Ok, let's just say that this year has NOT been the best year for our family- but in some ways it has been. My husband who worked for seven years at a university- giving his EVERYTHING to the university was told that he did not earn tenure because while he was an EXCELLENT professor- his research was lacking. Everyone had told us the WHOLE time he was there that he would earn tenure and we believed them, so imagine his surprise when we found out that he didn't.

He went into a deep depression and it hurt our entire family to see him so very sad. I did what I knew how to do as a wife but I wasn't the most supportive. I was more than happy to have a reason to get out of the south, but I was scared because I no longer knew what was going to happen next.

I should probably mention that we have a new little gal who just turned 2 and my husband grew SO afraid that he wouldn't be able to provide for her. He found out he didn't receive tenure when my inlaws were in town and he had to tell them which was both embarrasing and sad for him.

Like I mentioned before, I didn't know how to be a supportive wife- I was so afraid for our survival that I just didn't lift him up in the way that he deserved. I decided that we needed to go back to a Christian church as previously we were attending a unitarian universalist church. We went to a methodist church and continued to try our best to completely fix up our home, put it on the market and sell it. In the meantime several other things were happening to us- we got into a freak car accident, our credit card was denied even though there was money on it and we had to put food back, several completely embarrasing moments.

We cried, we sorrowed, but we praised God that we were able to leave our present area and return to be near our family and friends. For some reason we thought that if we lived according to the principles of Jesus that God would let up on us and give us peace. It was about December when I found the LDS church- we were driving home from the Methodist church discussing how we didn't care for the people in the group we were in. They were money centered, excercise centered, but not family centered like we were. I grew up in Idaho and so I knew that Mormons were family centered. I told my husband these very words- "I KNOW there is a better place for us, and it is in the LDS church with more family centered people." Little did I know that we would find those words to be so true.

Thus I began our search in the LDS church- one of my students bless his soul served as a communication between the church and I. At this time I began to notice things going on at the school I taught at. One person overheard a conversation between I and another LDS person who was telling me how great the church was and I believe told everyone I was exploring the church. The administration (at a private school) became livid and never treated me quite the same way again. But I KNEW once I read the words of the BOM that I had come home! I was frightened to attend church, but I knew that I had to at least try. So after the beginning missionary talks I began to attend- seeing the children in the service, the love being expressed, the care, the kindness, the closeness to God I began to realize what I had been waiting for all my life was here.

What happened over the next few months was AMAZING- we transformed completely as a family. It was A LOT of work, but SO worth it!!! We are now closer than ever before and I have no doubt that my heavenly father loves me. Did our trials lessen? Not at all- in fact we are going through worse trials now that we ever did before. We are still waiting to find out where we are going next year, waiting anxiously for our house to sell, and we are still experiencing negative things occurring all of the time.

The school I worked at did not renew me because they said they didn't like my interactive, hands on teaching style which is what works best for kids with ADHD. The entire school focuses on kids with ADHD and they said I wasn't their type. It really hurt my feelings, I was upset but I truly believed that God should be praised!

 I know there will be many more trials- we DESPERATELY want to leave the south and I know that someday we will. Things are not run on our time, but on our heavenly father's time and I know that whether we have to stay here another year or not because of our home not selling- this will be a part of his plan and right for us. I know that our struggles could be a lot worse and we count our blessings with the things he has given to us.

I wish we  could get on with our lives and that things would be known, but would good would faith be if we already knew what was going to happen?

I pray that we may stand strong like Job and instead of saying why me, work hard as a family to improve our togetherness. I know this year has been so awful for us, but I also know that before something is refined it has to go through a fire.

I bear my testimony that I know this church is true, I know that my heavenly father loves me, that he will take care of us in his time. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!

Tags: Help Confused Anger Conversion

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