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I am so ready to get this trip over with! I'm excited to meet Adelle face to face, but nervous too. I'm grimy from this bus ride and don't want that to be her first impression of me, but like she said we're past the first impression stage. Last night was the best part of my trip thus far. I had a seat to myself, it was quiet, and I didn't sweat. I have to say that this trip was a good one because I had some really good missionary experiences. The one I wrote about in the begining of this trip was powerful. Then there was Emily, a 23 year old that has been on the wrong path. She recently found out that she needs a heart transplant. Her mom passed away a few years ago and her dad doesn't show love any other way but military style. She was in pain, having difficulty breathing at times, and had IV bruising on her arms from being in the hospital during her trip. If I were her father I would have gone to get her, not let her travel by bus! Even her boyfriend put her on a bus and sent her off! She is soft spoken and polite, I can see her getting walked on easily in life. I found out that she was baptized when she was 8 because her mom was a member but not really active. I could feel her mom's presence while we talked and so I told her that I knew her mom was watching over her. It was a powerful meeting this young girl and I had. I talked to her about the gospel and urged her to go back. I got her emai address and told her she now had another father in her life because I wanted her to keep in touch and I wanted to be able to help when I can. This has been a good trip, but a crazy one. The guy who got on the bus talking to himself was gettng worse at the bus station. He was walking back and forth getting more irritable by the minute until he stormed out of the station yeling profanities! The lady who was yelling at her infant daughter was picked up by her mother, who I hope is a better parent. The guy who claimed to be a Marine to glorify himself on the sacrifice of others had a small change of heart. I apologized to him after I blew up at him and told him I had no right to talk to him with disrespect. I explained what my problem with him was in a more respectful way and talked to him like a man. He admitted to not being in the Marine Corps and apologized in return. It didn't stop him from lying about other things but at least he stopped using the sacrifice of my Marine brothers and their families to impress people. Myron, the big guy who sat with me, ended up getting cramps in his legs from being cramped in so tight. He got off the bus in Denver at the same time Ian and his mom did. Ian was so cute! He was arm wrestling with me and playing guess how many fingers I have behind my back! He was excited to be in the same town as the Broncos! I am about an hour and an half away from seeing the woman I love! I feel like a young boy going on my first date! I love Adelle very much! I love the Lord even more! My life has changed in the last six months from misery to joy, from confusion to clearity! I thank my Father in Heaven for blessing me so much!

Tags: Blessings Sacrifice Love Missionary Work

Well, let me tell you the story. I met a woman here on lds.net that has become very important to me to say the least. Anyone who has read my blogs knows how I felt about being in another relationship. I told Heavenly Father he would have to hit me upside the head to get me to marry again! He did! I found the most incredible woman I have ever met! I say met, but we have not met in this life yet. I am going to southern Idaho to meet her. Not only am I meeting her, but I'm helping her move to Kansas to be near me. She and I have both recieved our own wittness that we are each other's eternal companion. I have not been writing about it because the timing was not right to reveal too much in a public venue. Now we are ready to start getting to know each other better and to prepare for a temple wedding in the new temple in Twin Falls, Idaho. We don't have a date yet, but we know it is going to happen. Every minute we spend away from each other, not in contact in some way, is painful. I am excited to begin our life together! Ok I have to say something to this idiot! Sorry, but I couldn't keep silent any longer! This guy is saying he was in the Marine Corps and he did all this killing, and making it sound like a day at serial killers day camp! I called him on it and asked him what his MOS was. MOS is your job designation, for instance I was an 0351 which is a tank killer. My job was to go out with infantry units and protect them from tanks. This guy got that deer in the head lights look and didn't even know what an MOS was. He sat there and had nothing to say as I told him I knew he was lying and using the sacrifice of real good men and women to glorify himself in such a grotesque way! That shut him up! He is not talking about it anymore! Back to the love of my eternity! I am traveling by bus to save money. It is miserable, I'm tired, and I'm grimey from the bus atmosphere. There are two new passengers now. One lady is wearing a tank top that is barely keeping her breasts from falling out, and the other guy is mentally ill. He is talking to himself and twitching, I think I'll keep a good eye on him! Anyway, I will sacrifice what is required of me to sacrifice for us to be able to move on with our lives. She has never been married and has no kids, but she's a teacher so she has lots of experience with kids. My kids are very excited about her! I have to admit I'm a bit nervous about it all, but I know it's right. When you find something this right and good in life you have to cherish it!

