God as is our present day Prophet Thomas Monson.  We are so blessed to have the restored gospel and The Book of Mormon.  I love all of you so very much!!

            &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                         &nb sp;       Love,

            &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                  Tom

Tags: ForgivenessAtonement

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I have begun my journey back to the life I once knew.  It's funny when the missionaries first spoke of our pre-mortal existence it wasn't strange.  It was like a light was turned on inside of me and I remembered! I really can't believe all that's happened to me over the past year or so...  If any of you knew me then you would say it is a miracle!!!  I am was far from the "Mormon" image.   I was and still am some what a scared child in a man's body. But , today I have hope that what I was is not who I am or who I will become.  I am rambling but there is so much I wish I could express.

I grew up in a less than an ideal home.  Both my parents were alcoholics and to this day the smell of alcohol makes me extremely uncomfortable.  My mother was emotionally distant and sadistic.  She loved to play with your mind.  One moment you were her favourite and the next you were the most horrid child and she would smack you around for your own good or so she would say...  My father was abusive in ways that are to gross to speak of , it suffices to say he stole my innocence.  And, warped what ever purity of thought I might have possesed.  I grew up afraid and withdrawn filled with shame and guilt.  When I grew older I began to drink and use drugs and tried to find love in all the wrong places!!!  My life had been an empty shell of existence... until....

Two young men from the Church began to show me that what satan had me convinced I was is not who I really was.  All my life I have known that God existed I can't explain why but , it was always there.  Ironically I always felt He would never love me.  I was too dirty , too unlovable... But through the ministry of missionaries and the love of the Saints I have begun to learn that I am a child of God.  And, the past is just that the past!  It no more defines me than the colour of my eyes.  My real father is in the heavens and He loves me more than I can ever begin to grasp.  And I have a family of brothers and sisters throughout the world so I am not alone.... Satan is the father of lies....  but I am a child of truth!!!

Tags: Convert Church Covenant Atonement

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