Tags: Love Eternal Sacrifice

I'm sitting on a greyhound bus, after spending the night in a greyhound bus station, and wishing I was in an airplane! The guy sitting next to me is a big man that falls toward me when he sleeps. I feel like I'm in a trash compactor. Every time we make a right turn the air is squeezed out of my lungs. This guy is at least 6' 3" and 375 lbs! Not that I'm poking fun at his size, but he really is crushing me! Then you have the "mom", I use that term losely, two seats back who is yelling and cussing at her infant. She looks, and smells like she crawled out of a hole in back of the local sewer plant. I'm not trying to be mean, just honest. Oh wow, Myron(the guy sitting with me) just went to the rest room, I can move now and breath! He's really a nice guy, but I wish he had a seat to himself. The seat in front of me is occupied by a good mother and her son Ian. Ian is 6 and has decided he wants me to be his dad. He's a cute kid with one heck of a personality! He and his mom were stranded in the bus station last night as well. I told him I had a girlfriend and he said that she wouldn't mind it if I liked his mom anyway! Kids, they say the darndest things to embarrass their parents! His poor mom couldn't get him to go to sleep, but it was good because he kept me company. I love kids! Then we have the idiot, I use that term firmly, in the seat behnd me. He and the other idiot sitting with him have had loud conversations about subjects like having his last two ribs taken out so he can give himself oral sex! The one topic that has "blood shooting out of my eyes", to coin a phrase from Glen Beck, is his supposed tour of duty in the middle east. He talks about hunting and killing men in Irac like it's a video game! As a Marine I take severe offence to him! First of all he is in the Air Force and was not a ground and pound infantryman! Second, his stories are absolute bull because that is not the way house to house combat is done! Third, he talks about Marines in a way that lends to the misconseptions of war and those who serve in it! It is dishonorable to talk about how you killed a man that was trying to kill you in order to try to impress the "mom" in the seat beind you, hoping you can get laid! As they all sit behind me cussing, talking about sex and killing like it was a way of life, I feel sorry for them. I realize that they just don't get it. They don't understand that this life is more than physical, and that the physial side of this life will bring pain and misery when not controled. They are in a lost and fallen state and are desperately looking for answers and direction. I remember being in that state myself. Looking for relief anywhere I could find it. I thank The Lord that I am not in the same place as these people, just on the same bus.

Tags: War Bus Dishonorable Physical

Life is all a matter of perspective, that's what I tell my kids. That's why I seek advice from friends, family, priesthood leaders, and especially Heavenly Father. I consult him on most everythng. Don't ge me wrong, I don't ask him what I should make for dinner or what color shoes I should buy, but the important matters and the ones that confuse me. If I have a stupor of thought over a particular problem I take it to Him. He allways gives me an answer, not the one I want allways, or the one I think is best. When I follow those promptings though I find peace and the stupor of thought disapears. I can smile, breath, and not panic. I have an analogy about perspective that I use often. If you are standing in one place and you see a pole, that's great. You can see the pole. If you take a single step to the right you can see that there are many poles all in a row. If you take another step to the right you'll notice that the poles are all connected together by a long rod. Yet another step reveals that the poles lead to a tree that is very pleasing. It has fruit that looks lush and sweet. If you hold onto that rod and follow it along the row of poles remembering to keep the tree in your perspective you will reach that tree and "partake of the fruit thereof". If you never take that first step to see it from another angle you'll never know the tree or the rod or the other poles are there. All you'll ever see is the pole in front of you. Perspective doesn't take pain away, only healing does. Healing takes time, faith, endurance, and love. I have healed. I have found the time to heal. I have found the faith to let myself heal. I have found enough endurance to get through the pain. I have found love from family, friends, and Heavenly Father. Love is the final key to healing. The tree in Lehi's vision is not refered to as the love of God by accident. We need to heal all the way through life. sometimes we are nursng multiple wounds, and/or deep gaping ones. When we allow love, the true and real love the Savior offers, into our life and our pain, we find healing. Love can come from so many different places, but when it is genuine, when it is likened to the love our Savior has for us, then it can and will heal all wounds. I worked in a gas staion as a teenager and it doubled as a bus staion. Late one night the bus pulled in and the driver evicted one of the passengers. She ran off the bus and out into the wintery Nevada desert night. I asked the bus driver what I should do and his attitude was, "she ain't my problem, call the cops", as he handed the shoe she had left behind in her speedy departure. I did call the police so that she could be found and not be sitting out there in the cold night. At almost sunlight this woman that the police had no luck locating, snuck up and under the front window of the station. I went out to her and saw hudled on the pavement below the window a shivering paper thin woman with fire in her eyes. The bus driver had told me she was crazy and was spitting on other passengers. I asked her if she was allright and helped her into the station to sit by the space heater. I noticed as I went to put her lost shoe back on her bare foot that she had a cut on her foot and it was slightly swolen. I asked her what happened and she started into a strory that deffinatly put her in the luney catagory. Part of her stoy included being kidnapped and taken to Novascocia, and part was about how the devil bit her foot in the desert when she was tempted by him. Then she looked up at me, and as she looked into my eyes her countenance changed, and she said smiling, " you have the eyes of Jesus". I gave her $20 and tried to put her on the next bus but she insisted on hitching a ride with a truck driver instead. I will never forget how the fire left her eyes, as she looked at me with recolection, and was replaced with a more peaceful look. I did have the eyes of Jesus at that moment because I saw her as a soul with grief, pain, and needs just as I had. Because they were different needs than mine I could have over looked them the way the bus driver and polce did. Instead I chose to look from another perspective and brought, even if it was brief, healing to that sick and hurting woman. I have recently found that kind of healing love effecting my life in gigantic ways. The love Christ has for us is unending, unimaginable, and has been said to be matchless. I dissagree that it is matchless. I think we are all to love with that same love and to strive all our lives to match it. In that we can find healing for others and ourselves. I resolve to love with the love of Christ so that I can love him back. There is no better reward than love itself. Shane

Tags: Love Jesus Christ Perspective

I met another amazing person on lds.net yesteday! It just goes to show that you can't judge a book by it''s cover. At first I thought she was incredibly bitter and rude. When I gave her a chance she turned out to be nothing but wonderful! We had a very nice conversation and talked for hours. I enjoyed it immensely! I think we should never let our feelings of what is prim and proper dictate how we treat others who may not seem to be as primm or proper. For instance, if we saw Jesus dressed as he did in his life on earth would we allow him to impart his wisdom upon us? Would we feed him and wash his feet and seat him at the place of honor at our table? Or would we send him away as the common street dweller. This woman is not common and had I not taken the time to find that out I would have missed out on a good friend. I think she and I will be friends for a long time to come and I will cherish that friendship. I will cherish all the friends I have made here and thank all of you for imparting your wisdom, love, and kinship upon me. Shane Virtue

Tags: Chance Friendship Listening Finding

I can't seem to get past the pain of losing my wife and family. I really can't stand her, even the thought of her makes me sick to my stomach. I'm not trying to be mean, just being honest. I don't like seeing her, talking to her, or hearing her name. I get so angry and I just want to run away from it all. I still cry over the loss, though not as much. The 29th will have been 5 months since she kicked me and my kids out. I have made so much progress in so many ways. I believe she did me a favor by filing for divorce, so why does it still hurt so much? I don't love her anymore. The only feelings I have for her are negative. She is not being a good mother and she is behaving as though she has no knowledge of right and wrong. Her stadards are backwards from mine. How could I have been so fooled all those years? Why did I convince myself that she was someone she wasn't? I guess I need to take most of the blame for being so blind, but that doesn't take the pain away. It seems that every time I start feeling better all of these emotions come flooding back. Like I said it makes me feel like running away. I won't, that would only make things worse, but it doesn't take the desire away. I'm not saying that things aren't better. Things are much better. What I'm saying is, if things are better why do I still feel so down about it at times? There are so many good people here on lds.net. Peolpe that have given me great advice. I myself have given advice to others here. So I'm lookig for your wisdom, your spirit, your understanding to help me understand why it still hurts. Why do I still feel like crying over her when I feel so much anger towards her? Why am I having such a hard time forgiving her when I want to forgive her and move on? I have decided that I should, when my divorce is final, look for a kind, loving, honest, and Temple worthy woman to share my life with. I realize that Heavenly Father wants that for me, and if I look to him for advice and help I will be able to find the right one this time. I'm very scared of that however. If I can't get past the feelings I have for my soon to be ex-wife then how can I devote myself to another woman? I don't mean that I would ever want to take her back, but I couldn't subject someone else to the way I feel now. It would not be fair. How do I let go when she has 5 of my children, and is turning them against the church and me? I adopted kids from her ex-husbands family and now they don't want to be around me. I gave them my home, my family, and my love. I taught them the love of Christ and gave them all I could, and yet they follow her. The oldest of them came to church on Sunday but didn't have aything to say to me. I should be happy that he came to church finally, but I can't get past the hurt I feel to be able to feel joy over that. I know the Lord has a plan and things will continue to get better. I know that He has blessed me with so much when so much was taken from me. I know that He loves me and is holding me close even now. That doesn't take away the pain though. It seems to me that it should. Maybe I.m not looking at this properly, maybe I need to gain another perspective. All of that said, I want everyone to know that I wish my wife all the happiness she can stand. I am angry but not spiteful. I pray for her daily. Also, don't mistake my confused feelings for confusion about my testimony. I believe in Jesus Christ and in His restored gospel with all my heart. I will follow Him all the rest of my days and endure what ever hardship I must to do so. Shane

As many of my friends know, my internet access is through my cell phone. I don't have a home computer right now.That's why I don't leave comments, my phone does not support that for some reason. When you leave a comment I will send a message to you in return.

 Today my phone was lost and when I found it it had been run over}:( So now I don't have access to the internet until I get my phone replaced. Well that's not entirely true, because I can use my work computer like I am now. I would just rather not get fired over it so I won't be doing that much LOL.

 My phone has becaome very important to me! I realize just how important now that I don't have it. We are so relient on technology, what will happen if it's not available? I'm finding out that I would be lost without our modern technology. What did our forefathers do without the internet? How did they manage without having a cell phone? I remember the days when a cell phone had to be carried like a brief case. I remember the days when cell phones were things only wealthy people had. Now every teenager thinks they have to have one or they're deprived!

We use them as tools for work just like a wrench or a typewriter! I'm greatful that we have this technology. It makes life much easier and more enjoyable. The upside to not having my cell phone right now is that they can't get ahold of me from work:)

Anyway I will not be available via internet for a few days for those of you whom I chat with daily:( I will probably go through withdrawls from not chatting with one person in particular! You know who you are M.H. ! If you want to get ahold of me send me an email at wsvirtue@live.com and I will get back to you on Monday.I love hearing from all of you! It makes my day when I get messages and comments!

Shane Virtue

OK so life is getting much better! I have made it to the Temple! That's the best part! I bought a motorcycle, I call it the Bumble Bee. I quit wearing my wedding ring, it was giving me a rash! My kid's friends all think I'm cool! They see me coaching football, breakdancing at their dances, riding a motorcycle, and doing things with my kids. They also see me taking them to church, having family home evening and family scripture study. My branch is on fire with missionary work! My job is going well even though I don't get paid enough for the responsabilities I have. I am able to let go of my wife and not feel panic when I think of her, and I don't think of her very often any more. I have made some very good friends, like aurorasungem, cgrantreed, hemidakota and many others! I have come so far in such a short time! I look back over the last 4 months and I am amazed at all that has happened! I have to say thank you to my wife for kicking me out of my home! I would have never left and I would have hung on with all my might! I am better off; Even though the kids and I have to deal with the games she wants to play. I had adopted her exhusband's brother's kids, and now she is turning them against me. She tries her best to do the same with our two biological kids, but they love me too much. I know everything will be fine, I have been given wittness from the Holy Ghost concerning it. I know that there are family members that have passed through the veil watching over the children. The lord has truly blessed me with all I stand in need of and more! Like Job I have been blessed for my faithfulness! Unlike job I did not have to suffer near to death to get there. I did go through excruciating pain and heart ach that still has some lasting effects. I did not have to have flesh eating worms, or boils, or have my children die. I did lose most of my possesions but have been given much more to replace them! I have been truly blesded! The lord really does make strengths out of our weeknesses if we will simply be faithful! Shane Virtue

A friend from my branch told me toady, "You got kicked out of your home and into the Temple".I've thought about that off and on today. It hurt really bad when my wife kicked me out, but she did me a favor. I could not go to the Temple under the conditions that existed. I have been blessed with a new life. One where I am a faithfull and devoted member of the true church of Jesus Christ! You can not serve two masters or you will hate the one and love the other. I serve one master and he is the light and life of the world. My experience in the Temple yesterday was so awsome! I can't wait to go back! I did not want to leave the Celestial Room. It felt so wonderful! I was blessed with understanding, as well as more questions. I know that those questions will be answered each time I return to the Temple. I was even able to converse with those on the other side of the veil. I will be going to the Temple as often as I can! I urge anyone who is working toward the goal of going to the Temple to be dilligent and undure in order to realize that goal. Give away any worldy possesion or vice that could be holding you back and embrace the law of sacrifice to obtain the blessings in store for you in going to the Temple. The Temple is the house of the Lord, and it is the place he will be when he returns. If you are going to be close to him when he returns to this world in the flesh the Temple is the place to be. I bear witness of this in the name of our loving savior Jesus Christ amen.

Tags: Temple

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